


Shepard Finds Her Soulmate

by KTT2123



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Kaidan bashing, Light Angst, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect Spoilers, Paragon Commander Shepard, Past Relationship--Shenko, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Garrus, Romance, Shepard's a badass, Soulmates, Vanguard Shepard, WIP, War Hero (Mass Effect), Wordcount: Over 100.000, au-ish, the fic that started it all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:08:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 69,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2523488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KTT2123/pseuds/KTT2123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard is ecstatic to see Kaidan on Horizon.  Instead of reuniting with a trusted friend, Shepard is called a traitor.  When she cannot deal with all that has happened to her, Garrus is there to catch her.  With the weight of universe on her shoulders, can Shepard save them all and find love along the way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Horizon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Mass Effect or its characters, although any OC's are mine! I am not making any money from this. Character's thoughts will be italicized and surrounded by asterisks.
> 
> This is the first fanfiction story I ever started. The fans that love my Criminal Minds fics, this is the fic made all of those possible! I started only wanting to fix the ending of ME 3 but it turned into a soulmate fic starring Garrus and Shepard. It was quite ambitious for my first, currently at over 100,000 words and not close to finished. I've been working on this off and on for a couple of years. My muse was not so kind to me in the beginning. 
> 
> There will be some Kaidan bashing. It is not that I don’t like him because I do! He’s my second favorite LI, after Garrus. I like him best with Male Shep though. I just feel Kaidan got off WAY too easy for all his judgments and mistrust. I think Shepard would have been much more upset than in the game, especially considering he says he trusts her but continually doubts her. 
> 
> This story begins at Horizon, when Shepard and Kaidan meet for the first time since her death. Afterward, Garrus is there to pick up the pieces. References to prior Kaidan and Shepard relationship but mostly focused on the development of the relationship between Garrus and Lily Shepard. While based on the ME 2 & ME 3 video games, I do change things as it's my story and I can do what I with it! Keep in mind, I have not read any of the comics/books. Anything OCC is completely mine.

_*Kaidan’s here and alive!*_   Commander Lily Shepard grins at Kaidan Alenko, so happy he’s alive and _here_.  She is ecstatic to finally find another trusted friend from her old crew.  She had searched for him when she had awaken but hadn’t found him or any way to contact him.  “Kaidan!”

The sentinel stares dumbly at the diminutive human vanguard, _*Shepard’s ALIVE?  How?*_   Kaidan embraces Shepard, the woman he thought was dead, the woman he had loved.  She somehow looks the same and yet completely different.  Her black hair with her characteristic violet streaks is longer than it used to be and in a simple ponytail, instead of a bun.  Lily’s mocha skin appears perfect and completely unmarred.  The scar she got from Mindoir, the cut across the corner of her lips is noticeably missing.  Looking carefully over the little skin exposed, Kaidan can see she is missing other distinctive marks: the burn mark on her neck from the Citadel battle, the tip of her left ear that used to be missing from a bullet during the Skillian Blitz, and the bump on her nose from where it had been broken in boot camp training.  All those marks are gone, the scars that showed her history erased as if they had never been there.  Alenko doesn’t understand, _*Who is this person?  Who looks like her but doesn’t?*_ He looks into her violet eyes, which are shining with shock and happiness.  Her remarkable eyes are still as vivid and unique as always, gleaming with that familiar intelligence and strength. 

A mere second later, he yells at her, “Shepard?!  I thought you were dead!  For two long years, I’ve grieved you.  Have you been alive this _whole_ time?  How could you do that to me?  How could you let your death tear me apart when you obviously weren’t dead?!  I _loved_ you!  Why didn’t you contact me?!  Why didn’t you _tell_ me you were _alive_?!”  Rage radiates from the biotic’s entire body.  It distorts the once familiar face into something almost unrecognizable to Shepard. 

“Kaidan, let me explain.  I _was_ dead.  It took two years to bring me back.  I asked Anderson—.”

“Stop!  Don’t lie to me!”

“I’m not—”

“Bullshit!”  Alenko’s chest is heaving with his swirling emotions.  “Just stop.  I had heard rumors that you weren’t dead but Anderson stonewalled me.  Does he know?  Does he know you’re alive?”  Kaidan abruptly raises a hand, stopping her answer.  “Nevermind.  Obviously those rumors are true, you aren’t dead.  I’m here on Horizon because Alliance intel hinted that Cerberus might be involved in the human abductions.  The question is whether the other rumor is true or not; are you working with the enemy?  Are you with Cerberus?”

“The Alliance turned its back on these colonies, Kaidan.  Someone has to stop them and Cerberus is willing to help me do that.  It’s more than the Alliance is willing to do.  I can’t just sit back and watch millions be taken and do _nothing_ , even if I have to work with Cerberus to do so.”  Lily’s face earnestly pleading with her once friend to listen to her, to believe in her as he had in the past. 

Alenko takes a step back from the woman he had once loved.  “So it’s true.  You’re with Cerberus.  Garrus too?  How could you?!  Does the end justify the means now, Shepard?  We both know what Cerberus is like, what they are capable of!  You turned your back on everything we believed in.  You betrayed the Alliance.  You betrayed _me_!”

“Kaidan please, you know me.  I don’t answer to Cerberus.  Our alliance is temporary, only until I can stop the Collectors.  How could you think otherwise?  Don’t you know me at all?”  Her heart is breaking at the condemnation on his face.  A man she and trusted with her life now sees her as nothing more than a traitor, as if she is as bad as Saren had been. 

I want to believe you.  I do.  But I don’t trust Cerberus, I can’t.  How can you?  What if they are manipulating you?  What if _they_ are working with the Collectors?  What if they are behind it?”

“Kaidan—”

“Don’t.  I don’t know who you are anymore.  You are not the woman I remember, the woman I loved.  I know where my loyalty lies.  I’m an Alliance soldier.  Once upon a time so were you, pity you seem to have forgotten that.”

“Come with me.  I don’t trust Cerberus, either.  But I am willing to work with them if it saves millions of lives.  I need people I can trust.”

“I will never work for Cerberus and if you were really Shepard you wouldn’t either.  Maybe you lost that part of you, along with your scars.  I have to report back to the Citadel.  The Alliance brass can decide whether to believe you or not.”  Alenko turns and stalks away without a backward glance, leaving a dazed Shepard behind. 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

After Horizon, Shepard goes straight to her quarters.  She cannot bring herself to make her rounds after her conversation with her once boyfriend, now ex.  Picking up his photograph, she wonders, _*Is he right?  Am I a traitor?  To the Alliance, to him?*_  She looks at herself in the mirror, touching the places on her face where the now healed glowing red scars used to lay, touching the places where her battle scars had once been before Cerberus rebuilt her.  Doubt envelops her.  The pain from the man who had once said he loved her, of Kaidan’s harsh words and rejection crush her.  The pressure of all that has happened since she awoke is simply too much for her to bear, her mind flashes through it all: her crew members’ deaths, her own death, her resurrection, the loss of her friends, her crew, the loss of their trust, facing their doubts and anger, working for a terrorist group…with people she really doesn’t know or fully trust yet, adjusting to her cybernetics.  Horizon and Kaidan are just the last straw. 

So much has happened, with no time for her to adjust or to grieve.  Lily is strong, incredibly so but even she can’t be strong all of the time.  She’s still _human_ …everyone has their breaking point and Lily has reached hers. 

Tears begin to fall and before long Shepard is sobbing.  She carelessly undresses and curls into a ball on the floor of the shower.  The hot water cascades over her as she continues to weep.  “Why didn’t you let me explain, Kaidan?  You have had two years to deal, yet I’ve had so little time to adjust.  I’ve lost two whole years!  I am the same while **_everyone_** and **_everything_** has changed around me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of chapters done. But the middle has some huge gaps that I need to fill. Updates will be sporadic as I am currently writing Criminal Minds fics, beta'ing for two authors (one of which has about five fics going right now), as well as co-writing a Harry Potter-Criminal Minds fic. But no matter how long it takes or if no one but me likes this fic, I will finish this fic! I might not continue to post if no one shows interest but I won't ever abandon it. 
> 
> I would appreciate reviews and/or kudos!


	2. Shepard's Breakdown

 “Mr. Moreau, I am worried about Shepard.” 

“What?  Why?” 

Her usual matter-a-fact voice sounding more human tinged with concern, EDI explains, “Shepard has been in the shower for over an hour, without moving.  I believe someone should check on her.”

Joker contemplates, saying “Well, Miranda is definitely not the one to ask.  Shepard sure in hell doesn’t trust her.  Allowing Miranda to see her vulnerable is the last thing Shepard would want.  Yet…Miranda and Shepard…together in a shower…hm…”

“Jeff, focus!” chides EDI.

Pulling his mind away from his fantasies, Joker continues, “Right, _later_.  Jacob appears a bit more trustworthy than Miranda but he’s still Cerberus.  Kelly, she’d probably just try to sleep with Shepard.  Jack, hm…nearly naked Jack meeting completely naked Shepard…ah, the photo op!  But I am pretty sure that will end with someone dying, who will then probably kill me...  Mordin would probably just chatter incessantly about Shepard’s reactions in medical terms.  Although it would be funny to see Shepard punch Mordin while she’s buck naked.  Doctor Chakwas is a possibility…oh!  Garrus!  Ask him.  Shepard probably trusts him more than anyone else.”  Joker remembers how close the pair had been on the Normandy SR-1.  He also recalls how happy the Commander had been when she discovered that Archangel and Garrus are one in the same.   

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

 “Garrus?”

“Yes, EDI?  You need something?”

“Could you check on Shepard?  I am worried by her behavior since re-boarding the Normandy.  Perhaps she is having difficulty dealing with what occurred on Horizon.  Jeff suggested it is best that you are the one to speak to her, as she trusts you above all others.”

“Uh…I suppose I could check on her,” Garrus responds awkwardly.  He’s not sure if he’s the best person to go to Shepard but she is his friend and if she needs him, he wants to be there for her. 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Garrus stands uncomfortably in front of Shepard’s door, waiting for her to give him permission to enter.  After waiting several minutes with no response, Garrus hacks the lock and cautiously enters.  “Shepard?  Are you in here?”  The first thing he sees is the Commander’s armor strewn haphazardly around the room.  The armor is still covered in grime, sweat, and blood.  That is careless; it is very unlike her to neglect repairing and cleaning it.  He knows that Shepard must be truly shaken to be so irresponsible with her equipment.  Garrus hears the shower running.  Knocking on the bathroom door, he hears no response from behind the door.  “Shepard?  I’m coming in, okay?” 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

The first thing Garrus sees is Shepard with her back to him, head resting on her knees and arms tightly wrapped around her legs.  She is huddling on the floor of the shower, naked and shivering.  Vakarian steadily approaches Lily, gently touching her shoulder to get her attention.  Shepard slowly raises her head to look at the turian.  Her eyes red and swollen from crying, she looks in his direction without any recognition, as if she doesn’t even see him.  Garrus has never seen Shepard like this, looking completely despondent…so alone and vulnerable.  She has always seemed invulnerable, invincible even, to him.  She never shows weakness.  Her aura of invincibility, strength and power has always made it easy to picture her being from another world, one not found in this universe.  Shepard is simply that extraordinary. 

Garrus is shaken down to his core at seeing her look so utterly broken.  Kneeling beside her, he can see the stark pain in her unseeing eyes.  The mist from the shower is freezing and Shepard is shivering violently as the icy water continues to hit her body.  Garrus stands up and turns off the water.  Doing his best to ignore her nakedness, the turian carefully lifts the human up off the floor before gently setting her on her feet.  Vakarian can’t help but marvel at how light she is.  For the first time, his eyes notice how very small she is, the vulnerability surrounding her makes it impossible not to.  In her bare feet, the top of Shepard’s head does not even reach his shoulder.  Never before has he noticed just how tiny she really is.  Even for her species she is short.  Her presence is normally so powerful and strong that one never truly notices her diminutive size.  Her biotic power always seems to vibrate the air around her that a person can’t help but feel it.  But shivering and naked, with the aura of her biotic power noticeably absent, Lily appears almost powerless.  She looks fragile.  It is so unlike her that it is shocking.  The turian feels as if he is seeing her for the first time, seeing the woman, the _human_ , behind the legend. 

Grabbing a towel, Garrus quickly dries Shepard, wrapping her securely in the towel.  He briefly leaves the bathroom, coming back with a t-shirt and sweatpants.  Garrus quickly dresses her.  Then, again picking the shockingly passive Lily up into his arms, he carries her to the bed before carefully setting her down. 

Shepard has not uttered a single word, completely lost in her pain and grief, tears still running down her cheeks.  Vakarian quickly removes his armor, leaving on only his thin under-armor pants.  The turian crawls onto the bed and takes Lily in his arms.  Lily stiffens but soon relaxes when Garrus’ heat begins to penetrate her ice cold skin and his familiar scent comforts her.  She seems to recognize his scent even lost in her grief.  Her shivering begins to lessen and soon no more tears leak out.  Exhausted, Shepard quickly falls asleep lying against Garrus. 

Never having been this close to Shepard, he takes advantage of the opportunity and drinks her in.  Her glossy ink black hair is free flowing across her shoulders.  The bold violet streaks in her hair are just as vivid and beautiful as before her death.  Shepard has radiant coffee colored skin.  He once saw a photograph of her parents on her desk; her skin is a perfect blend of her mother’s dark chocolate skin and her father’s glowing pale skin.  It is so rich in comparison to Garrus’ and looks incredibly smooth.  Cerberus had somehow re-grown her skin, while it was the same color; all her battle scars are missing, as if they had never existed.  The most visible ones: across her lips, her ear, her neck, all gone.  Garrus notices the other ones are gone as well: the stab wound on her stomach, the scar that ran across her knuckles, her multiple bullet wounds.  The less visible ones the turian had seen during their sparring sessions while going after Saren. 

Her skin is no longer marred by the glowing red scars that had once bared her cybernetics.  Unlike his, her scars healed quickly and are no longer visible.  The turian wonders if it’s a result of her paragon nature…and his tendency toward being a renegade especially after his squad had been slaughtered.  Lily has always cared more for saving innocent lives than she does for vengeance, revenge, or punishment.  Her help with going after Dr. Saleon had made him think about his own perceptions.  Her influence had made him less hard, less renegade in his thinking.  Which might be why her death had hit him so hard, Shepard had made him a better person, a better soldier, a better _man_.  She had just made him want to _be_ better, simply because _she_ believed he could be. 

Although, her brilliant purple eyes are closed, Garrus can picture them aglow with their usual fire.  He’s never seen anyone else with eyes as strikingly violet.  Unable to help himself, the turian strokes his talons up and down the soft skin of Shepard’s bare arm.  It is just as smooth and soft as it looks.  He is overwhelmed by feelings of protectiveness.  Never before has a woman inspired such feelings in him, much less a _human_ one.  This woman, who has sacrificed so much for the universe, even her own life, has _never_ given up even when she is ignored, dismissed, or labeled crazy.  He wonders if she has ever had a single easy moment in her entire life.  _*Maybe before Mindoir…but not after she saw everyone she knew killed. Life certainly has tried to break her.  Until tonight, I’ve never seen even a crack in her defenses.  Until tonight, I didn’t know she could be defeated.  Damn you, Kaidan.  Look what you’ve done to her!*_

Garrus yearns to protect this unbelievably strong woman from everything fate would throw at her.  Chuckling a little, he imagines Shepard’s reaction if he told her he wants to protect her.  Garrus may not have a lot of experience with human women but he knows Shepard well enough to know she would _not_ react well to any overt attempts to protect her.  She would take it as an implication that he thinks she cannot take care of herself, which would probably lead to Garrus being slammed against a wall a few times by her biotics as a _very_ painful reminder she can damn well take care of herself.  He winces a little just thinking about it.  Shepard’s past has made her strong and extremely independent.  To survive all she has, she had to be. 

Yet, being this close to her, he cannot deny, even to himself, that he still cares more for her than he should…much more than a soldier should feel for his commander.  The feelings that first arose on the Normandy SR-1 have not disappeared, not that he is truly surprised at that. 

Shepard is and always has been…incredible, one of a kind.  She is like no one else he’s ever met and makes him feel things he never has before.  With Lily sleeping against him, the intensity of his feelings cannot be ignored or denied.  Garrus has no idea what to do about them.  Should he risk his heart or hide them as he did while going after Saren?  What about Kaidan?  After what happened on Horizon, how does Shepard feel about her once lover?  These questions have no easy answers and his uncertainty makes him shift uneasily.  Lily gives an irritated snort in her sleep at his movement before hugging herself closer to the turian.  Vakarian can feel her breathing in the scent of his skin almost as if she is reassuring herself that it is him she’s lying against.  Shepard sighs contently once she gets comfortable.  Her head is pillowed on his shoulder, her arms wrapped snugly around him, and her body pressed tightly against his side.  Garrus looks down at her.  He is so in awe of the trust Shepard has in him.  He can’t imagine her acting this way with anyone else, even if she had been freezing, exhausted, and completely out of it.  Trust is not something she gives easily anymore. 

When he had joined the Normandy’s crew he had been warned never to touch Shepard while she was sleeping.  The stories of how she often slept with a knife and tended to use it against anyone who touched her were enough for him to heed that warning.  For Lily to not react violently to his touch but to burrow into his warm embrace is nothing short of earth shattering.  He knows this mean something, something _significant_ but he is not sure just what that is. 

They have a special bond, the turian and the human, one that was not easily defined by either person but just…is.  It has always been something Garrus simply could not explain.  Regardless of whether Lily feels something for him or not, he knows she recognizes that there is something special to their friendship.  After she died Garrus had tried without success to make his father understand why he had been so affected by Shepard’s death.  There is one thing Vakarian knows, one thing he is certain of.  There is not a single person, alive or dead, that he trusts more than Shepard, not even his own family.  He wonders if she feels the same.  With her trust issues, it would be an honor if she did. 

He knows that Kaidan Alenko had never spent the night with Lily, even when they were together.  Yet, here she is sleeping against him without protest.  Yes, Lily is not truly herself but Garrus believes that fact is even more telling.  She is vulnerable now, her guard is down and he knows if he was in her situation, he would have lashed out at someone he didn’t trust completely.  Garrus certainly wouldn’t have slept against someone he didn’t have complete trust in.  Not when he felt off kilter, vulnerable.  He would have dealt with it alone.  He has to wonder what that says about him and how Shepard sees him, feels about him.  If nothing else, it says she trusts him enough to allow herself to be vulnerable around him.  As far as Garrus knows, she trusts no one else that much, at least not on this ship. 

During Alenko’s and Shepard’s relationship, Joker had believed it was his personal mission to fluster Kaidan into revealing details.  And Joker had been _very_ good at it.  The crew had known absolutely _everything_ about their relationship due to his skill and Kaidan’s naiveté, not that Shepard had known that.  It was one of the few things that the crew had been able to successfully hide from her.  Everyone knew that after the couple was intimate, he left almost immediately.  She didn’t seem to trust Alenko enough to willingly share her space.  The relationship had been on Shepard’s terms alone.  And Kaidan had been so in love with her that he was puppy dog eager to take anything she was willing to give him.  Garrus remembered thinking that it appeared more akin to how turians used sex to relieve tension than a relationship, at least on her side.  But that could have been wishful thinking on his part…considering that he had been half in love with her himself.  Maybe he had just wanted to believe that it was nothing more than sex. 

The turian begins to feel his eyelids becoming heavy, the emotions of the evening catching up with him: between Horizon, Kaidan’s reaction, Lily’s breakdown, and Garrus’ own acknowledgement that he still has feelings for her despite the hopelessness of it.  He closes his eyes and falls asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around Lily. 


	3. Shepard Wakes

When Shepard rouses out of a deep sleep, she immediately becomes aware that something is different.  That she isn’t alone.  The last time she hadn’t been alone in her bed was when one of her siblings had crawled into bed with her.  She never allows her lovers to sleep with her.  The level of trust that requires has never been met in any of her past lovers. 

Lily remains still but senses no threat.  Cautiously, she flexes her fingers and feels warm, leathery skin.  Opening her eyes, Lily confirms her suspicion.  The body she is curled against is indeed Garrus, as she knew it would be.  There is no one else alive that she trusts enough to fall asleep next to.  For a second, Shepard is confused as to how the turian ended up in her bed.  Then, the memory of last night flashes before her eyes: her breakdown after Horizon, Garrus’ arms lifting her off the shower floor, drying her ice cold body, carrying her to the bed, then the warmth of his arms and body around her.  The last thing she remembers is feeling safe and not feeling alone.  For the first time in a very long time, for the first time since her parents, her sisters and brothers died.  That desperately lonely part of her had eased for the first time in years because he had been with her. 

Garrus is still sleeping and Shepard takes the opportunity to study him.  Even asleep his face is full of sharp planes, containing none of the softness humans have in rest.  Her eyes caress the features of Garrus’ face.  Lily studies his clan markings, marveling at how the dark blue color stands out against his muted gray skin.  The markings are interrupted only by the newly healing scars on his face.  She imagines his eyes, such a piercing blue, that always makes her feel as if he somehow can see into her soul.  His mandibles are slightly flared, exposing his sharp turian teeth.  Despite his ‘alien’ appearance, Lily only sees the features of a beloved and trusted friend.  One of the few she has left.

Shepard has never seen Garrus without a shirt and examines the strangeness of his chest.  The first thing she notices is his skin.  Up close it is vaguely shimmery, akin to snake skin, which adds another dimension to his otherwise lackluster gray skin.  Plates of varying thickness cover his upper chest, with each plate being well-defined.  Shepard wonders if this definition is because Garrus is so muscular or if it is typical of turians.  Most of the plates appear smooth, while others are slightly rough.  Garrus’ neck is without plates, the skin appears smoother, softer and is surrounded by what Vakarian had once told her is called a carapace.  To her it seems to be something between a hood and a krogan’s hump in appearance.  His waist looks much like his neck, the skin being thinner and plates noticeably absent.  Stroking a finger across the ridges of Garrus’ chest, Lily jumps in surprise at how the simple touch causes such an intense fluttering in her chest.  His chest plates are so warm to the touch.  Moving her fingers down his chest, Shepard strokes his waist.  Vakarian’s skin is remarkably different in texture there.  His chest feels very leathery, while the skin at his waist is surprisingly smooth and soft.  Garrus, still asleep, responds to her caress at his waist with a purring sound coming from deep in his throat.  The heat she feels from touching Garrus flashes through her body and intensifies with his obvious approval.  Shocked and a little overwhelmed by her reaction to Garrus, Lily snatches her fingers back.  She pushes those strange feelings away, aware that she can’t deal with them right now. 

Shepard shifts her weight in an attempt to slip out of his grasp.  In response, Garrus rumbles disapproval low in his throat and tightens his arms around her, holding her more securely to his chest.  The action is so atypical of him that Lily can’t help but laugh.  The turian never has been a touchy-feeling kind of guy.  The sound appears to wake Garrus and he looks around the room before his intense blue eyes settle on Lily’s.  For a second, the two just stare at each other.  Then, he suddenly stiffens, obviously waiting for a reprimand for his bold behavior the night before and for the position in which they lay together.

His awkwardness only increases the longer Shepard’s deep purple eyes silently stare at him.  Her gaze is intent, as if seeking out his secrets, yet giving nothing of herself away.  Finally, he can’t take the quiet anymore.  “Uh…you were so cold from the shower…that…uh…I thought my body heat could…you know…warm you up?”  Lily simply quirks an eyebrow as Garrus stumbles to explain himself.  “Uh…well…I must have fallen asleep…uh…I should just go, right?”  The turian continues to shift nervously side to side.  Since Shepard is still pressed against him, every movement slides her against his bare skin, which only appears to increase his unease.  His mandibles fluttering endlessly as his eyes dart back and forth, avoiding Shepard’s eyes, an illustration of just how nervous he is.  The turian is so agitated that he seems totally ignorant that his arms are still tightly encircling her, preventing her from leaving his side.  

Laying her hand on his chest, Lily soothes, “Garrus.  Just relax.  I am not going to attack you.  I want to thank you.”  It is Shepard’s turn to look uncomfortable.  Her obvious insecurity finally settles the turian’s anxiety down.  She continues, “Uh…what happened on Horizon…well…it was…I…Kaidan…”  It is Garrus’ turn to feel smug, his mandibles fluttering to show a glimmer of his amusement that Lily is so agitated, that her usual silver tongue is astonishingly absent.  Seeing Shepard flustered is something he never thought would happen, much less witness _and_ be the cause of.  Eventually, Garrus contains his amusement enough to tilt his head and flutter his mandibles in a questioning manner.  Shepard has just been staring at him, baffled by her utter lack of finesse.  _*What the hell is going on?  Why am I acting so awkward?  It’s only Garrus…right?*_ Shepard questions herself. _*I feel as tongue-tied as a teenager on her first date._ _Date!?!  Why did I say date?  Focus, Shepard!*_

Garrus continues to look at her with a question in his eyes.  “Uh...”  Shepard mentally shakes her head.  Easing out his arms, she sits up in the bed.  A serious look upon her face, she asks earnestly “Is Kaidan right about me, Garrus?  Am I a traitor?  To the Alliance?  To him?”

Vakarian immediately sobers, quickly sitting up in the bed.  “What?!  _Shepard_!  NO!  You are _not_ a traitor!  If anyone was betrayed, Kaidan betrayed _you_!” the turian answers fervently, his hands gripping her biceps firmly, his gaze intense, as if willing her to believe him.  “He didn’t even give you a chance to explain, just assumed that you had betrayed him, that you what? Faked your own death?  Let twenty crew members _die_?!  Left the Alliance to work for **_Cerberus_**?!  _Seriously?!_ Assumed that you would let him, and everyone else, believe you died for **_two_** **_years_**?!  Doesn’t he know you at all?  He said he loved you but he sure didn’t show it.  Kaidan knows _nothing_ about love or loyalty or trust, _nothing_ about **_you_** or who you are.  I _knew_ it was you on Omega, the first time I saw you through my scope.  I _knew_ it was you, never any doubt.  Your scars were gone but you were still _you_.  He was in a relationship with you, how could he not **_know_**!?”

Shepard just gapes at Garrus.  He is breathing heavily and his face and eyes are filled with rage and intensity.  _*I have never seen Garrus act this way before…this intense and passionate.  Definitely never outside a mission.  Where has this been hiding all this time?*_   **  
**

More calm, Garrus continues on “You _are_ doing the right thing here, Shepard.  The Alliance sure isn’t doing anything about the Collector attacks and neither is anyone else.  What are you supposed to do?  Sit back and watch as thousands, maybe even millions of humans are taken, while the Alliance does _nothing_?  That’s the right thing to do?!  That’s bullshit and you know it!  Cerberus _is_ evil.  You and I both know that.  The horror…the _torture_ they inflict through their ‘experiments.’  They are willing to do _anything_ as long it gets results.  No matter the pain and suffering they cause, no matter the cost, no matter how unethical or immoral.  Jack’s a prime example of what they are capable of.  She’s is one fucked up woman.  Let’s face it, what she went through would have broken most people.  It’s amazing she didn’t attack you when she knew you were Cerberus after what they did, it’s amazing she doesn’t just try to kill everyone she sees.  The husks they created.  What they did to Admiral Kahoku.  What they did to that Alliance team, the Thresher Maw attacks.  There is no denying they have done a lot of horrifying, evil things.  But they are the _only_ ones willing to do anything about the Collectors.  If we can stop the Collectors, then hell yes it is worth it to work with Cerberus!”  

“Garrus…I—I don’t know what to say.”  Lily is staggered by the vehemence in his voice, in how much he believes and trusts in her.   _*Someone actually believes me, trusts me, recognizes that I **am**_ _doing the right thing.*_

“What, the **_great_** Commander Shepard doesn’t know what to say?” Garrus says dryly.  His comment breaking through her shock.    

“Laugh it up, Garrus.  You are really enjoying this aren’t you?” Shepard smirks.  She takes a deep breath and sighs.  “But seriously, besides Joker and Chakwas, you are the only one from the Normandy, from my past, to believe in me, to _trust_ me, to be there for me.”  Although smiling, Lily has tears in her eyes.  “Kaidan was just the last straw.  The man I was with before I died, who professed to love me but didn’t, **_couldn’t_** trust me.”  The tears disappear as her anger ignites, “How can he say he loves me but can’t trust me?  What kind of _man_ does that make him?  What kind of lover?  Even Anderson, a man like a father to me, doubted me.  Sure, he got my Spectre status reinstated but he knew I was going to Horizon, _knew_ that Kaidan was there, _knew_ that Kaidan and I had been together and he did _nothing_.  No warning, no heads up, nothing.  He let me be blindsided.  I deserved more than that from him.  I mean, I woke up in a Cerberus lab, finding out I had been not only dead for two years but Cerberus… _Cerberus_!...was the one that brought me back.  The Alliance, the Council had made no attempts to recover my body or those of my crew.  Just left me there in the cold darkness…” she says with a faraway look on her face.

“My team, my crew, my friends were all gone.  Surrounded by people I didn’t know, didn’t trust and the people I trusted didn’t trust _me_.  **_Everyone_** changed but me.  Yet, when I found you, I finally gained some balance.  Somebody I trusted actually trusted me back.  Garrus, you never questioned following me, you questioned trusting Cerberus but never _me_.  You were the first person to _not_ doubt me, to have my back.  And I needed that so _badly_.  You don’t know how lost I would have been without that, without _you_.  I was so alone…  Joker and Chakwas couldn’t help me in the field when I needed someone I could trust at my back.  Jacob seemed to be an honorable man but he was still Cerberus.  I needed someone who wasn’t _Cerberus_.  When I desperately needed you, you were _there_.  I don’ know how to thank you Garrus.”

“Shepard…I…I don’t know what to say,” he stammers awkwardly.

“Now, who’s tongue-tied?” teases Shepard. 

Garrus still doesn’t know what to say, while loyalty to your superiors is just expected of turians, loyalty to a human…one who is linked to a radical human terrorist group?  _*I know how Dad would react to me following Shepard again.  He was furious when I quit C-Sec to follow her the first time.  He was so disappointed and angry that I threw my career away to follow a Spectre and a human one at that.  Given how much he despises Spectres, I wasn’t actually surprised.  But following a Spectre working with Cerberus, **without** official Council approval?  Spirits, he would be so angry, so disappointed in me.  More than when I quit C-Sec for the second time to go to Omega after Shepard died.  Dad never understood why her death affected me so much.  Without her, I was so empty, so lost.  Omega was an escape, a last ditch effort to do something with my life before it was over.  Before I could no longer bear to live without her.  Dad... when has he ever been proud of me or understood me?  I’m just not a very good turian, not a very good son.*_

“Well, enough of this warm and fuzzy crap.  I’m going to take a shower and then we’ll go out and find somebody to kill, sound good Vakarian?”  Shepard pats Garrus’ arm, climbing out of the bed, and enters the bathroom. 

Garrus’ mind is running through all that has happened since last night.  Shaking his head, the turian finds and dons his armor.  He takes the time to clean her armor before leaving.  By the time he is in the elevator, she is already done with her shower.  Garrus is still lost in his thoughts when he enters the mess hall.  Miranda, Jacob, Jack, Gardner, Ken, Gabby, and Joker all turn to stare at him. 

Garrus stops in his tracks, puzzled.  “What?” he says wondering why everyone is looking at him that way, as he goes to the cupboards to get some dextro-friendly food.  Every eye in the room follows him. 

“Sleep well, Garrus?” Joker asks with his signature smirk across his face.  “Shepard’s bed soft enough for you?”  The turian starts a little at the blunt question.  It is obvious that they all know he never left Shepard’s quarters last night.  The group is practically salivating to hear all the dirty details.  They all seem to assume that Garrus and Lily had sex last night.  Everyone eagerly awaits Vakarian’s answer, wondering if he’ll admit the ‘truth’ or lie.  Jacob is especially intent, unknowingly revealing his growing feelings for the woman to anyone who takes the time to look.  “Wha—What?” stutters Garrus. 

“I asked you to check on Shepard last night, not _sleep_ with her,” Joker replies sarcastically.  

“I didn’t—we didn’t—” stammers Garrus.  He draws a deep calming breath, recognizing the manipulating attempt by Joker as the same he had successfully used to fluster Kaidan in the past.  Narrowing his eyes, Garrus glares at the group.  “It’s not going to work, Joker, I am not as naïve as Kaidan.”  Joker raises his brows and tries to look innocent.  Jack loses patience and demands with her usual bluntness, “So, did you fuck her or not, Vakarian?” 

Not knowing how to respond, Garrus looks up from his food to see Shepard walking in behind the group.  He flutters his mandibles and grins, knowing that no one else has seen or heard her.  Lily smiles back before putting her intimidating commander face on.  “Yeah, Garrus, so did you fuck me or not?” 

The group jumps.  Shock, guilt, uncertainty, and fear are written all over their faces.  Gabby and Ken stand frozen, fear coming off their bodies in waves.  They seem to be hoping they are invisible and protected from Shepard’s wrath as long as they don’t move.  Gardner tries to look like he isn’t involved, furiously wiping the mess hall countertop.  The Cerberus ice queen’s façade shows signs of cracking, despite her attempts to appear unaffected.  Jacob strives for stoicism but fails, looking more like a guilty little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  Shockingly, even badass Jack looks a little scared at what Shepard might do.  “Uh…Commander, we were just…uh…” sputters Joker, his normal arrogance astonishingly absent.  Shepard lifts an eyebrow, wryly asking “You were just…what?”  He jumps up, and hobbles as fast as he can force his legs to go, not caring if he breaks a bone in the process.  “I think I’m needed in the cockpit,” mumbles Joker.  The rest of the group disperses just as quickly, abandoning their food, each murmuring feeble lies before leaving Garrus and Shepard alone.  Their eyes finally meet again.

“Did you see that, Joker jumped about five feet in the air?!” snickers Garrus. 

“They were asking for it, weren’t they?” laughs Lily.  A few moments later, she declares, “You know they aren’t going to let this go, right?”  Shepard pauses before saying matter-of-factly, “And it’s not going to be me they are going to be pestering either.  I don’t think anyone is brave enough to challenge me…not even Jack apparently.” 

Garrus sighs, slumping his shoulders.  Suddenly, he brightens. 

“Hiding in the battery isn’t going to work…” Shepard says sympathetically. 

The turian’s hopeful appearance collapses, “Spirits…” 

Lily just laughs at how miserable Garrus looks; taking pity on him she states “You could just tell them the truth.” 

Vakarian just shakes his head, “It’s not going to help.  They won’t believe it anyway,” he moans pathetically. 

“Then lie.  Tell them we had sex, they’ll be so shocked that you admitted it that they’ll be speechless.  Can you imagine the look on their faces?  Priceless…”  A devious look appears on her face.  “Hmm…I wouldn’t want to miss that.  Maybe I’ll tell them,” Lily says slyly.  

The look on Shepard’s face scares Garrus more than a little… _*I am so glad I’m not on her bad side, there isn’t a more daunting adversary than Shepard_. _*_  

“Yes!  This is going to be fun.  Garrus, I don’t want you to say anything to _anyone_ , got it?  Here’s what we are going to do…” The Commander lays out her plan.


	4. The Plan

Later that day…

After the incident that morning, an anxious energy blankets the Normandy.  The news spreads rapidly throughout the ship, rivaling even the rate of Mordin’s mouth.  Most of the crew is gathered in the mess hall for supper.  Jacob, Miranda, Gardner, Ken, Gabby, Jack, and Joker all sit huddled together, eating.  The group is suspiciously quiet, even Joker is silent.  An uneasy air permeates the faction and they all keep anxiouslywatching the hallways for any sign of Shepard.  Kasumi silently enters, scaring the group briefly with her sudden appearance.  The thief simply arches a shadowed brow under her hood at the jumpiness of the group.  She gathers her food and sits with Chakwas, and Mordin.  “I take it Shepard hasn’t shown up yet?”  The group shakes their heads.  “Garrus either?” asks Kasumi.  “No, and from the looks of them, the waiting is punishment enough,” the human doctor responds.  Mordin cocks his head and studies the group of seven; he dizzily contemplates “Heart rate increase, secreting pheromones indicating high stress and fear level, high agitation, eyes darting back and forth…yes, punishment fitting.” 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Shepard watches the mess hall surveillance from her desk, thoroughly enjoying the apprehension and unease of the seven people.  “Garrus, you seeing this?” 

Vakarian, glancing up from the battery’s console, responds “Yeah.” 

She smiles, “Isn’t it wonderful?” 

Garrus chuckles, “You are really enjoying this, aren’t you?” 

Lily barks “Hell yes!  They so deserve this.  You aren’t feeling guilty, are you?” 

The turian looks in his omni-tool, Lily’s face is smiling back at him. Her gesture as she says, “Picture this:  every time you see Joker, he will make constant insinuations about you…and me.  Miranda’s persistent disapproval for distracting me…Jacob’s jealousy…Jack’s crude comments…the gossip from the entire crew.  Still feeling guilty?” 

Garrus laughs, “I guess not.” 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

The next morning…

Shepard and Garrus set the stage for their show; Lily is sitting atop of the mess hall counter, with Garrus positioned between her legs.  The couple are both still in their sleepwear, as they impatiently wait for 0500.  

<Flashback: Shepard explaining the plan to Garrus>

_“Kelly comes down to the mess every morning at 0500 to get a cup of coffee.  She’s mind-bogglingly predictable; she is also a notorious gossip. When she comes down, we are going to give her a little show.”_

_Garrus eyes her uneasily, not sure he even wants to know just what she means.  He has a feeling he isn’t going to like what is going on in her devious mind…“Show?  Do I even want to know?”_

_Shepard grins mischievously, “We are going to shock them by making them think their speculations are true.  When Chambers walks in, she is going to see us together: kissing, touching.”_

_“What?!” shouts Garrus._

_Lily arches an eyebrow, “What, don’t think we can pull it off?” she challenges._

_Vakarian stutters “But—but turians don’t kiss, no lips, remember?”_

_“Don’t worry about it, just follow my lead.”_

_His anxiety does not lessen any.  He is alternatively terrified and secretly thrilled.  This is Shepard, who he has feeling for.  He wants her but getting to touch her intimately is a double edged sword.  The knowledge that is just for a joke, instead of real desire is painful.  The turian will get a taste of his dream; the one he knows will never be real._

_“Okay, Garrus, do you want to practice?”_

_“Prac—practice?” stammers the turian._

_“Kissing.”  Judging the doubt in Garrus’ eyes, Shepard slowly walks toward him, “I am going to press my lips to your mouth, okay?  As long you don’t appear disgusted, you should be fine.  A little awkwardness may even make it more believable, come to think of it.”_

_Garrus groans, watching her mind wander, wondering what he has gotten himself into this time._

_Finally, the human reigns in her thoughts. “Ready?”  At his hesitant nod, she leans into him, gently brushes her lips against his mouth.  When Garrus doesn’t move, she presses her lips more firmly into his.  A few moments later, Lily eases away.  “Okay? Think you can do it or do you need more practice?”_

_“N—No.  I’ll just follow your lead.  It’ll be fine,” Garrus replies lamely._

<End of flashback>

Checking the time, Shepard declares “Showtime…”  The ruse begins with Shepard kissing Garrus.  He clumsily tries to kiss her back, pressing his mouth against hers.  The turian is still unsure how a kiss is supposed to work for someone without lips.  It just feels…awkward.  _*Not that her lips don’t feel…good?  I guess that would be the word.  They are warm and soft and so unlike anything I’ve felt before.  I just don’t know what the hell I am doing!* Garrus thinks._

When Kelly walks in, she halts when she sees them.  _*Oh!  Isn’t this interesting?  Either they lost a bet, which judging by the lack of anyone around to witness I doubt, or it’s an act.  Shepard looks like she’s waging a war…entirely too aggressive, with no real passion behind it, and poor Garrus looks so rigid and uncomfortable it’s painful to watch.*_   Chambers is unfortunately much more perceptive than Shepard had anticipated. 

The turian breaks the kiss.  Moving his mouth down the human’s neck, he stops where her neck meets her shoulder.  His tongue darts out to taste her skin.  Surprised by the silky texture of his tongue and the heat it provokes, Lily rolls her head to the side, arching her neck, silently begging him to continue.  _*Damn, that feels so good_ , _*_ she thinks.  When he pauses, Shepard pleads, “Don’t stop,” completely unaware that she utters her desperate plea out loud.  Unable to deny her request, Garrus gives her what she wants, dragging his sleek tongue slowly across her skin.  For the first time, they appear to completely oblivious to Kelly’s presence, lost in each other. 

The Yeoman smiles broadly at the drastic changes in the couple.  Shepard is clinging to Garrus, the embodiment of a woman surrendering to the surprising passion her partner rouses.  Garrus’ awkwardness astonishingly disappears in a flash and he radiatesconfidence, displaying male satisfaction at the power he has over the female. _*They have truly forgotten I’m here, forgotten that this isn’t supposed to be real.*_

Shepard wraps her legs tightly around Garrus’ hips, driven by her need to get _closer_ to him.  All thoughts of her plan and the fact that this isn’t supposed to be real are pushed away as Lily allows herself to simply _feel_.  The turian lifts her up off the counter.  Holding her in place, Garrus caresses her bottom, enjoying how soft and pliable it is.  He is as lost in the moment as she is, forgetting all about the plan as he simply enjoys touching her.  This is what he wanted: to feel her willing body underneath his fingers, for them both to feel pleasure from his touch. 

Shepard shivers, feeling his talons through her thin pajama pants as they run carefully along her skin.  He turns, steadily making his way to the battery.  Lily’s eyes are instinctually closed, she doesn’t want to see Kelly, doesn’t want to remember this is supposed to be an act.  Taking advantage of his occupied hands, she slips her hands under his shirt.  Shepard lightly nips at his neck, then soothing the spot with her tongue.  A shiver runs through Garrus’ body and his gait stutters.  His mind and body are battling.  His mind desperately wants this to be real, while his body is screaming that _it is real._   Vakarian knows even if it isn’t real for her, what he is feeling, what she is _making_ him feel is absolutely genuine.  Because he wants this, he wants _her_ , even if she doesn’t truly want _him_.  Feeling his reaction, Shepard smirks briefly before continuing to teasingly bite and soothe.  Finally making it to his lair, Garrus sets her down on the battery’s console and nuzzles her neck.  Both are breathing heavy.  The sound of the door closing begins to awaken the two from their lust-filled state and they slowly stop their movements. 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Kelly hasn’t moved.  She is intrigued by what she has seen.  _*How could they have thought I would buy that act?  Until, of course, they were no longer acting.  Then, what a performance!*_   Chambers smirks. _*But they have underestimated me.  People are always underestimating me, must be my perky nature.  Unfortunately for them, they seem to have forgotten I’m a psychologist.  I see much deeper than most believe.  Shepard, as it would have to be her, Garrus would never have thought of paying everyone back by confirming the rumors.  She had a pretty brilliant plan to shock them.  However, this little act to mess with the crew is going to have a greater impact than they realize…_

_Watching the two of them interact on the Normandy and in battle has been very informative about how they truly feel about each other.  I remember when Garrus first came aboard, Shepard reacted when I said I wanted to comfort Garrus.  Shepard was jealous and she couldn’t hide it from me.  Her jealousy didn’t abate even after I suggested she and Garrus would make a cute couple.  Shepard watched me with suspicion for weeks after that, as if ensuring I didn’t actually try anything.  The fact that her jealousy was unconscious, that she didn’t even realize it, showed exactly how much she truly cares for Garrus.  She has never looked more worried than she did while waiting for Garrus’ prognosis.  Her hands had been slightly shaking when Garrus was brought to Dr. Chakwas.  She had been absolutely **terrified** at the thought of losing him.  I have never seen that same level of worry before or after, not even in life or death situations with her and her squad.  In battle, the two work perfectly in sync, as if they are one. Her guardedness toward the rest of her squad only makes their unison more noticeable.  It is obvious Shepard trusts him more than anyone else and not just because she knew him before.  While she trusts both Joker and Dr. Chakwas, there is still a part of herself she keeps hidden from them both, a wall that always remains between them.  They know her but they don’t know all of her.  Garrus seems to be the only one that she is able to entirely let down her guard with, the only person she is completely open with.  And Shepard watches him, not as a commander but as a woman, when she thinks no one is looking.  She doesn’t to even be aware of it..._

_And Garrus…Garrus had barely recovered from his injuries when he risked his life by exposing himself to the plague.  He knew turians were vulnerable to it, that he would probably be infected.  Even knowing he might not be cured, he went anyway, simply to protect Shepard’s back.  He went beyond what a soldier would do for a commander, even for a friend.  It was unnecessarily reckless.  She didn’t even ask him, had in fact tried fervently to convince him she didn’t need him.  But he demanded to go, stubbornly refused to be left behind.  He couldn’t, wouldn’t trust anyone else to have her back.  Shepard had reluctantly let him go.  Garrus had been infected but thankfully, Mordin had been able to cure him.  On every mission since, he has gone with Shepard and is hyper vigilant about protecting the woman.  At times, it seems he is more concerned about her safety than his own. He’s been hurt more than once because his attention was on her, on her safety instead of what was in front of him.  Garrus tends to watch Shepard when he doesn’t think anyone is watching, as much as she does him…_

_What is remarkable is that the two’s behaviors seem completely unconscious, neither aware of what they are expressing through their actions if a person simply pays close enough attention.  If a person looked beyond their façades.  Both are soldiers, used to hiding their feelings.  Neither seems to be aware of the other’s feelings.  Their behavior appears so obvious to me but it seems no one sees it but me._

_I know far more about their personalities than they give me credit for.  Neither Shepard nor Garrus would have willingly chosen such a public place, even if driven by passion.  They wouldn’t take the risk of being caught necking like a couple of teenagers, especially after all the rumors floating around since the night Garrus spent with the Commander.  Shepard keeps her personal life very private, even more so after Horizon.  She does not trust Cerberus and has been hesitant to fully trust me and the other Cerberus employees.  Garrus appears naturally reserved about his personal life, and rarely shares it with others.  Very little is known about him, only that he was previously C-Sec, helped Shepard go after Saren, was Archangel on Omega, that he loves to ‘calibrate’ the guns, and that he’s Shepard’s right hand man.  I don’t know if even Joker or Chakwas know any more than that.  The only time either one seems to relax or share is in the presence of the other.  Both soldiers are too private to risk exposure of such an intimate moment for such an obviously new relationship, especially since the relationship is much more than just sex to the two of them. If they were going to expose their relationship to the crew it would be deliberate, not because someone ‘stumbled’ over them._

_Everyone knows I get coffee at the same time every morning.  Shepard is more than aware of that, as is Garrus.  They knew I would walk in on them; they **wanted** me to catch them.  _

_Despite their ‘fake’ act, they both care more deeply for each other than they are aware of, what with each trying to hide their feelings from the other and everyone else.  For being such smart and perceptive people, Shepard and Garrus are completely unaware to all the signs. How they can’t see it…or anyone else for that matter continually baffles me.  This show will force them to confront their feelings for each other much earlier than even I anticipated.*_

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

With the door closed, Shepard pushes all the feelings Garrus has provoked away, and forces an effortless sounding laugh.  She has had a lot of practice in hiding her feelings since Mindoir.  “That will be all over the ship before you know it.  Kelly has the biggest mouth on the Normandy.  Imagine their faces!” 

Garrus, however, isn’t as happy as Shepard pretends to be.  The turian is not as unaffected as the Commander appears to be.  Once he had gotten a taste of her skin, Garrus was no longer pretending.  Of course, neither was Shepard.  But he doesn’t know that.  Remembering the sweet and sharp taste of her skin like expensive turian chocolate, the softness of her bottom under his fingers, Garrus subtly tries to shift away from her.  He knows if they stay this close, she will feel that his member has begun to emerge from the protective pouch, which shields it from Palaven’s radiation.  She almost lets him go but as he shifts she feels his arousal first.  Lily abruptly looks down at their joined hips then at him.  Garrus ducks his head and looks away, again attempting to step away from her.  Embarrassment is written all over his face, evident by the blue blush rising up his neck.  She tightens her legs around him, forcing him to stay pressed against her.  “Garrus?”  He hesitatingly glances up into Shepard’s eyes. 

Astonishingly, she smiles encouragingly at him.  Staring into his unsure icy blue eyes, she leans forward, kissing him and then slowly grinding her hips into his.  Shepard, remembering the feeling of Garrus’ tongue on her skin, wonders how it would feel against her own.  Moving her lips against his, she murmurs against his mouth, “Open your mouth for me, Garrus.”  Still not understanding the appeal of kissing, at least for a turian, he reluctantly obeys.  Shepard slides her tongue into his mouth, running it lightly along his sharp teeth, before gliding it against the turian’s sleek, pointed tongue. Garrus sucks in a shocked breath, taken aback by the intimate feel, the _pleasure_ , of the human’s tongue upon his.  Turians don’t do this.  Hesitantly, he touches his tongue to hers.  The contrast of his incredibly smooth firm tongue against her slightly textured, spongy one feels _amazing_.  Gaining confidence, Garrus wraps his tongue around hers.  Shepard growls in response.   _*Now this… **this** I get* _ he thinks.  She guides his tongue into her mouth and gently sucks.  Lily moans as she feels the vibrations of the deep purr coming from Garrus’ subvocals through his tongue.  The pair quickly loses themselves in each other, once again forgetting all about their scheme.   


	5. Chakwas Gets A Shock

Doctor Karin Chakwas strolls purposefully toward the battery.  Worried about the Commander’s health: psychologically and physically, she is intent on getting the turian’s opinion on how their leader is doing. _*If anyone knows how she really is doing, it’s Garrus_. _*_   Walking through the door, she gets the surprise of a lifetime. 

The doctor immediately freezes; completely stunned at seeing Garrus and Shepard…well…together _intimately_.  The Commander is sitting on the console with her legs tightly wrapped around Garrus’ hips.  Karin watches in disbelief as his hips slowly thrust into Shepard’s, which are matching his every movement.  The couple’s behavior is incredibly, _uncomfortably_ (at least for Karin) intimate, almost as if Garrus was truly moving inside of Lily, despite being fully clothed from the waist down. 

Vakarian is bare from the waist up, while Shepard’s torso is clothed only by a bra, his shirt lay discarded on the floor with hers.  Shepard’s back is arched, pressing her front as close to the turian as possible.  Her hands are making long strokes up and down his naked back.  The human’s head is lulled to the side, eyes closed.  Her neck is curved toward Garrus, while he licks, nips, and soothes her shoulder and neck.  His talons are running up and down her bare sides.  Shepard’s breathing hitches.  Chuckling, Garrus asks smugly against her skin, “Enjoying yourself, Commander?”  Her eyes are still thankfully closed, for if she had opened them, she would see the face of the still frozen and astounded doctor.  Lily laughs, a smiling smirk on her face “Who would have thought you were hiding such a talented…tongue, under all that stuttering, Garrus?”  The turian purrs seductively, “That’s not all I’m hiding…” 

Karin had never once considered there was any truth to the rumors circulating the ship about Shepard and Garrus.  They had been close on the Normandy SR-1 but she’d never seen anything to indicate either had romantic feelings for the other.  Things did not seem to have changed much when Garrus came aboard the Normandy SR-2.  So, she had dismissed the rumors as idle gossip, believing the pair to be simply good friends.  But seeing them together, _with her own eyes_ , observing how passionately they are behaving.  It makes her wonder what _really_ happened after Horizon.  Because obviously they _do_ have feelings for each other, it is impossible to deny after what she has seen.  Karin wonders how long the two have had feelings for each other because underneath the blatant sexual behavior she can sense a strong sense of intimacy.  When the doctor is finally able to move, she slowly backs away from the oblivious pair.

Once the door closes, Chakwas staggers toward her office in a daze.  Kelly, coming down for some more coffee, notices Karin stumbling past the sleeping pods in a state of intense bewilderment.  Glancing at the battery door, then at her stunned face, Chambers immediately realizes that she had walked in on Garrus and Shepard together. 

“Dr. Chakwas?  Doctor?” 

Karin shaking her head, “Huh?  Yes?” 

Kelly subtly guides the older woman into the medbay.  “You saw them together, didn’t you?”

Chakwas looks shocked, “You _know_?” 

The Yeoman gives her a sympathetic look, “I’ll explain if you promise to keep this confidential.”  At the doctor’s weary nod, Kelly continues.  “Shepard apparently devised a ploy to pay the crew back for all their gossiping and insinuations, you know, after Horizon.  She had planned to have me stumble upon them kissing when I came down for my coffee, which I did.  The Commander, however, did not count on the performance revealing the two’s genuine feelings for each other.  They are probably just as surprised as you are.” 

Chakwas thinks, * _I doubt they were as shocked as I was...  However, Miss Chambers seems pretty confident that this is the first time Shepard and Garrus have been…um…intimate.  So the rumors are false but the rumors resulted in this…plan…which led to what I saw.  Just bizarre.*_  

Chambers continues, “And I think it is best if we keep this quiet; let them figure out things out without the crew watching their every move, don’t you agree?” 

The human doctor numbly nods and sits down in her chair.  Putting her head in her hands, Chakwas tries to wrap her mind around what just happened.  Kelly leaves her alone.   To ensure no one else will stumble upon the pair, the Yeoman asks EDI to lock the battery door.  Sighing, Karin gets up and finds her stash of booze.  * _If there ever is a time for alcohol, it is now,*_ she thinks. 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Soon after Chawkas leaves, Garrus and Lily begin to slow their movements.  They gradually stop moving against each other, and their breathing slowly eases.  The couple simply continues to hold on to each other.  For a long time the two stay this way, taking comfort in their closeness...in sharing their new intimacy.  Finally, Shepard lifts her head from his shoulder and Garrus meets her intent gaze.  The couple stares at one another, silently acknowledging the change in their relationship.  Without a word, yet while still looking deep into her beautiful lilac eyes, Garrus, little by little, backs away.  Lily eases off the console, her knees weak.  Finally breaking his gaze, she haltingly walks away.  Garrus simply watches her leave.  When the door shuts, he sighs.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Despite the brilliance of Shepard’s plan, the crew never hears a single word about what happened between Garrus and Shepard that morning.  Kelly’s typically gossipy mouth stays closed and Dr. Chakwas never says a word to anyone.  For once, Lily is glad that she was wrong and had misjudged Kelly.  If they had chosen anyone else, _everyone_ would know what happened…

_*The crew’s shock wouldn’t have been so funny after what happened in the battery.  I don’t think either Garrus or I are ready for everyone to know about us…  Is there an us now?  How did our scam turn into something so real?  This isn’t how it was supposed to go!  I don’t know which one of us was more surprised, him or me…*_  

The only indication Kelly ever gives that she saw anything at all is the brief knowing smirk she gives to the couple whenever she sees them.  Both of them commit to ignoring those looks.  Garrus and Lily remain blissfully unaware that Dr. Chakwas ever saw them together.  All three would be quite embarrassed if the pair ever found out she saw them.  Chakwas does her best to forget it ever happened, especially when around Shepard and Vakarian.  Karin has no desire to explain why she would be blushing around either of them. 


	6. Kaidan's Message

“You have a message, Commander.”  Shepard looks at Yeoman Chambers.  “Okay, I’ll read it in my quarters.”  Sitting down her desk, she opens the message.  She sighs wearily when she sees it is from Kaidan.  * _What could that man possibly have to say to me now_?* she thinks as she silently reads the message.  In disbelief, she scans it again. 

_Shepard,_

_I’m sorry for what I said back on Horizon.  The last two years have been hard for me.  I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. Why didn’t you contact me?  How could you let me grieve all this time over someone who wasn’t dead?  It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on.  I’d finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel.  Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port.  You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus.  I guess I really don’t know who either of us is anymore.  Do you even remember that night before Ilos?  That night meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you.  But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can’t just put that aside._

_But please be careful.  I’ve watched too many people close to me die—on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy.  I couldn’t bear if I lost you again.  If you are still the woman I remember, I know you’ll find a way to stop these Collector attacks.  But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted.  Watch yourself._

_When things settle down a little…maybe…we could...try again?  Reconnect?  Just…be careful._

_\--Kaidan_

_*Why the fuck is he telling me he went out with on a date?  The nerve of that man!  As if a brief, insincere message would suddenly make everything okay!_ _After what he **SAID** to me?  Giving me a half-assed apology while still blaming **ME**?   He thinks that is all that’s necessary, all that I need?  All I **deserve**?!  That I will fall at his fucking feet because he sort of apologizes even while still blaming me for absolutely everything?  That I’d give him another chance, just like that? He never gave me a chance to explain, never once!  And he still doesn’t really care what I have to say?  Even if he doesn’t believe me, **I WAS DEAD**!  How many times do I have to say it?  D E A D!  If he would have listened to me, believed me on Horizon, he would know that.  Or maybe he did hear me but refuses to believe me.  He chooses instead to believe I lied, deliberately, to not only him but to everyone.  Evidently, being dead for two years doesn’t excuse me for not ‘keeping in touch’ with him.  Death’s not a good enough reason.  _

_How was I supposed to contact him?  I tried to after I woke up, even asked Anderson but he wouldn’t give any information.  I had no way to contact him. What was I supposed to do?  I tried to tell him that on Horizon but he refused to listen.  The fucker just assumed, never once gave me the benefit of the doubt.He didn’t and doesn’t **trust** me, that is worse than anything else.  How can I trust him, if he doesn’t trust me?  I always thought Kaidan was honorable to the core, caring and empathetic…I guess I was wrong.  _

_He’s arrogant and judgmental.  He thinks only of himself.  Did he once think about me…about how I feel? **He’s** seen too many people die?  I fucking **died**!  He had two fucking years to deal and he had people to support him…his friends, family.  For me it has been mere weeks…and I’m the one that died.  I woke up and I had nothing, no one, surrounded by people I didn’t know or trust!  My family is dead, my friends are gone, and I have no one but Garrus, Joker, and Chakwas from my past lifetime.  And I have had no fucking time to grieve or adjust.  Fuck you, Kaidan!  It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a hollow message to gain my forgiveness, you asshole!* _   

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Garrus is in the battery, calibrating the guns, when he hears the door open.  He unconsciously tenses, wondering if Shepard has finally come to see him.  Days have passed since the ‘incident,’ as he refers to it; he and Shepard have rarely seen or spoken to each other.  Without discussion, they both seemingly choose to give each other space to figure things out.  To consider what happened….what they felt…what they wanted to do about their feelings…what they were _willing_ to do, to risk.  To just _think_ and absorb the monumental impact of what happened between them.  Both know if they take the next step, it won’t be a fling.  They are too important to each other for that to ever work. 

Garrus isn’t ready to talk about what happened.  Everything has happened too fast for him.  He’s not the type to just jump into things, into relationships, especially one that could either make him the happiest man alive or crush his very spirit.  Vakarian knows what he decides to do will change his life forever.  Being with Shepard has always been his secret fantasy, an impossible one at that.  He has never truly believed he ever had an actual chance to be with her, that _she_ would ever want _him_. 

Lily is stunning, not just to humans or to him but to pretty much everyone.  Garrus doesn’t know what she could possibly see in him, he’s just a scarred alien.  He’s as biologically different from her as you can get.  Turians are all hard planes and rigidity, while humans are a mixture of softness and strength.  As far as he knows, turians aren’t a species that humans typically (or _ever_ ) find attractive.  Quarians yes, even asari but not humans.  Garrus has never encountered or even heard of a turian and a human being in a relationship.  Whether that is because of their species’ contentiouspast or simply a lack of attraction, he doesn’t know.  And it is not merely Lily’s appearance that is tripping him up.  She is simply amazing.  Shepard is powerful, smart, loyal, strong, sexy, and no one in this universe can compare to her, _no one_.  People are drawn to her.  There is just something about her. 

Why she would choose him when she could have practically anyone is baffling to him.  Garrus knows he is nothing special, even within his own species he is not particularly respected or extraordinary.  If nothing else, his species views him with superior disdain for his rebellious nature.  Vakarian can’t wrap his mind around what happened because Shepard apparently _chose_ him.  She had a chance to reject him and she didn’t.  Garrus has not decided what to do about it, what he _wants_ to do about it.  He wonders if he is even brave enough to try anything with Lily.  He knows the risks.  He could lose his best friend, the person he trusts more than anyone, and get his heart broken all in one swoop. 

“Hello Garrus,” Lily said tentatively.  “Have you got a minute to talk?” 

Garrus sighs, dreading what is to come…  “Of course, Commander.”  He doesn’t know what to say to her. 

It is obvious to Shepard, that he thinks she has come to talk to him about what happened _that_ morning.  But she isn’t any more ready to discuss it than he is.  “I received a message from Kaidan.” 

The turian jerks in surprise, “What?”  His mind racing… _*What did Kaidan say?  Has Shepard forgiven him?  Is she getting back together with him?  What about me?  What about what happened between us.*_   His jealousy easily cuts through his uncertainty, a rival compels him to want Lily to only want _him_. 

Easily reading Garrus’ reaction, she promptly asks “Would you like to read it?” 

Taken aback that she would ask, he nods.  After reading the message, twice, Garrus gapes at Shepard in disbelief.  “Really?  _That’s_ what he wrote?  That’s the best he can do?  Spirits, I always thought Kaidan was smarter than that.”  Vakarian considers Shepard, then tentatively asks, “You’re not buying this are you?” 

The Commander laughs bitterly, “Hell no!  You should have heard my reaction when I first read it.  If I remember correctly I called him an asshole and told him to go fuck himself.  If he had been in front of me, he would have been a splat on the wall I was so outraged.”

Garrus takes perverse pleasure at hearing that, not only that Lily isn’t swayed by Kaidan and that she is still royally pissed.  _*Doesn’t look like I will have to worry about any competition from Kaidan anytime soon…*_ He reasons smugly.  “Are you going to reply?” 

Lily glances at Garrus, “I don’t know.  Right now, berating him is about the only thing I have to say to him.  His note only makes me furious.  Do you think I should?” Shepard asks, eying Garrus, very much wanting his opinion. 

“Well, as much as I’d love you to send him a hate-filled message, it is probably not the best idea.  It’s inevitable that at some point you will see him again, maybe even have to work together.  At some point the Alliance and the Council will come begging you to save their asses.  If you do decide to reply, maybe you should carefully consider what to write,” Garrus replies. 

The Commander contemplates that before nodding. 

To try to lighten the mood, Garrus jokes, “Remember, I did tell you that Kaidan really doesn’t know anything about you.  That’s one for Vakarian, Shepard zero!” 

Laughing at his glee at being right, Shepard just shakes her head.  Then, she thinks about when he had said that…which leads to thinking about waking up to find she had slept curled against him, their conversation, and ‘theplan’ and how _that_ had worked out.  Lost in her thoughts, she slowly mumbles “I remember.”  Garrus’ eyes widened, as he, too, thinks about what has happened recently.  Neither one speaking, Shepard eventually leaves the battery, waving vaguely at Garrus.  The two have finally stopped hiding from it and are starting to think genuinely about had happened between them… 


	7. Vid Night on the Normandy

Shepard decides to have a vid night for the crew so they have a chance to decompress.  The vid is set up in the starboard observation room.  Almost everyone who isn’t working is in attendance, every available space is filled.  Shepard is the last to arrive.  Surprised at how many are there, she looks around for a place to sit.  Not seeing a single space, she turns to leave. 

_*I think they need a little push,*_ Kelly reasons.  “Commander, you could sit with Garrus,” Chambers suggests.  Lily narrows her eyes, while the Yeoman just blinks innocently.  It’s obvious to everyone in the room exactly what she means.  Dr. Chakwas marvels at young redhead’s audacity.  Every single eye flicks to Garrus before settling on Shepard.  Everyone holds their breath, eagerly awaiting her response. 

After the incident in the mess hall, Shepard had scared the crew so much that no one had even dared to risk her wrath enough to even question or tease Garrus about spending the night with her after Horizon.  Shockingly, they had left Garrus completely alone, fearing Shepard would hear about it from him.  Not that that stopped them from gossiping.  The group is practically salivating for any indication of what really happened that night.  Especially considering how the two have been behaving the last several days.  On the Normandy, they have actively avoided each other and when they did meet, they both acted awkward and overly polite.  Despite this, Garrus continued to go on every mission with Shepard.  It’s the only time they _hadn’t_ been acting weird, lately. 

Lily glances at Garrus, trying to gauge his reaction.  It is the first time they’ve seen each other since talking about Kaidan’s message.  Garrus simply tilts his head, as if offering her a challenge.  Never one to back down from a challenge, she is unable to refuse.  Shepard walks toward the turian, never breaking his gaze.  Standing in front of his chair, Lily questioningly arches an eyebrow.  He lifts his hand, silently giving her permission.  Sitting on his lap, Shepard squirms a bit to make herself more comfortable.  She’s thankful he’s out of armor for once or this would be incredibly uncomfortable.  Secretly, Lily is quite surprised at how good it feels to be this close to Garrus, her ass straddling one of his legs and her back resting against his chest, and his familiar scent enveloping her.  She feels comfortable and relaxed and _safe_.  It is definitely not a feeling Lily is used to.  In fact, she cannot remember the last time she’s felt like this.  Maybe back when she was a young child, still young enough to sit on her daddy’s lap and feel his strength and love protecting her?  It feels like a lifetime ago, several in fact.

Dead silence fills the room.  All eyes stare intently at the couple, most of them with their mouths gaping open.  Clearly no one except the Yeoman thought Shepard would actually sit on Garrus’ lap.  Kelly looks utterly smug.  Breaking the silence, the Commander asks dryly, “So, are we watching this vid or not?”  Nervous chuckling is the only reply… 

Finally, Chambers calmly gets up as if nothing scandalous has happened and starts the vid.  For the first hour, Shepard and Garrus can feel the heated pressure of the repeated glances thrown their way from the others in the room.  Neither of them reacts to the attention.

Midway through the vid, Lily shifts in his lap to curl her body against his and Garrus almost falls off his chair in shock.  She confidently pillows her head against his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him.  Lily’s bent knees are resting against his side.  A surprised noise hums out from his subvocals, one so low that human ears cannot hear it but he’s sure Shepard can feel the vibration as she buries her nose against his throat. 

Garrus has a sudden realization, a blinding flash of insight into exactly how much he trusts her.  The neck is a very vulnerable spot on a turian, and exposing it to someone is a sign of absolute trust.  Any turian would be able to see how telling his acceptance of her touching his neck is.  Yet when he should feel fear, he instead feels completely comfortable, not for an instant feeling an ounce of fear or distress.  In turians, this level of trust is almost exclusively found in bond-mates and family.  This realization is like a shot to the heart.  Garrus trusts Lily more than any person he has ever known, including his own mother and sister.  He trusts her as much as he would a true bond-mate. 

Soon enough her breathing evens out and her body completely relaxes.  For the first time in a very long time, Lily feels secure enough to sleep in a crowded room.  Since Mindoir, it has been difficult for her to fully relax and sleep well with others in the room. 

In basic training, she slept with a very sharp knife in her hands.  It was the only way she could feel safe enough to sleep in a crowded room.  She had warned her bunkmates to never approach her while she was sleeping.  It only took once for her warning to be properly heeded when a fellow soldier touched her arm while Shepard was sleeping.  She went from sleeping to wide awake, her knife tight against the other soldier’s neck.  After that, no one touched her while she slept. 

But she feels no fear here because she has no doubt that Garrus will watch over and protect her while she sleeps.  Shepard trusts him as she has no other since her family’s deaths.  Vakarian has tentatively wrapped his arms around her to cradle her body securely against his as she sleeps.  He is utterly flabbergasted that Shepard is contently sleeping against him _in front of everyone_. 

The fact that Shepard is curled up asleep, happily snuggled in Garrus’ arms and looking very relaxed and peaceful is not missed by a single person in the room. It is known throughout the ship how much nightmares have been bothering their commander.  The dark circles under her eyes that never seem to go away are evidence enough.  Lily sleeping peacefully for once is extremely telling.  Chakwas and Joker know more than anyone else the significance of this.  Both Anderson and Shepard had warned the first Normandy’s crew about not touching her while asleep when she had been his XO.  Again, it only took one time before everyone took her warning seriously.  All it took was a broken nose and a wickedly sharp knife to the throat of Pressley, who never again forgot her warning.  Once the Normandy became hers, the crew made sure to warn every new member of just how violent her reaction would be.  While the Normandy SR-2 crew had been warned, none had seen evidence of such an encounter.  It is just stories to them, while Joker and Chakwas had actually seen Pressley’s broken nose.  The significance of Lily’s trust in Vakarian is very apparent to the pilot and the doctor. 

Inside Garrus is just as surprised as the rest of them, not that he allows anyone to see.  This is more significant than her sleeping in his arms in the safety of her cabin.  He knows it and so does everyone else in the room.  Most are openly staring at them, once again.  None of them have ever seen Shepard look as _vulnerable_ and _soft_ as she does sleeping against the turian.  Shepard is a lot of things but vulnerable and soft aren’t usually one of them.  And they can all see she is fully relaxed, not something any of them are used to seeing either.  Even aboard the Normandy her body always seems to have a line of tension, as if she is constantly prepared for an attack.  Seeing her completely without that tension is shocking and all are thinking of what that says about how the Commander feels about Garrus, the trust she has in him.  Even more surprising is how small she looks in his arms.  The crew is baffled, so used to seeing her as the larger than life war hero, their fearless leader who has conquered death, literally.  Seeing the human being behind that image, the diminutive woman underneath is a bit astounding.

Unobtrusively, Kelly takes several photos of Lily sleeping against her turian.  She’ll keep them to herself until the pair stops tip-toeing around each other and finally get together.  The redhead has no doubts that they will and that once that happens nothing will keep them apart.  Despite their differences they fit together perfectly, like two oddly shaped puzzle pieces, made for each other.  _Soul mates._  

Shepard’s behavior, her show of absolute trust, has only fed the flames of their rumored relationship like wildfire, whether it was intentional or not.  Garrus realizes there is no possible way of stopping the gossip now.  No one will ever believe either of them if they denied there was something going on between them.  Not with Shepard sleeping peacefully, snug in his arms…  Frankly, even _he_ wouldn’t believe it.  They have always had a close relationship but _this_ is new and definitely uncharacteristic behavior. 

When the vid finally ends, Vakarian waits until almost everyone has left before standing up, easily lifting Lily in his arms.  A soft whimper escapes her lips before she snuggles closer and falls silent.  Garrus can feel her steady breath against his bare neck.  He carefully carries her to the elevator.  Just as the door begins to close, Kelly sneaks in.  “Mr. Vakarian… _Garrus_.  I believe there is something you need to know.” 

The turian studies the human, remembering how surprised he had been when Shepard told him what Chambers had said about him, something about her wanting to hug him close.  He recalls thinking _*What a strange notion.  I’ve never had a human attracted to me or want to comfort me before.  Is it the scars?*_ He wonders what she thinks is so important.  Holding the still sleeping Shepard more securely, Garrus asks “Can this wait until later?”

“Trust me, you’ll want to hear this,” Chambers vows.  Vakarian sighs wearily but nods. 

Glancing at Shepard, Kelly announces “She trusts you more than anyone else.  Do you realize that?” 

Confused, Garrus stares at Kelly.  _*This is what she **had** to tell me?*_  

“After what happened to her on Mindoir…on Elysium…”  Her voice deepens, and she whispers “On Horizon.” 

Garrus lets his gaze run over Shepard’s sleeping face.  She has a look of peace no longer seen while his friend is awake after what happened on Horizon.  The betrayal has scarred her deeply, more than most realize.  Not because they had been lovers but because she had _trusted_ him.  The crew has caught glimpses of her anger but Lily’s anger is only a mask hiding the pain underneath, of being betrayed by someone she had trusted explicitly.  To have someone doubt everything that makes Shepard _Shepard_.  Only he knows and has seen how much it truly had hurt her.  Lily had been hurt enough that she had actually _doubted_ herself, doubted that she is doing the right thing.  Shepard is all confidence, conviction, and certainty.  For her normally absolute confidence to be shaken says just how much Kaidan’s words had hurt her. 

“After all she has seen, all she has faced, after what Kaidan Alenko did.  Trust is vital to her.  Yet, her trust, it is harder to earn and much harder for her to give after Horizon,” Chambers continues.  “But she trusts you, without a doubt, without question.  She trusts you more than you realize, more than even _she_ realizes.  Shepard would never have trusted anyone else enough to expose her back, a vulnerable position for any soldier who has faced death as many times as she has, especially since she doesn’t fully trust most of us yet.  But she willingly did that, without thought, without _hesitation_ , during the vid because it was _you_ , because of how much she trusts _you_.  Not only that, she fell asleep in your arms, in a room filled with people.  There is a reason none of the crew has ever seen her asleep.  Do you even realize how much she has to trust you to do so?  To let down her guard enough to fall asleep against you, surrounded by others?  To not react defensively and violently at your touch while she slept but to welcome it?  She recognized your touch in her sleep, knew that even at her most vulnerable she could trust you to keep her safe.  And I’d say it is pretty safe to assume, this isn’t the first time she’s slept in your arms, either.” 

Garrus can see that Chambers has obviously ignored the gossip, coming to her own, _correct_ , conclusion of what had happened the night Garrus spent with Shepard.  _*Maybe our little act, that turned into more is why she is so sure we didn’t do anything that night.*_

The redhead continues, “She would trust no one but you enough to do so.  Because she trusts you enough to let down her guard, believes you would protect her from any threat.  She trusts you to not take advantage of her vulnerability or let anyone else do so.  _Only you_ Garrus.  She has not trusted anyone that much since before Mindoir,” Kelly vehemently promises.  She knows more than most about Shepard, her past, and her psychological issues and health.  It’s her job to know.  “You are aware that Shepard’s ploy to authenticate the crew’s suspicions that you two were intimate, through me, was unsuccessful.  But do you know why it wasn’t?” 

Garrus slowly shakes his head. 

“Because underneath the act, it was apparent neither of you were pretending.” 

The turian makes a sound of disbelief. 

Kelly shoots him a haughty look.  “Don’t try to deny it.  It may have started out fake but that didn’t last long, did it?  _That_ is why I did not say anything.  Think on that.” 

Deep in thought, Garrus does not notice when the elevator reaches Shepard’s quarters.  He stands there dumbfounded for several minutes before Kelly clears her throat.  Garrus jumps, “Uh…I guess I better put Shepard to bed.”  The turian gingerly carries the Commander to her quarters, as if she is more precious than life itself.  Perhaps to him, she is.

Chambers watches him leave thinking * _She looks like she belongs there, in his arms.  I wonder how long it will take for them to realize that.*_

Still staggered by all that the redheaded human has said and by what he, himself, had realized, Garrus numbly walks toward Shepard’s bed.  That night after the Horizon, he had known she trusted him but had not really given it anymore thought.  He hadn’t allowed himself to ponder what her willingness to fall asleep against him really meant.  Kelly made him really consider things, to think about the strength of Lily’s trust in him and what that really means. 

Vakarian remembers an early mission during their pursuit of Saren on the Normandy SR-1.  They had been trapped for over 48 hours before the crew had been able to find them and get them out.  Not once during that time did Lily sleep, despite how exhausted she had been.  Her biotics had consumed a lot of her energy.  Yet, Shepard had refused to sleep.  She wedged herself in a corner and clutched her shotgun as if her life depended on it.  At the time, he thought she felt responsible as their commander to watch over them.  But now, it is easy to see that Lily stayed awake because she hadn’t felt safe enough to sleep, hadn’t trusted them enough to let down her guard.  Yet, Shepard does trust him enough now.  Not only in the safety of her cabin but also surrounded by a crew she does not yet fully trust.  That says a lot to him.  She trusts him without reservation.  He’s never seen her gift anyone the level of trust she gives to him. 

He considers how she sees him, feels about him now.  Garrus thinks about what happened in the battery.  How pretending had revealed his true feelings and had indicated that she also might have genuine feelings for him as well. 

Gently, he lays her down on the bed and tugs off her soft shoes.  Pulling down the covers, Garrus shifts Shepard before tucking the blankets carefully around her.  Marveling at the trusting peace on her sleeping face, he caresses her cheek, enjoying the soft, smooth texture of her skin, so unlike a turian’s.  Briefly stirring, Lily sleepily murmurs Garrus’ name.  In disbelief, he freezes with his hand on her face.  * _She said…she said **my** name in her sleep!  What does that mean?  Is she dreaming about me?  Does she know that it is me touching her?_ *  Garrus carefully runs his talons through her hair, enjoying the strange silky texture.  Tucking a strand behind her ear, he flutters his mandibles in a tender smile.  Then, silently shuffles away from the bed, glancing at Shepard one last time, he leaves the room. 


	8. Dreams

Garrus, sleeping on a cot in the battery, is dreaming. 

_Garrus is back on the Normandy SR-1 with Shepard in her quarters.  She has her arms around him with her head resting on his chest, his big body enfolding hers.  Suddenly, they hear a crash and the Normandy shudders.  Something is attacking the ship!  They instantly break apart.  Shepard orders him to get to the escape pods, to get her crew out, while she gets Joker.  Garrus sees himself walking away from her and screams at himself, “Stop, don’t leave her!  Don’t let her die alone!”  But dream Garrus doesn’t listen, only obeys his commanding officer’s orders.  He can only watch helplessly as Shepard advances to the cockpit.  Knowing it is a dream does not stop his heart from breaking, knowing what is to come.  She forces Joker to leave, breaking his arm in her zeal to drag him to an escape pod.  An explosion hits and Shepard is floating.  Before she’s spaced, she launches Joker’s pod.  He can see Joker screaming at her as he’s launched.  Garrus watches as Lily struggles to stop the leak in her air hose, watches helplessly as she takes her final breath.  Her lifeless body floating away from the wreckage…_

“NOOO!” Garrus wakes up screaming.  Breathing heavy, this isn’t the first time he’s relived her death but it is the first time he’s taken Kaidan’s place.  The dream is so realistic he can almost believe he had actually been there, that he had truly seen it happened, _lived_ it.  Sitting up, the turian holds his head in his hands.  Vakarian’s whole body is trembling.  The pain in his heart overwhelms him.  Yet, the dream makes Garrus realize that he could lose her again at any moment.  He can’t let fear keep him from taking a chance to be with Shepard.  Garrus is going to have to find the courage tell Shepard how he feels, even if she rejects him.   

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Meanwhile, in her bed Lily dreams. 

_Shepard is on Omega, searching for Archangel.  Jacob and Miranda follow her across the bridge.  The mysterious Archangel is sniping from the room above.  Remarkably, Shepard feels only concussive shots hit her from the vigilante.  Her teammates appear to have been spared as well.  Working her way through the endless supply of criminals, she enters Archangel’s hideout and calls his name.  The turian vigilante continues sniping, without even glancing back to see who called his name.  *How did he survive this long if he blindly trusts us?  How can he possible know we aren’t here to kill him?  How easy would be to shoot him in the back…*  Finally, the vigilante turns around, taking off his helmet.  Shepard’s heart leaps, “Garrus!”  Her dreams fast forwards to the moment the rocket hits Garrus’ face.  She runs to his side, holding his face as blue blood pours out of the turian.  Garrus opens his eyes and gazes regretfully at Lily.  He tenderly strokes her face.  Then, his bloody hand drops and his body falls limp.  His eyes are dead and empty as Shepard frantically searches them._

Lily wakes up screaming “GARRUS!”  Tears are running down her face from watching her friend die.  She’s had nightmares similar to this one before, but it’s the first time Garrus caressed her face before dying.  And it hits harder than ever before.  That last touch, that simple caress, filled with such love.  It shatters her.  Looking down at her hands, Lily sees she is shaking.  _*I almost lost him.  What if I had lost him?  What if I lose him?*_ Hugging herself, Shepard realizes that she’s wasted enough time.  She can’t put it off any longer.  She _has_ to talk to Garrus. 


	9. Feelings

The next afternoon…

Garrus stands staring at nothing in front of the battery’s console.  His mind is not on calibrating but on Shepard.  Over a week had gone by since ‘incident’ and they still haven’t talked about it.  The turian is beginning to think that he is going to have to initiate the conversation but is secretly petrified of being rejected by his best friend.  Despite his terror-filled promises after watching Shepard’s death in his nightmare the night before, he hasn’t quite work up the courage to tell her how he feels.  Vakarian has never been a coward but he’s never had to risk his heart so completely or had to risk losing his best friend before, the person he trusts more than anyone else in his life.  He is not good or even comfortable with emotions, no doubt his father’s influence.  And Lily makes him feel very deeply and Garrus finds it unsettling.  Over the last week, he has thought continuously of her.  What he feels for her is overwhelming and he has his suspicions as to why that it.  If what he suspects is true, that Lily is his life-mate, he has absolutely _everything_ to lose if she rejects him.  To a turian to be rejected by your life-mate is like being shown paradise and then having it ripped from your grasp and sent back into a colorless, hopeless void where there is only pain and despair. 

Garrus’ omni-tool beeps, Shepard is calling him.  Opening the call, he looks at her, “Commander.”  Her face serious, yet Vakarian cannot quite interpret the expression on her face.  Lily looks…almost terrified but resolute.  Fear is not something he is used to seeing on her face.  “Do you have time to talk?  In my quarters?”  _*This is it.  We are finally going to talk about it,*_ the turian realizes.  “Sure, should I come up now?  Or…” 

“I’m free now.” 

Nodding, Garrus replies, “Be right up.” 

While waiting for him, Shepard attempts to give herself a pep talk.  _*I can do this.  I can tell Garrus I have feelings for him.  Tell my best friend…and risk everything.  I can’t do this, what if he rejects me?  What if I ruin our friendship?  Fuck!  No, I have to do this.*_  Taking a deep calming breath, she tries to be more positive.  _*Garrus would never hurt me, even if he doesn’t feel the same.  I’ve fallen so hard for him, for my best friend.  The person I trust and rely on more than anyone else.  If he feels the same, we have a chance at something…something wonderful.  I will be brave.  No risk, no reward.*_

When Garrus arrives, the two of them stare at each other, nervous, tongue-tied and uncomfortable.  Both know they finally will talk about what happened and what they want to do about it.  “Why don’t we sit on the sofa?” Shepard suggests.  They sit down, both still obviously ill at ease, neither one knowing how to start.  Lily, finally, is the first to act.  She gathers herself and begins to speak.   

“Before…before I died, I held myself back.  There was always a piece of me that I didn’t share, not with _anyone_.  I didn’t lean on others; people leaned on me.  You were there, you must have noticed that.  It’s been like that since my family died.  Before the attack on Mindoir, I was a different person.  I doubt you or anyone who knows me now would have recognized me.  I was carefree and light hearted.  I was frivolous and constantly joking around.  I had my sisters, my brothers, my parents, and friends.  I was _happy_.  God, I was so happy!  My world hadn’t been tainted yet.  So when it happened, it was a shock.  It was a day like any other…until it wasn’t.  I found my mother dead on the kitchen floor a knife stuck in her back.  My two younger brothers…just five and three, _murdered_ without mercy.  I saw my father struck down as he tried to protect my younger sister from the batarians.  She died seconds after him.  And…God…my own twin, Leeloo, born just minutes after me.  They killed her too.  We were running together, hand in hand, trying to escape.  They shot her, Garrus.  God, they shot her in the back.  With her last breath she begged me, _begged me_ to escape.  And I could do nothing else but grant her last request.  I had to leave the other half of my soul behind.  I was the only one left of my once large family and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t give them the satisfaction of wiping out my family’s entire tree.” 

Vakarian is shocked at how much Shepard is revealing.  As far as he knows, she has never talked about Mindoir or her family, not to anyone.  He hadn’t even known she had once had such a large family, a _twin_.  The vids about her only mention that her parents were killed, nothing about her brothers and sisters, nothing about a twin.  Garrus can see from her voice and body language that it is still difficult for her to talk about. 

“At just sixteen, I lost everyone I loved.  For the first time in my life, I was completely alone.  As much as I loved my parents and siblings, what I shared with Leeloo was special.  With her I was never alone, even when she wasn’t there.  I could feel her with me, no matter how far apart we were.  When she died, that piece of her was ripped from my body.  I was truly alone in a way I had never experienced before.  It _hurt_ , it hurt so much.  What happened there forever changed me.  I had no choice _but_ to change.  I became much more serious, more focused, and completely self-reliant.  I have been alone since and that’s the way I wanted it.  What happened…it forced me to grow up fast, to rely only on myself.  It was safer to depend only on myself, safer to never show any vulnerability or weakness.  Because in the end, all I had was me.  I had no one to rely on, to trust.  Since then I dealt with things alone, being with Kaidan didn’t change that.  When I helped Talitha from Mindoir, I never talked about it with him or with anyone.  I grieved all over again after that but I did it alone.  I doubt anyone knew how much seeing Talitha hurt me, how much simply _remembering_ hurt.  It hurt me as much as it did her.  And damn it, it hurt so much to remember that day, the day where my life changed so drastically.  Reliving my family’s deaths was hard but I did it alone.  I went through it alone.  I didn’t, _couldn’t_ share that part of myself with him.  I never told Kaidan about Mindoir, he knows as little as most know, simply that my parents died when I was sixteen.  He knows nothing about my siblings or my twin.  I didn’t lean on him.  I didn’t _need_ him.  I wouldn’t allow myself to need him.”  It is an immense weight off her shoulders to finally have someone she trusts enough to speak about her family.  She has done that with no one, not even Anderson, despite their closeness. 

Shepard meets Garrus’ intent blue gaze, declaring “I left a lot unsaid.  So many things I _wished_ I had said, things I wished I had done.  But I’ve got a second chance and I am not wasting it.  Do you know what the thing I regret the most is?  I never told you how I felt.  I had… _have_ feelings for you, Garrus.  Romantic feelings.  Before I died, I couldn’t even admit that to myself.  Because if I did, I would have risked my heart, risked the pain of losing someone I cared for again.  And I wasn’t brave enough to do that.” 

Garrus gapes at her in shock.  She’s revealed so many things he hadn’t known, that no one knew.  As much as he had hoped she had feelings for him, Vakarian never truly believed she did.

Lily continues “I figured you—No.  I was afraid you would never return my feelings.  I didn’t want to risk you rejecting me or losing my best friend.  I couldn’t risk seeing disappointment or disgust or worse pity on your face.  But most of all, I couldn’t risk loving someone again.  I didn’t think I was strong enough to lose someone I loved again.  So I buried my feelings, until it was like I never had them.  But death has made me a little braver.  Even if you reject me, I’m not leaving this unsaid this time…” 

Lily gazes keenly into Garrus’ eyes, searching for a sign of his reaction.  For the first time in a long time, she can’t read anything from him.  His face gives absolutely nothing away.  It is completely still, not so much as a mandible twitch.  As the silence lengthens the pressure inside her builds.  Shepard confesses, “I was with Kaidan because I thought I couldn’t be with you.  He was so eager to be with me, you know?  I had hoped that I could learn to care for him, maybe even love him.  But I couldn’t, not in the way I was supposed to.  I loved him as a friend, not a lover.  Truthfully, inside I knew that being with Kaidan was safer.  Because it was just sex to me, not love.  I didn’t love him.  I wasn’t risking my heart being with him.  He couldn’t hurt me, not like you could.  I don’t think he loved me as he should have either.  Maybe he just hero-worshiped me, loved me because I was a hero, the first human Spectre, the larger than life soldier, not the woman underneath.  Maybe that’s why he didn’t trust me on Horizon.  I wasn’t a hero in his eyes anymore...”

Shepard is starting to show the strain of the waiting, her vibrant purple eyes are beginning to dim as she loses hope, even as she resolutely continues on.  “After Kaidan, I need to be with someone I can trust, and there is _no one_ I trust more than you, Garrus.  Hell, if all I wanted was sex, half my crew is willing.  There are plenty of men _and_ women, willing, _eager_ even, to sleep with me for a variety of reasons.  But I want more than that.  And you are the only one that can give me that because you already hold a piece of my heart.”  The deafening silence continues and Shepard finally slumps.  She lowers her eyes, her shoulders droop, and she wraps her arms around herself trying to comfort herself.  * _He doesn’t feel the same…*_   Shepard feels so lost, so empty.  That warm feeling inside her is gone.  She had known the risks but clearly she hadn’t been prepared for how much his rejection would hurt.  It is utterly soul wrenching. 

Then, Lily feels Garrus’ hand on her face.  He lifts her chin until her tear-shined eyes meet his.  Her lower lip is trembling as she fights to keep her tears from falling.  It is a battle she loses as one lonely tear trails down her cheek.  Seeing it, his heart breaks a bit.  Tenderly, Garrus wipes away that single tear.  “Shepard…” sighing her name.  “I thought this—this was _impossible_.  I—I couldn’t allow myself to hope, to _dream_ that you would ever have feelings for me.  Even after what happened in the battery, I didn’t truly believe that you would ever be interested in me.  Why would you choose me, a _turian_ , when you could have someone more like you, another human or asari or even a drell?  I could think of no reason why you would choose me.  I am stunned that you _choose_ me, that you have feelings for _me_.  Spirits, Shepard!  I never thought I would be that lucky.  The first time I ever felt something for you I was so shaken.  I couldn’t believe it.  I had never felt what I feel for you before, for anyone, turian or otherwise.  The first time I realized I had feelings for you was when you asked me to teach you hand-to-hand combat, that first session.”

<Flashback of Garrus and Shepard’s first sparring session>

_“I hear turians are skilled hand-to-hand specialists.  Think you can teach me?”_

_“Not all turians are skilled at hand-to-hand combat, you know, Commander.”_

_“Are you saying you aren’t one of those proficient turians?”_

_Garrus laughs.  “No.  Actually I was at the top in my class.  Are you really serious about learning?  Because you know I will be throwing you all over the place, it’s the way I was taught.  It is the easiest way for me to teach you, the most efficient way for you to learn.  It comes with a lot of bruises.”_

_Lily shoots back with attitude, “Come on, Vakarian.  You think I’m afraid of some bruises?  Seriously?!  Have you totally ignored my war wounds?  I mean, come on, you’ve been there when I’ve been shot, stabbed, punched, cut, burned…need I go on?  Bruises are the least of my worries.  My whole body is covered with them, what’s a few more?”_

_“Okay, Commander.  Are you free now?  If you’re not—“_

_“I’m free now, just let me get changed,” she interrupts._

_“Okay, I’ll meet you in ten?”_

_At her nod, Garrus goes to the battery to change out of his armor, while Shepard goes to her quarters.  Vakarian arrives first and readies the mats.  Soon the Commander enters, wearing a work-out tank top and shorts.  Garrus is a little shocked by how different she looks.  How her body looks in those tight, surprisingly revealing clothes, so different than the armor or military uniform he is used to seeing her in.  She is showing a lot of skin Garrus has never seen before.  Shepard, herself, is surprised by Garrus’ clothing, as she has never seen him in anything but his armor.  Privately, she had wondered if he sleeps in it.  It is very strange to see him wearing a soft-looking long-sleeved shirt and loose pants._

_For several brief moments, the two can only stare at each other.  Finally, Shepard asks “You ready?”  Garrus nods, and begins the lesson, teaching her various holds and techniques.  After she has learned the basics, they start sparring.  Shepard attempts to use the techniques she’s learned to try to make Garrus submit.  Over and over, she fails.  Each time, Garrus shows her what she had done wrong, adjusting her position to a more effective one or showing her several different techniques she can use in the particular situation.  Shepard’s body is already covered in new bruises from Garrus throwing her around repeatedly._

_“I am not quitting until I pin you at least once.  It’s damned embarrassing,” whines Lily._

_He can’t help but laugh at how pathetic she sounds.  “Okay, Commander,” Garrus says with a grin._

_“And don’t even think about letting me win,” she warns._

_“I wouldn’t dream of it.”_

_A half an hour later and Shepard still hasn’t come even close to winning.  After being pinned for what feels like the millionth time, she is getting worried that this session will never end unless she gives up on beating him.  At her nod, they start again.  Shepard dives through Garrus’ spread legs before latching herself on to his back.  The turian simply uses his long arms to grasp her shoulder flipping her over his back.   With his arms around her, her back pressing firmly against his chest, the human thinks for sure she has lost again.  But surprisingly, after a moment, she feels a slight relax in the turian’s hold.  Taking advantage, she grabs his arm, flipping him over her shoulder.  Straddling his waist, she pins him.  The Commander looks into Garrus’ bewildered eyes, the turian looks like he has no idea what has just happened.  “Yield?” she demands.  He closes his eyes briefly before nodding.  Lily jumps up, and does a little victory dance.  Garrus is still lying on the floor dazed and unmoving.  “Well, I guess that’s enough for the first session,” he says haltingly.  After Shepard leaves, he continues to lay there for several more minutes, trying to figure out what just happened._

<End of flashback>

“When you had me pinned against your chest…you—you _hesitated_.  It was the one time I beat you that session,” Shepard says remembering. 

“Just as I was going make you yield, I got this funny feeling in my stomach.  Feeling you in my arms…the smell of your skin…your hair…I got distracted.  That has never happened before.  You can’t imagine how shocked I was.  I have never looked at a human like I did you that day.  I have never felt that way toward a human or any species besides turians before.  Hell, I have never looked at another human or any non-turian that way since.  By the time I figured out what had happened and why and could admit that I had feelings for you, you were—you were already with Kaidan.  You had chosen him and I lost a part of me that day.  I saw you flirting with him the same day I was going to tell you about my feelings because I had thought that maybe, just maybe you felt that same spark.  But you didn’t.  You were with Kaidan and I had lost my chance.  I took comfort in simply being able to be near you even if you couldn’t, _didn’t_ want me.  If I couldn’t be with you, I could at least be your right hand man, in my thinking.  I dedicated myself to being someone you could rely on, someone you could trust absolutely to have your back in battle.” 

Gently stroking the side of her face, “Lily…” Garrus murmurs her name as a caress, it is the first time he has ever said her first name aloud.  “When you died, my life lost all meaning.  It’s why I—I went to Omega.  I just couldn’t take what the Council, what the Alliance, what everyone was doing.  Ignoring the Reaper threat, ignoring what you had fought for, _had fucking died for_.  You _died_ trying to warn everyone about the threat and _still_ they called you crazy, a liar, downplayed everything that had happened, everything you told them, everything that you sacrificed and fought for.  I couldn’t take their ignorance, their lack of faith.  I couldn’t watch Kaidan fall apart after you died, knowing how jealous I was of him for having memories of being with you.  I was so angry with him.  For having been with you.  For leaving you on the Normandy.  For being unworthy of you and for letting the Alliance dismiss your findings about the Reapers.  He didn’t fight them, just went along with it, like a good little soldier.  I found it sickening to watch.  You _died_ …and I had no purpose, no drive to live without you.  All I had left was fury, a motivation to right the wrongs, to punish those deserving of it.  I knew I would die there.  I did, I _knew_ it…and I was ready, prepared even, to die there.  I quickly found out I simply couldn’t live without you, Lily.  I just couldn’t.”

Garrus takes a deep breath before continuing, “The second I saw you on Omega, I recognized you.  The way you moved, it was exactly the same.  No one moves like you do.  You had that same unique aura that always surrounds you, the strength of your power almost shimmering around you.  I was so sure I was hallucinating.  That my sleep deprived brain was playing tricks on me.  I thought I was dying.  That with my last breath, my last conscious thought, my mind was so focused on your memory that it felt _real_.” 

Lily lightly caresses the scars on his face, and smiles.  The tears in her eyes no longer full of sadness but shine with pure radiance.  The turian brings his head down and touches foreheads with Shepard.  “Touching foreheads is a sign of affection in turian culture,” he explains.  Garrus, of course, doesn’t mention that this behavior is almost entirely exclusive to bond-mates and families.  He needs to touch her like this, to feel the comforting presence of her skin against his.  He _needs_ it with a desperation he has never felt before.  Although their relationship is just beginning, what he feels for her is strong.  Far stronger than he has ever felt before. 

The two stay that way for a long time, just looking at each other and smiling with the joy of knowing they have a second chance, one they aren’t wasting.  They have a chance to be together, a chance to fall in love and be loved in return.  To be secure in the fact that at least one person has your back, trusts you, _believes_ in you, even if no one else does. 


	10. Confrontation and an Awkward Sex Talk

 “Thank you Lily, for saving my son from my fate.  For giving me a chance to re-connect with him before my illness runs its course,” Thane Krios says in his formal manner. 

“Glad I could help, Thane,” replies Shepard in her typically modest and sincere way. 

Garrus watches this exchange with narrowed eyes, well aware of what the drell is conveying by calling her by her first name.  No one calls her Lily.  Except for Garrus, and even then it’s only been in private.   Garrus hasn’t called her Lily in front of anyone, _yet_.  He can see that by using that name, Thane is suggesting, _desiring_ , a familiarity, an intimacy between them.  Vakarian finds that completely unacceptable.  His turian instincts well up and he can’t fight them.  He doesn’t want to.  He knows he will confront Krios when Lily leaves. 

The Commander quickly grabs an energy bar from the cupboard.  She waves at the two men as she leaves them in the mess hall and heads to the elevator to speak with Joker.  The turian watches as Thane’s unblinking black eyes follow Lily until she disappears from sight. 

“I see what you are doing, Krios,” Garrus barks out with a biting edge. 

The drell turns his large dark eyes to the other man.  “I do not know what you are referring to,” he says calmly. 

“Calling her Lily, I know what that means.  You _want_ her.  You’re falling in love with her,” Garrus snarls.  He raises himself to his full height, attempting to use his height and fierce appearance to intimidate the smaller assassin. 

Thane remains unruffled, replying dryly, “Vakarian, I do not see how it is any of your concern what I call Shepard or how I feel about her.  That is between her and me.”  The assassin recognizes how very special Shepard is and figures he has nothing to lose trying to pursue her.  He knows that Garrus has a thing for her, but then so does Jacob and half the Normandy crew.  As long as Lily is free, Thane is willing to try.  In the end, it is her choice and he wants her to realize his interest. 

An aggressive growl rumbles deep in his throat, as Garrus slams Krios into the wall.  “Violence, Vakarian?  I am not afraid of you.”  Before he can react the turian suddenly brings his forearm up to the drell’s neck, choking him.  In a voice cold as death, “You should be afraid.  I have lost Shepard twice, TWICE!  Once to Kaidan Alenko and once to death, _I_ _will **NOT** do it again_!  She is _my_ mate, _my_ woman!  I will not hesitate to kill you to protect that, in fact it would bring me a great deal of pleasure.”  Thane starts to see stars.  He is close to blacking out when Garrus finally releases him.  The drell immediately drops to floor gasping, choking, and coughing.  Vakarian looks at him dispassionately, “I will not warn you again.” 

In the medbay while talking with Dr. Chakwas, Mordin observes the whole exchange.  Although unable to hear the conversation, the salarian studies Garrus.  _*Interesting.  Vakarian is displaying male posturing and aggression.  Characteristic of turian males warning rivals off their mates.  Must have discussion with Vakarian and Shepard about interspecies intercourse.*_

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

After the vid night, the crew has been hyper-vigilant at watching the interactions between Shepard and Vakarian.  That night made it painfully obvious that _something significant_ is happening between them.  The two had noticeably stopped actively avoiding each other after that night.  Yet, everyone could see they still weren’t quite comfortable with each other either.  A slight awkwardness between them, clues those around them that the pair has not quite figured things out. 

But Garrus’ confrontation with Thane provides evidence that something major has changed. 

Joker is stunned as he watches the confrontation play out before him, even more so when he hears the familiar sound of the Commander’s footsteps coming up behind him.  She doesn’t say a word, her focus firmly on the surveillance feed.  Joker can feel the rigid tension in his body as he waits for Shepard’s reaction, shooting her quick glances.  She ignores his gaze, even though Joker is sure she is aware of his repeated looks.  Her face is impassive and the pilot has no idea what she is thinking. 

On the screen, Garrus releases Thane and the assassin abruptly crashes to the ground.  Jeff turns, surprised to see a smirk form on Shepard’s face.  It’s the last reaction he expects: for her to find amusement at her new boyfriend’s (as it is obvious to him, by _both_ of their reactions that the pair is finally together) primitive, aggressive warning and possessiveness.  He knows he’s going to secretly retrieve the surveillance of that smirking reaction, knowing no one will believe him without proof.  After Shepard watches Garrus walk away without a backward glance, she leaves silently without saying a single word.  Once she’s gone, Joker curses in shock before sending the vid of the incident and Shepard’s response to the rest of the crew.  The two vids: Garrus threatening Thane away from Shepard, as well as her reaction make it clear to everyone that the pair are officially a couple.  One that is serious enough for the turian to act startlingly possessive and threatening and for Lily to be very unexpectedly accepting of his behavior. 

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Mordin, of course, is unfazed by the vid, having seen it in person.  Being able to hear the words of the exchange between Garrus and Thane simply confirms his conclusions.  The vid of Shepard is intriguing, however, to the salarian.  While her behavior is typical of female turians, it seems so atypical of _her._ Humans as a collective are not know to approve of such blatant and aggressive possessiveness.  Shepard in particular does not appear the type to appreciate such displays.  Her reaction intrigues Mordin.  She is by no means turian and it is curious that she reacts in the way she does. 

Chakwas isn’t surprised either, as she remembers walking in on them in the battery.  The passion between them had stood out starkly that morning and between that and their close friendship, Karin knew it was inevitable for the two to get together. 

The redheaded Chambers has a permanent smug look on her face.  She is confident her push during the vid night had been exactly what the couple needed.  She knew this was coming even before Lily and Garrus did. 

Thane ignores the one of the altercation.  He lived it, and with his perfect memory he needs no reminders.  Instead, Krios focuses on the vid with Shepard’s reaction.  It is split screened, allowing him to see both the confrontation and Shepard simultaneously.  The drell watches thoughtfully as her face changes from blank to smirking.  It is all the evidence he needs, Shepard feels the same for the turian, as Garrus feels for her.  Krios immediately abandons his growing feelings for her.  She obviously has chosen Vakarian and Thane has no intention of coming between them.  

Samara watches the vids, detached as the Code dictates no reaction.  While she has spent only a short time with Shepard and Garrus, Samara surprisingly feels a bit of satisfaction at watching the turian’s actions.  _*He is strong, perhaps even strong enough for the Commander.*_

Grunt, of course, enjoys the violence of the dispute.  He reacts with that crazy little giggle he has at the thought of challenging Vakarian.  He wonders just how far Vakarian would go.  Grunt has no interest in the human as a mate but fighting, he is all for passionate combat.  He thinks Garrus would be very intense and unrestrained if forced to battle for Shepard. 

Jack laughs at Shepard’s smirk, thrilled to see her enjoy the show of violence as much as Jack does.  The biotic is secretly happy that the two have gotten their heads out of their asses and got together.  Jack has realized that despite Shepard’s affiliations with Cerberus, she is a good and honorable person.  Shepard deserves happiness.

Miranda quirks a brow at Shepard’s reaction.  _*How very unexpected.  I never would have thought she would enjoy such possessiveness from a partner.”_

Zaeed, like Grunt, wonders if he could challenge the turian to a competition for Shepard.  He’s not so old that he hasn’t noticed Shepard’s curves.  And power in a woman has always drawn him in.  It doesn’t hurt that the mercenary is always ready for a fight, either.  He guffaws, as he imagines collecting his ‘prize.’  Zaeed knows Shepard would never let anyone claim her as a prize, although it might be fun to try…if she didn’t kill him of course, which she probably would.  As fun as it is to imagine, he’s not quite dumb enough to actually try it. 

Ken and Gabby watch the vid together.  Gabby melts a little at the obvious connection Shepard and Vakarian have formed.  Ken, of course, breaks her sentimentality with his typically awful humor.  “So, all it takes to get Shepard is to almost kill a rival?  You think I’d have to chance if I poisoned the turian?”  Gabby rolls her eyes at his childishness, “You are such a pig, Ken.  It’s a wonder you’ve ever been with a woman with the giant disconnect between your brain and your mouth.”

Jacob, however, watches the vid with horror.  Seeing how intimidating Garrus is, a shiver of instinctual fear runs through his body.  Any interest he had in Shepard immediately evaporates.  He has no intention of crossing the very _large_ , very _angry_ , very _possessive_ turian.  Seeing Shepard’s amusement at the violence doesn’t quell his fear any either. 

The rest of the crew watch with delight as the incredibly jumpy human biotic visibly cringes whenever Garrus is near.  It comes to a head one day when Jacob accidently runs into Shepard.  He instinctively grasps onto her hips to steady her.  A second later, Jacob gapes at Garrus in horror, ripping his hands away and stuttering a frantic, pleading apology to the man.  If the turian hadn’t known that everyone knew about his confrontation with Thane, Jacob’s behavior made it perfectly clear.  And Vakarian can no longer hide his amusement and full out laughs in the stunned man’s face.  Shepard soon joins in, finding Jacob’s terrified behavior surprisingly hilarious.

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

A few days after the confrontation between Garrus and Thane, Lily goes to check in with Mordin.  She finds him to be an interesting character, as she never knows quite what to expect from the hyperactive salarian.  Shepard has never worked closely with a salarian before.  “Hi, Mordin, have time to talk?” 

He replies "Actually wanted to talk.  Medical matters.  Aware that mission is dangerous.  Different species react differently to stress.  Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians.  Still recommend caution.  Turians and humans very different biologically.  Warn of chafing."   

“Um…”  Shepard shakes her head, trying to get over the shock that Mordin is totally nonchalantly discussing her having sex with Garrus…and warning her about chafing.  "Er—I intend to be cautious, Doctor, but Garrus is important to me.  You're not going to scare me off."

"Of course.  Hormones.  Regardless, come see me later.  May need analgesic.  Chafing."

_*Again with the chafing!*_ Taking a cue from the doctor, she asks “Do you have a recommendation as a doctor?”  Despite her dispassionate tone, she is feels a little embarrassed…as if her dad was nonchalantly talking to her about sex. 

Solus replies, "Turians based on dextro-amino acids.  Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reaction.  Anaphylactic shock possible.  So don't, ah, ingest.  Can test for dextro-amino acid allergy level, if agreeable.  Also, forwarding advice booklet to your quarters.  Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable to both species, erogenous zone overview.  Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort.  Gave EDI electronic relationship demonstrations vids to use as necessary."

Shepard laughs, "Wait a minute, Mordin.  This is a joke isn’t it?  You're just yanking me around, right?"

The salarian proclaims, "Shocking suggestion!  Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust.  Would never dream… _of mockery_.  Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard.  Will be here, studying cell reproduction.  Much simpler.  Less alcohol and mood music required."

_*This is by far the weirdest discussion I’ve had with Mordin.  That’s including the time he started singing!  I can’t wait to tell Garrus about this,*_ thinks Shepard.  “Uh…okay, thanks, Mordin.”

SHEPARD AND VAKARIAN

Later that day…

 Garrus comes to Shepard’s quarters to talk to her.  Seeing his baffled expression, she guesses that Mordin has cornered him and gave him a similar sex talk. 

Smirking at his embarrassment, she inquires “Seen Mordin lately?” 

Vakarian’s bewildered blue eyes meet Lily’s amused violet ones. 

“He talked to you, too?” he asks horrified.

Laughing, she can only nod. 

“That was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had!” whimpers the turian. 

“Yeah, I know the feeling…” the human agrees.  “You’re not—I mean…are you having second thoughts?” she asks hesitantly. 

“No!  Of course not!  A little horrifying discussion about cross-species intercourse from our crazy resident salarian doctor isn’t enough to scare me away from a chance of being with you, Lily.”  The two share a smile. 

Hearing a beep, the Commander checks her omni-tool.  “A message from our illustrious salarian doctor; our allergy tests are complete.  Both of us are completely immune to the possible allergic reaction of our differing biology.  Apparently, that is extremely rare…so I guess congratulations to us both being freaks of our species!  At least we don’t have to worry about dying if we…uh…ingest.  It’s one less thing to worry about.”     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure when the next update will be. The next couple of chapters are sort of written. They concern loyalty missions, I've written about Miranda's but that's about it. Garrus's will take place later and has already been written. I've written meeting Wrex again but not Mordin's or Grunt's loyalty missions. The big question I have is: do you want me post what I have so far and just update those chapters later when the missing sections are written OR do you want me to wait to post until the chapters are complete? Let me know which you would prefer.


	11. Loyalty Missions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it’s been over four months since I’ve updated this story. I’ve been busy writing for my other fandoms, mostly Criminal Minds, as well as beta’ing for three authors. Thank you to those of you who have taken the time to comment. I do very much appreciate each comment. AmaraCousland recently gave me a glowing comment that reignited my interest in this story. It is easy for this story to be pushed to the side as much as I love it because there aren't many voices pushing me to work on it. This update likely wouldn't be happening without that comment. So thanks!
> 
> I also changed the breaks between scenes. Hopefully, it will not be as distracting as my previous was.

The slim likelihood of surviving the impending suicide mission provokes each squad member to ask Shepard for help.  Each mission brings the squad closer; with each mission the Commander understands and trusts her team members more. 

Jack’s mission is quite satisfying.  Shepard is proud of the biotic.  Jack had allowed Aresh to leave.  Jack may never be normal but Lily knows she has a good heart underneath all that brash tough girl act and that decision shows it.  She’s had a hard, fucked-up life but she has changed being on Shepard’s team.  Jack has made _friends_ , real ones.  With people who will have her back instead of awaiting the opportunity to take advantage of her.  When Jack breaks down in her cell, Garrus respectfully exits the room.  Curled into a ball on the floor, Lily wraps her arms around her.  She thinks of her own childhood horrors: seeing the deaths of her family.  Shepard may not have been tortured but she knows the pain you experience growing up never really leaves, at least not the kind that she and Jack have endured.  She is almost as happy as Jack to see that terrible place blow to smithereens.   

Shepard first catches a glimpse of the actual human being under Miranda Lawson’s bitchy persona while helping her with her sister.  Miranda actually cares for Oriana.  Lily feels compelled to help, if nothing else she wishes to help someone avoid the pain of losing a twin.  Miranda and Oriana may not be twins like she and Leeloo but their love is just as genuine.  After successfully rescuing Oriana, Shepard encourages Miranda to talk to her genetic twin.  Watching the pair interact, Lily realizes that the supposed ice queen is not as cold and unemotional as she tries to seem.  She can see the broken pieces of the ‘perfect’ biotic and has to help her heal.  It’s her nature.  Lily has never been able to turn away from someone who needed help.  She’ll earn Miranda’s trust and friendship, no matter what it takes. 

At Lily’s first attempts at building a friendship with Miranda, she is met only with suspicion and mistrust.  Miranda has no friends and the one she once had, Niket, betrayed for mere money.  And to her immoral father no less!  Yet, Shepard doesn’t let that dissuade her; she knows it won’t happen overnight.  She’s already gone through this process with Jack, aka Subject Zero.  Jack was the most distrustful person Shepard had ever met and for good reason.  The tattooed biotic had never had someone who didn’t betray her or use her or abuse her.  If she was able to gain Jack’s trust, she can do the same with the Cerberus agent.  * _I wonder if Jack and Miranda realize how alike they are.  Both have learned to be extremely distrustful and regard kindness with suspicion as if no one could possibly want to be nice to them without an ulterior motive.  It is no wonder they can’t get along, they are far too alike.  Although Miranda projects more of a cold, hearted bitch persona while Jack just goes for a crude bitch,*_ reasons Shepard.  Lily takes Miranda’s distrust and suspicion in stride, never reacting when she lashes out in anger and general bitchiness.  She knows Miranda is simply trying to protect herself the only way she knows how: by pushing people away.  Gradually, just as Jack had, Miranda recognizes the authenticity of Shepard’s offer of friendship. 

For the first time in her life, Miranda learns some social skills: how to interact with others in ways that influences others to actually like her instead of dislike her.  Shepard gives her companionship, support, and friendship.  Lawson gains her first true friend, one that has no ulterior motive.  Shepard asks for nothing in return.  She never asks for anything and is completely willing to take as little or as much as Miranda is willing to give. 

In return for easing the loneliness Miranda feels, the biotic gives Shepard unquestionable loyalty.  A little patience, attention and caring is all it takes to teach Lawson to trust, to rely on someone besides herself, another first for her.  She trusts Shepard implicitly and vows to never doubt her.  Miranda knows she is unworthy of Shepard’s trust but is willing to do anything to prove to her that she will never betray the Commander.  She’d leave Cerberus and the Illusive Man behind without glance if Shepard wanted her to.  While still having the tendency to be bitchy, arrogant, judgmental, and controlling, the others have actually seen glimpses of the lonely, insecure girl underneath it all. 

To the surprise of everyone, Thane actively pursues Miranda after seeing the cracks in her ice queen façade.  Krios sees the isolation of being ‘perfect’ has created for Miranda.  She is as much as outsider in this world as he is himself.  Through Shepard’s friendship, Thane begins to see the woman underneath; the one crying out for love. 

Miranda initially rejects his advances.  She is incapable of believing he is sincere, feeling she is entirely unworthy of love.  However, Krios is persistent and will not take the opportunity to find love once more before he dies for granted, ironically thanks to Shepard, a woman he once had feelings for.  Miranda’s wicked tongue does not change Thane’s mind.  He has seen the gentle creature inside of her that is lonely and completely desperate for love.  She cannot push him away.  No, his certainty is unshakable.  Miranda is his to love and one day she will stop fighting him. 

Thane’s persistence and patience pay off.  Her attempts to push him away gradually cease.  The little opening of her heart is all Thane needs.  The drell woos Miranda, showering her with affection and love.  It is not long before Thane begins to call Miranda Siha when he recognizes she is his true warrior-angel.  Miranda reacts in the only way she knows how.  In her fear and panic, she reverts to her harsh ways in an effort to hide her inner turmoil, her fear, desperation, and hopelessness.  She wants to believe Thane is genuine in his interest but can’t ignore the inner voice telling her she doesn’t deserve love.  Garrus taking pity on the clearly miserable woman clues her in on what the assassin is telling her by referring to her as Siha.  With time and a few secret crying sessions in Shepard’s arms, Miranda finally overcomes her insecurity and grabs hold on her chance at love. 

Over the next few weeks, the odd couple astounds the crew with the strength of their relationship.  Miranda starts to emerge as a warm and happy woman.  She smiles and laughs.  She has even begun to find acceptance and friendship from the crew…

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

On the shuttle to Tuchanka, Garrus warily eyes the restless krogan.  Shepard is taking Grunt to the krogan home world to try to figure out what is going on with him, as well as helping Mordin find his former protégé.  After a typically unfriendly ‘welcome’ made especially hostile when the krogan see she has brought along a clanless krogan, a turian _and_ a salarian.  Garrus is surprised and thankful not to be shot on sight. 

Shepard makes her way to the clan leader.  Lily and Garrus are both equally amazed to see it’s Wrex.  “Shepard!  Vakarian!  My friends!”  The krogan gives Shepard an eager handshake and a hearty punch for Garrus in way of a greeting.  “You look well for dead Shepard.  Should have known the void couldn’t hold you.  Ah, the benefits of a redundant nervous system.”

Mordin and Grunt watch the reunion silently but with interest. 

“Yeah, humans don’t have that.”

“Must have been painful then…but when have you ever let anything stop you, even apparently death?”

Shepard laughs, happy to see Wrex hasn’t changed despite his surprising new status.  He always could make her laugh with his boisterous personality. 

The krogan switches his focus to the turian, “Garrus, it’s been a long time.  I haven’t seen you since Shepard’s funeral.  I still occasionally get calls from Liara and Tali worried and wondering where you are.  Can’t say I’m surprised that Shepard managed to find you in whatever hole you were hiding in.”

Garrus wonders a bit about that, about how she found him when no one else had.  _*Maybe it was fate?  I don’t have any other explanations.*_ He smiles, replying “It’s good to see you, too, Wrex.  Clan leader now?  Taking impossible missions like uniting the clans?  Shepard has rubbed off on you.”

“She does that, doesn’t she?”

Lily rolls her eyes as the two men converse as if she isn’t standing right there.  “I’m right here.”

Gatalog Uvenk aggressively shifts toward them ever eager to voice his protest at Wrex’s leadership choices.  In response, Garrus moves from Shepard’s left side to stand slightly in front of her, his body tense and protective.  The Commander smirks a bit at his obvious, yet completely unnecessary protectiveness.  She is not only a biotic but a fucking _vanguard_!  She lives for up-close combat, unlike him who is a _sniper_.  Shepard finds it humorous: Garrus’ need, his drive to protect her even though both of them know it is completely unnecessary.  She doesn’t need his protection and they both know it.

Mordin tilts his head a bit with interest; the turian seems to be becoming bolder everyday with his mating instincts.  Grunt gives his little crazy giggle at Garrus’ reaction, his bloodlust rising in hopes of seeing him battle against the other krogan. 

Wrex headbutts the other krogan as a rebuke before grinning openly at Vakarian’s move, “Finally got it together, huh, Garrus?”

The turian tears his gaze away from the other krogan to look at Wrex puzzled.  “What?”

“You finally challenged that fool Alenko for Shepard.  It’s about time you stopped moping around and took what was yours.”

“Uh…” Vakarian’s eyes look quickly to his right to meet amused violet ones before again focusing on Wrex.  “How did you—?“

“I’m a krogan, Garrus.  The genophage has only made krogan that much more protective of what is ours.  You don’t think I would recognize territoriality?  Your protectiveness of Shepard has gotten even more obvious since her death.  If you don’t want people to know, you probably should stop that.”  Wrex pauses before adding matter-of-factly, “Also, your scent is all over her.” 

Lily quirks a brow as much in question as amusement glancing from Wrex to Garrus, she obviously has no idea she has been walking around covered in Garrus’ scent.

“Seriously, Shepard?  Is human sense of smell that bad?” asks the krogan.

“Apparently it is…” she drawls. 

Garrus looks embarrassed at being caught.  He has taken full advantage of how much less sensitive the human nose is by secretly scenting her.  It’s both a subtle and obvious claim by the turian.  Subtle in that Shepard hadn’t been aware of it until Wrex opened his big, fat mouth.  Yet, obvious to any species with a strong enough sense of smell, which includes many non-human species.  Lily has unknowingly been walking around with his scent apparent to any nose sensitive enough to smell it.  Vakarian has relished the looks he has gotten from the various species they have encountered when they had realized that Shepard is _his_ , especially since she somehow always seems to miss the looks.  The turian is hoping that she is not going to kill him now that she knows he’s been scenting her, _claiming her_ to anyone with a strong enough sense of smell.   

Wrex takes pity on Vakarian, “So.  Did you battle it out, is he dead?  Alenko?”

“Uh…that is not quite how it happened.  And, no, Alenko isn’t dead, the _bastard_.”

The krogan wonders about the vehemence behind those words.  He’d never been overly fond of the human sentinel, especially after he and Shepard got together.  In his opinion (not that anyone asked him), Alenko was never and could never be strong enough for her.  The biotic’s spineless reaction after Shepard’s death had made that perfectly clear. 

“Focus!  You ladies can gossip later,” Shepard declares dryly. 

Wrex laughs loudly before getting back to business.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Mordin’s personal mission goes smoothly, even after they discover Maelon had not been kidnapped.  Shepard convinces Mordin not to kill the other salarian.  She hopes he will take the second chance and do something good with it.  No matter how good his intentions, Maelon had done horrible, unspeakable things to his test subjects.  Maybe the data, despite the bloodshed to acquire it will prove useful in the end.  Lily can only hope.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Although it takes some convincing, Shepard takes Mordin inside of Garrus along for Grunt’s rite.  She has a feeling that Garrus’ sniper rifle will be worthless on this mission.  It is a krogan rite of passage and not a single krogan that she’s ever met or seen has used anything but a shotgun as their primary weapon.  Plus, Krogan seem to enjoy close fighting quarters as well.  Shepard shrewdly uses battle strategy to convince Garrus to stay behind.  The turian clearly isn’t happy at being left behind from the disgruntled expression on his face but agrees despite his unhappiness.  He doesn’t like not being there to watch her back but he is smart enough to realize that he’d likely be less of an asset and more of a weakness for this mission.  Shepard would probably spend more time saving him than anything else. 

Grunt is in his element in his rite of passage.  As enemy after enemy falls, his bloodlust seems to rise.  That scary little giggle is heard a few times too many, showing exactly how much he is enjoying himself.  Shepard is far too similar to Grunt.  She is having the time of life fighting wave after wave of enormous bugs.  Her own giggle as she slams into enemies with her biotic charge is vaguely disturbing.  Grunt and Shepard should not be allowed on missions together.  Mordin may be a bit of a mad scientist but Grunt and Shepard are _scary._ The three of them are all covered in blood from those damn exploding klixen, not that either Grunt or Shepard seem to notice. 

“A thresher maw?  Really?  The krogan really don’t pull any punches during this rite of passage, do they?” Shepard mutters, mostly to herself.  Thankful for her Cain weapon, she, Mordin, and Grunt make short work of the maw. 

When Gatatog Uvenk and his krantt show up, Shepard isn’t even surprised.  “Oh, so now that Grunt is worthy, you suddenly want him on your side?”

Uvenk sneers at her, “I wasn’t talking to you _human!_ ”

Shepard rolls her eyes, ignoring the krogan.  “It’s your decision Grunt.  Join or fight?”

Grunt’s blue eyes blaze, “Fight!”

Uvenk and his warriors fight hard but in the end like all the rest, he falls at Shepard and her squad’s feet. 

Grunt’s rite of passage is successful and he is eagerly welcomed into Clan Urdnot. 

As they leave Tuchanka, Shepard hears krogan raving about how they are the first since Wrex to defeat the thresher maw.  Beside her both Grunt and Garrus puff up with pride.  EDI informs them that Grunt has numerous breeding requests…and one for Shepard.  Grunt laughs hysterically while Garrus growls which only makes the krogan laugh harder.  Lily tries to hide her own amusement but can’t and a smile spreads over her lips.  Nonetheless, she grabs Garrus’ arm.  “I don’t think you have to worry about that.  I have no intentions of breeding with a krogan.  Would that even _work?_ ”

Mordin’s face reflects thought, “Improbable.”

“See, nothing to worry about.  Plus, the thought of a naked krogan kind of disturbs me.  What would that even _look_ like?”  Seeing the devious expression on Grunt’s face, Shepard warns, “Don’t even think about it!  I better not be seeing your naked ass any time soon!”

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

 Back on the Normandy, Shepard and Garrus are alone in the mess hall.  Mordin is back in his lab, working on who knows what.  Grunt is off bragging about his rite of passage to the others.  “So…were you ever planning on telling me about that?”

He gazes at her confused.

“The scenting.  Wrex seemed to imply it was quite deliberate, that you were deliberately marking me with your scent.”

“Uh…” Garrus mumbles embarrassingly, trying quickly to figure out a way through this conversation without being killed.  “Well—I—er—um.”  It was too much to hope she had forgotten. 

Lily eyes him intently and asks softly, “Was there an answer in there somewhere, Vakarian?”

The turian is scared because he can’t seem to read her.  He is not sure if she is furious or amused or what.  Garrus is wracking his brain for a way to first _not die_ and secondly to not have Shepard break up with him.  “Lily, I—um, it’s a turian thing?” Garrus explains weakly.  It’s the best answer he can come up with.  Frankly, it is the only one he can think of that she might buy.  Although there isn’t much of a chance at that considering complete lack of certainty in his voice when he says it. 

Shepard has been laughing inside the whole time.  She is astonishingly not mad.  Somehow, she seems to be okay with his repeated transparent possessiveness.  It doesn’t seem to matter to him _or_ her that their relationship just started.  And no one is more surprised by that than her.  There is something about him, about _them_ , that makes her react differently and completely out of character.  She should be mad, furious even that he has been secretly scenting her and that he is so possessive of her.  Any other man doing so would but not him.  Shepard doesn’t know why he is different and silently acknowledges that whatever the reason, Garrus _is_ different.

Lily finds Garrus’ embarrassed and fearful reaction to be unexpectedly comical.  Watching his mind work furiously in an attempt to explain his secret behavior is pretty damn funny to see.  Figuring she has made him suffer long enough, Lily cracks a smile.  “So, turians scent people they just started dating, huh?” she asks teasingly.  She can tell she’s got him when he grimaces. 

“Uh—well—some do?” Garrus mutters.  He can see Shepard isn’t buying his explanation.  Technically, turians do employ scenting, so that’s not exactly a lie.  But it is not exactly the truth either.  The problem is that it is done exclusively by those in a serious, committed relationship like bond-mates or marriage.  It is rarely, if ever, employed so early in a relationship.  And it is never done without permission. 

Vakarian should feel ashamed because he laid a claim on her without her knowledge or permission but he doesn’t.  He knew it was wrong at the time but couldn’t or didn’t want to stop himself.  Deep down, the turian recognizes Shepard as his mate, his _yazani_ , the one person made solely for him.  It is why he marked her with his scent so early because she is _his_ as much as he is _hers_.  It is why he is so possessive and protective despite the fact they only just started dating.  It is why he doesn’t feel guilty for scenting her, embarrassed at getting caught yes but not guilty.  Garrus simply could not bear to have his _yazani_ unclaimed, couldn’t bear to have their bond challenged by anyone especially when she doesn’t have his bonding mark on her neck. 

“Uh-huh.  You know, you could have just asked,” she proclaims.

“What?” His head snaps up in shock. 

Shepard shakes her head in disbelief.  “Come on, Garrus!  You can’t tell me you didn’t see my reaction to threatening Thane?  Joker sent it to everyone!  I’m surprised it isn’t on the extranet yet!” 

Garrus is startled.  Although he has seen the vids and assumed she had too, they have never talked about the incident.  He asks with incredulity, “You aren’t mad?”

The Commander laughs, “Surprisingly no.  Apparently I completely okay with your possessiveness, I can go far enough to say that I even enjoy it for some odd reason.  Why that is, I have no idea.”  Shepard honestly does not understand her own reaction, it completely baffles her.  She has no idea why she is okay with and even amused by his blatant possessiveness.  Lily has had a few men try to act possessive of her before and it had made her furious.  It had made her feel like she was a possession, not a person.  But with Garrus it is different.  She feels…warm and loved and _cherished_ even by his possessiveness.  It doesn’t make any sense but it is how Shepard feels.  Somehow even his protectiveness is okay, which is astounding.  Her reactions to other men’s attempts at that were much different; each man got a very obvious reminder that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself.  Yet, Lily feels no impulse or desire to do the same to Garrus. 

Vakarian wonders at that, her acceptance and confusion.  It sounds to him like the stories he has heard of how true bond-mates, how _yazanis_ behave.  He has never seen a pair of _yazanis_ in person before.    _*Perhaps deep down Lily recognizes me just as I have her.  Have I actually found my true bond-mate?  My life-mate?  My yazani?*_   Garrus desperately wants to believe that.  It would explain why he is so drawn to her, so possessive of her and maybe why she is so accepting of his behavior.  It would explain why he took her death so hard, why his life had felt meaningless without her in it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will read through a few more chapters tonight and try to get them ready to post either tonight or tomorrow. Hopefully I can get a good chunk of chapters posted in between writing the next chapter of Spencer Will Be Mine.


	12. Shepard Visits Her Grave

Shepard opens a message from Admiral Hackett. 

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_Commander Shepard:_

_Our scans in the Amada system have turned up something we thought you should see: the final location of the wreckage of the SSV Normandy._

_We thought this might be important to you, but we also have an ulterior motive.  The Alliance would like to honor the Normandy with a monument, to be built on the site of the ship’s final resting place.  We’d like to invite you to place the monument and be the first to walk on the site._

_There are still 20 crewmembers unaccounted for from the attack on the Normandy.  If you find any signs of these lost crewmen, we ask that you report to the Alliance, so that those heroes’ families might find some closure._

_Godspeed to you, Commander._

Reading the message, the blood drains from her face.  Shepard feels tightness in her chest.  _*He’s asking me to visit the site of my death!  It ‘might’ be important to me?  He can’t send someone else?  I’m not even Alliance anymore.  What the fuck?_ * 

Garrus walks into Shepard’s quarters and freezes when he sees Lily.  She is staring intently at her console hugging herself with silent tears trickling down her face.  “Lily?”  Garrus rushes over to her and wraps his arms around her.  “Lily, what’s wrong?”  Shepard, unable to speak, merely nods toward the console with her head.  Reading the message from Admiral Hackett, Vakarian is horrified.  _*Spirits!  The nerve of that man!  How could he be so callous?*_   Shepard didn’t almost die there, she _actually_ died there.  It may have been two years for the rest of them but for her it just happened. 

Garrus gently picks up Lily and carries her to the couch.  He sits, cradling her in his arms; her small body is dwarfed by Garrus’ much larger frame.  The turian holds her tight, giving her his strength as she deals with the turmoil of what Hackett is asking her to do.  She is being asked to go back to the place her cold, dead body had laid.  Knowing she had died is different than coming face to face with it.  Vakarian knows she hasn’t really had time to fully absorb her death.  No one has been resurrected like she has been.  She wasn’t just dead for minutes or hours but days.  No one else has ever been brought back after that length of time.  It is a lot for a person’s mind to take in. 

Soon Shepard quiets, her body relaxes against Garrus and she falls asleep against his shoulder, exhausted by the tension and emotions the message brought up.  _*Spirits, what if that message came before she and I had talked?  Lily would have been alone, gone through this alone.  But she doesn’t have to be alone anymore.  I’m here and I am not going anywhere.   She will always have me to help shoulder her burdens.  I am her shoulder to lean on…literally*_ Garrus thinks smiling as he glances at Shepard’s sleeping face comfortably pillowed on his shoulder.  _*When she wakes, she’s going to want to go to Alchera to place the monument and find the dog tags of her dead crew.  I’m going with her, I won’t let her do this alone.*_

An hour later, Shepard wakes up.  She flashes him a tight smile before easing off his lap, walking intently to the elevator. 

“You’re going, aren’t you?” 

Stopping at hearing Garrus’ question, she answers, “Yes.”  Again, she tries to leave. 

“You are not going without me.”  Garrus’ voice leaves no doubt that he has no intention of letting her go solo. 

“Garrus, I have to do this.  I—I should do it by myself.  My crew deserves that,” Lily asserts.  Despite her protests, she is afraid she isn’t strong enough to do this alone but can’t admit that to Garrus.  She is afraid to lean on someone.  Shepard has been alone for far too long…  She doesn’t know if she even remembers how to lean on someone else, how to share her burdens with another person. 

Vakarian grasps her shoulders, turning her to face him.  Taking her face in his hands, he leans in close pressing his forehead to hers, “You are not alone anymore, Lily.  You don’t have to be.  Lean on me.  We’re in this together.  I won’t let you do this without me.”  Garrus pauses before, saying forcefully, “I _am_ going with you.” 

Shepard is a little taken aback by his boldness but once again secretly, surprisingly very relieved.  “Okay,” she replies with astonishing meekness.  Garrus is the only person to ever see any hint of submissiveness from Shepard.  He isn’t sure anyone would truly believe him even if he told them, submissive isn’t an adjective that lends itself to Shepard. 

Lily is glad she can rely on Garrus’ strength this time.  This isn’t going to be an easy mission for and she knows she desperately needs his strength to get through it. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Word quickly spreads about Admiral Hackett’s request.  Most of the crew have never met the man but hate him all the same for the callousness with which he asked the Commander for help on this mission.  Shepard tends to inspire great loyalty from those around her and this crew isn’t any different.  No one else can possibly stir such loyalty from a group filled with people who are broken, disillusioned, outsiders, misfits, and criminals.  They may be an eclectic team but they are a _**team**_ all the same and that’s because of Shepard. 

Jack and Grunt react with predictable anger and bloodlust, wanting to hunt this Hackett guy down, Alliance or no, and show him their shotguns.  Zaeed would gladly join them. 

Joker having met Hackett before simply declares “I never liked him; he always rubbed me the wrong way.  I thought he was a bit of an ass and I was right.  Not as much as Udina but still an asshole.”  The pilot isn’t known for trusting his superiors, Alliance or otherwise and Hackett’s actions are doing nothing to change his mind.  EDI quietly floods Hackett’s e-mail with pornography, which Joker whole-heartedly approves of when he finds out.  He laughs thinking of how the normally unflappable Hackett will explain all the porn sent to his Alliance e-mail account.

Miranda is unsurprised by the Alliance’s audacity.  She is also extremely pissed.  Shepard has not only given her friendship but helped her find love with Thane.  Miranda feels indebted to her, more than she can ever repay.  And for once Miranda agrees with Jack.  She wants to find the man and torture him for adding to Shepard’s suffering. 

The crew has Shepard’s back.  Everyone on the team volunteers to accompany Shepard on the mission, not wanting her to do it alone.  Shepard, however, stubbornly refuses everyone’s offer.  None of them knew her lost crew.  None of them had been there, except for Garrus, Chakwas, and Joker.  The crew can’t help but be worried about her going solo.  Joker is especially worried as the person who had seen her last moments.  Hell, he doesn’t want to see the Normandy’s crash site and he _survived_ it!  Even thinking about the crash site gives him the shivers, to see the broken parts of his baby and the place where the bodies of those that didn’t survive lay.  To remember what he had lost that day: his home, his friends, his purpose.  Joker can only imagine how Shepard will react having to visit her own grave, the place where her dead, lifeless body had laid alone in the dark. 

Garrus is quick to spread the word that he is going with her.  And the crew collectively sighs in relief knowing the turian will beside her.  No one is closer to or more protective of Shepard than Garrus.  Soon after the vid night it quickly becomes obvious to the crew that the two were truly together, the vids Joker sent out made it glaringly evident.  Neither Garrus nor Shepard has made any attempt to hide their relationship from the rest of the team since the incident with Thane.  They aren’t making out in front of others or anything so obvious.  But the subtle touches and looks are evidence enough of their growing intimacy.  Without fuss or announcement, Garrus had quietly moved into her quarters.  Lily sleeps far better with Garrus at her side than she ever did alone.  His presence has also lessened her nightmares. 

They all are aware of the positive influence their relationship is having on Shepard.  EDI has made repeated announcements that the Commander’s stress levels have steadily been decreasing since the start of the relationship.  Knowing Vakarian will be there with Shepard is a great relief for the crew.  There is no one else Lily will willingly lean on for support. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Vakarian and Shepard are silent as they are shuttled to the Normandy’s crash site.  He is standing behind her, hugging her close.  Eyes closed, she simply leans back against him.  The two listen silently to the sounds of their metallic armor scraping together.  Despite fighting against him coming with her, Lily is happy to have him along, to take comfort from him.  He is the only thing keeping her from falling apart.  Confronting her own death, the place where her lifeless body had laid is both terrifying and agonizing.  Not much time has passed since she woke up after her death, far too little time for her to fully deal with the fact that she had actually _died_.  Seeing her own grave is going to be the most heart-wrenching thing she has faced since Mindoir. 

She remembers vividly how hard it had been to go back to Mindoir, to see it rebuilt after what had happened.  It hadn’t been the same…and she instantly had realized it never would be.  Just as Shepard was forever changed, so was Mindoir.  It had been beautiful once but now all Lily could remember is death.  Blood and bodies, violence and pain, those slavers killed everything good about Mindoir.  Rebuilding it could never recreate what it was before.  Seeing it rebuilt only made her grief starker because that part of her life was officially over and she could never go back no matter how much she sometimes wishes she could.  Her family was gone and nothing could change that.  Seeing the new Mindoir only served as a painful reminder of what she had lost.  She hasn’t gone back since.  There is nothing left in Mindoir for her. 

“Lily, we’re here.  Are you ready to do this?” She hesitates before nodding.  Garrus hugs her close one last time before releasing her.  Shepard takes a deep breath before stepping out of the shuttle.  Alchera is cold and snowy, the Commander’s mind flashes back to her death.  All she can feel is the bone deep cold that she had felt when she was spaced and died.  Shepard is lost in the horrible memory of her death, gasping for air as she relives it.  Garrus deliberately laces his fingers with hers; she swears can feel his heat even through both their gloves.  His touch grounds her in reality and she can breathe again. 

Shepard begins to look around.  Finding her N-7 helmet, she starts to cry.  Although awkward with them both having armor on, Vakarian again wraps his arms around her.  He hugs her small body against his chest, getting as close to her as he can.  Garrus can do nothing but hold her as she sobs, grieving her own death for the first time.  He only wishes that she didn’t have to wear a helmet so he could wipe away her tears.  It is only the second time she hasn’t been able to hold in her grief since her death and each time the turian has been there to comfort her.  As he holds her, Vakarian realizes how far gone he is.  _*Spirits, I am more love-sick than Kaidan ever was.*_   He decides he’s okay with that as long as he gets to be with Shepard.  She is worth looking like a fool.  

Again, his touch and presence eventually calms her.  While tears are still flowing, the soul wrenching sobs have stopped.  Vakarian lifts her face until she looks into his eyes and deliberately lowers his head to touch foreheads with her.  He’s rewarded with a tentative smile from Shepard. 

After a few minutes, the two ease away from each other to continue their search of the wreckage.  They both have flashbacks of the original Normandy and its crew: Joker in the cockpit, the sleeper pods, the galaxy map, and Ashley in the mess hall.  The mako brings a smile to both their faces: Garrus because of all the time he spent fixing it, and Shepard for all the times her driving ‘skills’ sent her squad straight up or flipping end over end down a ridiculous mountain.  They even stumble upon a data pad of Navigator Pressly’s.  Shepard can’t help but smile that she helped change Pressly’s view on aliens.  

“Lily, _this_ is why you are needed.  You change all around you for the better.  You open people’s eyes, minds, and hearts.  Who else would be able to get a krogan to become friends with, to _trust_ , a turian?  No one else could do that, no one else can do what you can,” Garrus explains.  Shepard just smiles, for once no hint of sadness is present behind it.  “What would I do without you, Garrus?”  He laughs, “It’s a good thing you won’t ever need to find out.  You are stuck with me till the end, Shepard.”  The turian completely believes that in whatever fashion, he will always be with her. 

They search the rest of the crash site in companionable silence with Lily occasionally touching Garrus as if reassuring herself that he is still there.  It serves as a reminder that she is alive, that she isn’t alone, not anymore.  They collect all the dog tags of her fallen crew and place the monument.  Taking one last look, Shepard steps into the shuttle to stand next to Vakarian. 

The entire crew watches the two on Alchera, each silently giving thanks each and every time Garrus brings comfort to their commander.  They are relieved when it is finally over and Lily steps back onto the Normandy again.  She checks in with Kelly Chambers, who informs her that Admiral Hackett has sent her a message already.  “Okay, thanks.  I’m going to go to my quarters.  Please don’t disturb me unless it’s an emergency, okay?”  The Yeoman glances at Garrus, who nods subtly, before responding “Of course, Commander.”  Shepard turns and enters the elevator with Garrus following, who again meets Chambers’ eyes before the door closes.  * _Good, Shepard won’t be alone, Garrus will stay with her,*_ the redhead thinks.  She quickly spreads the word throughout the ship so all the crew knows where Shepard is and that Garrus is with her. 

“Do you want to read the message now?  Or do you want to wait?” inquires Vakarian. 

“I might as well get it over with.”

_From: Admiral Hackett_

_Commander Shepard:_

_The Alliance was grateful to receive the information you found at the Normandy’s crash site, and we’ve sent it out to the affected families.  By finding those dog tags, you provided peace of mind for a lot of people, Commander.  I thank you on their behalf._

“Good.  Their families deserve closure,” is all Lily says.  Seeing how exhausted she is Garrus leads her to the bed and helps her take off her armor.  Soon, she is in pajamas and getting into the bed.  When Garrus moves to sit on the couch, she grabs his arm.  “Don’t leave.  Please…lay with me?” she asks timidly.  After the exhausting and emotionally draining day she needs his presence, the comfort and warmth of the one person who has never doubted her beside to her. 

Garrus silently removes his own armor, stripping off his under-armor clothing, slipping on his own sleepwear, and climbs into the bed with her.  Lying on his back, Lily quickly scoots closer to Garrus until she is pressed firmly against him.  Despite her exhaustion, the turian can feel that she is still awake.  “Garrus?” she whispers into his chest.  “Mmm?” he mumbles.  “Thank you, for going with me.  I…I don’t think I could have done it without you.”  Vakarian smiles, “We’re a team now.  I couldn’t let you do it alone.”  Shepard grasps his shirt tightly in her fist.  “Garrus…I—I love you,” the human admits softly.  She can hear him inhale sharply.  He places a finger under her chin, tilting her face toward his.  Blue meets violet, “I love you too, Lily.”  Shepard beams at him before laying her head back down on his chest and falling asleep.  Soon, with a smile on his face, he joins her. 


	13. Garrus Gets Awkward But Shepard Loves Him Anyway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: here comes the smut, enjoy!

When Garrus opens his eyes the next morning, he finds Lily watching him.  Feeling nervous at the intensity of her gaze, he blurts out “Were you watching me sleep?” 

Shepard laughs, “You are so cute when you’re nervous.” 

Vakarian does his best to look disgruntled but fails miserably with Lily being so close, regardless of his embarrassment.  Her declaration of love the night before makes it impossible for him to be too cross with her right now.  “You _want_ me to be nervous?” He asks wryly. 

Smirking, she replies “Maybe…” 

“Is that a human thing I’m unaware of or is it just a Shepard thing?”  

“Wanting to make you nervous?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

Lily laughs, “It is definitely a Shepard thing…”

“You are a confusing woman.  Why would you want me to be nervous?  I thought it was pretty universal that women liked suave guys…”

“Not me.  I don’t trust suave men.  They can hide too much behind their charismatic veneer.  Charm makes me suspicious, well, even _more_ suspicious than usual.  If a man is nervous, it’s more likely he is genuine.  I find awkwardness endearing and much more reflective of how a person truly feels.  Nerves make it harder for someone to hide or be deceitful.  At least that’s what I believe.  And I told you, you are cute when you’re nervous!”

“Lily, please, _please_ , don’t tell anyone else that, especially men of _any_ species!”

“Why not?  Are you embarrassed that I think you’re cute?”

“I’m glad you think I’m cute and all but let’s keep it between us,” Garrus pleads.  He sees his begging is not having the desired effect, so he tries to explain, “Turians aren’t supposed to be cute or nervous or cute _and_ nervous!  And turian soldiers are definitely not supposed to be!  Lily, I would _never_ live it down if you told another man, like Joker or Spirits…Wrex!”

Shepard is laughing hysterically.  “Gar—” is all she can say before busting out laughing. 

“It is _not_ funny, Shepard!”

“Oh, Garrus.  You do not know how wrong you are!  All I can picture is Wrex’s reaction to me calling you nervous _and_ cute…” she explains before she starts giggling again. 

Vakarian is doing the turian version of a pout: arms are crossed in front of his chest, mandibles pressed tight against his face, his annoyance made plain. 

Shepard finally gets a hold of herself, forcing the laughter down.  She gets to her knees on the bed, scuttling toward Garrus.  Lily wraps her arms around her very displeased mate, trying to melt his annoyance with a hug.  “I promise, I won’t tell anyone… _male_ , that I think you’re cute when you’re nervous.”

He is so happy he doesn’t notice that she only promises not to tell any _men_.  The ladies of the Normandy are definitely going to have a few laughs when she tells them. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Garrus wants to make tonight special.  He has secretly been using the lotion Mordin had given him to soften his skin to minimize chafing.  Vakarian is thankful it is unscented.  He’d never live it down if Joker or _WREX_ or Grunt or _any_ turians knew he was using lotion.  Despite this, he is more than willing to risk any amount of ridicule if he can be with Shepard.   

He humbles himself enough to get help from Kelly and Miranda.  When Garrus had asked, the biotic jumped at the chance to help.  He asked for Chambers help as well, as she seems to have a lot of um… _experience_ with intimacy.  The redhead had agreed to help in her cheerful, enthusiastic way.  The turian can’t help but wonder why Kelly is so eager to help.  Shepard is respectful toward the Yeoman but has yet to accept her overtures of friendship.  She treats her with respect but her interactions with Kelly lack her usual warmth and familiarity.  Kelly is solely a colleague, which is vastly different than how Shepard sees and treats most of the rest of the crew.  He suspects trust is the issue.  Lily doesn’t trust the Illusive Man and Chambers is too close to him to be allowed into her inner circle.  Regardless of Kelly’s reasoning, he is appreciative of her help. 

The two human females happily help setting up candles, getting a special meal made, and selecting appropriate music.  Even Joker has a part in the plan, as he is keeping Shepard occupied while the women get things ready.  Garrus merely surveys the scene as the two females flutter around Lily’s quarters and chatter, feeling at a loss of what to do.  Too soon they are done and he is left alone.  Vakarian is incredibly nervous.  He’s hoping to take the next step with Shepard, one that could make or break their budding romance.  Alone, his insecurities and doubts are free to flourish.  He is overwhelmed by his nerves, wringing his hands, and fluttering his mandibles in distress. 

Minutes later, Shepard walks into her quarters before abruptly stopping.  Candles are lit and spread through the room.  The small coffee table has a table cloth covering it, with more candles, flowers, and a fancy meal.  Smiling widely, Lily says “Wow, Garrus.  This is beautiful.  Who knew you were so romantic?” 

The turian turns to see his love and everything he had planned to say is lost.  His mind blanks completely.  To try to cover up his nervousness, Vakarian blurts out “I brought wine.  Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.”  In his haste to turn on music, Garrus selects the wrong music.  Instead of a slow, romantic song, club music blares from the speakers.  His anxiety is so overwhelming that he doesn’t even seem to notice.  Vakarian walks awkwardly, stiffly toward her, so unlike his usual confident way of moving.  “If you were turian, I'd be complimenting your waist or your fringe.  So...your, uh, hair looks good.  And your waist is...very supportive."  Pause.  "Hopefully that's not offensive in human culture.”  Panicking a bit, he frantically asks “It isn’t, is it?  Crap, I knew I should have asked Miranda or Kelly for advice or _someone_ …or watched the vids or something.  Come on!  Throw me a line here, Shepard!"

She puts out her hand up to stop his panicked rambling, “Whoa!  Consider me seduced, smooth talker.  Shit Garrus…just calm down the hell down and stop worrying so much.  You don’t have to try so hard, you know.”  Shepard shuts off the horrible club music. 

Vakarian slumps, revealing “I just...I've seen so many things go wrong, Lily.  My work at C-Sec, what happened with my team and Sidonis...I want something to go right.  I want _us_ to go right.  Just once.  Just...”

Shepard stops in front of the turian.  She reaches out and strokes the scared side of his face.  It is a caress she does often.  At times he wonders if she actually likes his scars.  If he ever asked her, she would admit she does.  His scars are a reminder that he survived.  Lily misses her own scars, wishes she still had them.  They had been like memories written on her body, memories of when she had survived.  When Cerberus revived her, they gave her new, unblemished skin and all that history was erased.   

“I know how you feel, Garrus.  So many things have gone wrong since I died.”  He flinches when she mentions her death.  It has been at the forefront of his mind lately, with Admiral Hackett’s mission and his vivid dream of her death.  Vakarian can’t help but feel he failed her somehow.  That he shouldn’t have ever left the Normandy and _her_ , to go back to C-Sec.  That he should have been there with her during the attack.  But if he had, he wouldn’t be with her now.  Garrus knows himself enough to realize he could never have left her on the Normandy, even back then.  Even before they were together, he never would have left her, _couldn’t_ have.  He would have disobeyed her orders.  Garrus knows he isn’t very good at following orders, much to the dismay of his father.  No, Vakarian knows if he had been there, he would have died by her side.  And Cerberus certainly wouldn’t have spent the credits to bring _him_ back to life. 

“You are the _one_ thing that has gone right in my crazy, messed up life,” Lily vows.  Leaning in close to him, she touches her forehead to his.  This calms the turian, releasing some of his nervousness.  Garrus realizes this is it, * _This will either be a night to treasure…or a horrible interspecies awkwardness thing.  In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction.  So it’s win-win_.*

Soaking in the _rightness_ of Lily’s forehead against his, Garrus runs his hands lightly up and down her back.  Little shivers course through her body at the feeling of his blunted talons.  He had carefully filed them to ensure he wouldn’t cut her with their sharp tips.  Nothing spoils the mood like drawing blood.  Gaining confidence, his fingers flow down her back before cupping her bottom.  Enjoying its softness, Garrus leisurely kneads the muscles.  Shepard sighs, her muscles relax, and she sneaks her hands under his shirt to touch his bare skin.  Vakarian sucks in a breath when her fingertips touch him.  Little bolts of electricity run from her finger through his skin, a hum shoots through him caused by her biotics.  There are definite drawbacks of biotics in humans but sex is definitely one of the bonuses.  Lily grasps his shirt, lifting it over his head before throwing it behind her.  Shepard’s fingers caress his bare chest greedily.  Ghosting across his skin from neck to waist, Garrus’ breathing hitches as she touches the sensitive skin of his waist, each touch spreading through his body like wildfire.  Smiling at his obvious reaction, she deliberately runs her fingers lightly across his stomach.  Feeling the muscles ripple, she scraps her nails across the soft, sensitive skin.  The turian growls, grabbing her shirt and practically tears it off her in his haste.  He lifts her up and she wraps her legs around his waist.  Garrus bends down, pressing his face against her to smell Lily’s skin.  A scent so unique to this woman: of lilacs, honey, and gun oil, it is intoxicating as it drifts through his nose.  His tongue darts out suddenly to taste her, swiping and swirling along her skin.  Her familiar contrasting sweet and spicy flavor floods his mouth and he can’t get enough.  Shepard’s head drops limply back and she closes her eyes.  Her back arches as sharp teeth graze lightly over her smooth skin.  “Garrus!” she cries, her fingers closed tightly on his upper arms.  The obvious care he takes triggers a burst of happiness in her chest. 

Vakarian hesitantly strokes his fingers across her breast.  Lily jerks in response.  Fearing he hurt her somehow, he snatches his hands back.  Shepard whimpers at the loss of contact.  Taking his hands, she confidently places them back where she wants them.  Garrus continues his exploration.  Her breasts feel much like her ass to him, it has the same softness, a squishiness that turians just don’t have.  He gently squeezes them before running a talon over her clothed nipple, marveling as it hardens.  Circling the tip, the turian watches curiously as it hardens even more, as if straining toward him.  Lily unhooks her bra, throwing it across the room.  The turian eyes the newly exposed skin.  A second later, Garrus dips his head and his tongue darts out.  At first simply tasting her, he soon curls his tongue around her beaded tip.   A shiver runs through Shepard’s body and a strangled moan escapes her throat.  As he switches from one breast to the other, Lily slips her legs from his waist and slides down his body until her feet touch the floor.  She frantically grips and unbuttons his pants.  In a blink, Shepard eases his pants down.  The turian is not wearing anything underneath. 

Lily looks intently at Garrus and he can _feel_ it.  Feeling awkward at her wordless staring, Vakarian attempts to place his hands in front of himself to hide his exposed and increasingly hardening member.  Shepard grasps his hands before boldly dragging them away.  She kneels before him, allowing her eyes to study him.  His cock is shockingly midnight blue; the color making it stand out starkly against his otherwise muted gray skin.  Lily wonders if it is the blood behind the surface that is producing that color.  She remembers the blue color of his blush and notes that it is remarkably similar in color.  Ridges adorn his entire length. 

Shepard’s intense gaze only appears to heighten the turian’s arousal.  Before long, his cock is fully erect and weeping.  Lily’s eyes widen as she drinks him in.  Fingers lightly stroke his impressive length.  Garrus twitches at her touch.  Her fingers quickly encircle him, pumping firmly up and down.  A low growl purrs from his throat.  Lily licks him from base to head, inciting another deep rumble to vibrate in Garrus’ throat.  Without hesitation Shepard takes the tip into her mouth and sucks.  A very surprised Vakarian shouts “Fuck!”  He has never felt a mouth on his cock before, the sharp teeth of turians making it dangerous to say the least.  Taking more of him into her mouth, she swirls her tongue around him.  Lily bobs her mouth up and down his length before taking as much as she can while stroking the base with her hand.  Garrus instinctively grabs her head, his talons threading in her hair.  He’s breathing heavily, alternatively growling and purring at Lily’s breathtaking mouth.  He has never known a pleasure like this.  Vakarian’s hands tighten as he knows he can’t hold on much longer.  “Spirits, _Lily_!  I’m gonna come.”  Shepard quickens her movements, hollowing her cheeks before deep-throating him.  The feeling of her biotics sparking over him sends Garrus over the edge and he explodes into her mouth.  She immediately swallows, licking her lips, and swallowing every drop from Garrus.  It’s sweeter than a human’s. 

A very satisfied looking Lily gets up from her knees and smirks at Garrus.  “Spirits, I think you’ve just ruined me for turians, Shepard,” he blurts out, unable to help himself.  The human laughs, visibly pleased by the declaration. 

“I suppose it’s my turn then, to ruin you for humans,” Vakarian promises seductively.  Lifting her to her feet, he swiftly pulls off her pants before slipping her panties down her legs.  It is Garrus’ turn to study her.  Lily has a patch of curly black hair covering her.  Hands on her hips, he carefully guides her toward the bed.  Once it hits the backs of her legs, Shepard sits down.  Kneeling in front of her, his sensitive nose can smell her arousal.  The scent sets his blood afire.  Placing her legs over his shoulders, Garrus leans in close and Lily can feel his hot breath on her. 

Tentatively, his fingers stroke her before parting her lips, a single finger thrusting into her dripping heat.  She gasps and moans, finally feeling him inside of her.  Vakarian’s talon grazes her nub and her back arches violently.  “Oh God!  Don’t stop, Garrus,” Shepard pleads.  The turian watches her reaction as he thrusts his finger in and out of her, learning how she likes to be touched.  Her moans provoke him to add another finger.  As his fingers fuck her, Garrus tastes her with his tongue.  The silky length soon thrusts into her heat, along with his fingers.  Shepard is trembling, her loud moans and harsh breathing echo through the room.  She is so wet.  Shepard grabs his head, forcing his tongue out of her.  Her purple eyes alit with passionate fire.  She cries desperately “Garrus, I need you.  Now!” 

Lily scrambles backwards to lie down fully on the bed.  Her sleek, intense turian follows.  His strong arms brace his heavy body above hers.  Garrus guides his hard cock to her entrance.  His eyes like a blue flame bear into her as he slowly eases his entire length in until he’s completely engulfed in her heat.  Pausing briefly, his eyes ask if she is alright.  In response, Shepard wraps her legs around his hips, urging him to move.  Vakarian eases out until only the tip remains inside before thrusting deep.  Lily grabs his fringe, massaging it gently.  Those little sparks from her biotics make the touch even more pleasurable and Garrus lets out a deep purr in response.  Gripping her hips, he increases his speed.  The couple can feel the heat build rapidly until suddenly, Lily screams Garrus’ name, her muscles milking him as Vakarian roars his own release a second later.  Garrus resists collapsing on top on her, knowing his heavy body would crush her deep into the mattress.  Instead, he shifts off her, lying on his side.  Garrus draws her to him, her body snug against his chest.  The exhausted couple soon falls asleep, spooned together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my het smut isn't anything spectacular, my slash smut is much better for some reason... 
> 
> This will be the last chapter for tonight at least, maybe for a while. The next chapter is supposed to be introducing Tali and is unfortunately completely blank. I will try to write it this week but I'm not sure my muse will cooperate. Once I get that written though, I should have a couple more chapters all written that only need a quick read through before being posted. After those, I have another few gaps, one should be fairly easy to fill, while the other is Garrus and Shep talking after the Arrival mission. I might have to play it again before I can write it. I also have to write the Suicide Mission. After that, I should have a good chunk of chapters that can be posted.


	14. Tali Rejoins the Normandy

Shepard isn’t especially excited to go to Haestrom but then going to a geth stronghold is never something a sane being would be looking forward to.  Fighting geth seems to be a never-ending battle for her and she doesn’t anticipate that will change any time soon.  Lily decides to take Garrus and Zaeed with her.  The more geth that can be sniped out, the better.  Dealing with the harsh sun sapping their shields and the seemingly endless number of geth serves only to make Shepard’s mood plummet.  She wants nothing more than to get off this hell hole of a planet but first she needs to find Tali.  All this will be worth it if Lily can recruit her old friend. 

The mission goes pretty much as she expects, Garrus and Zaeed are both very much in their element.  Their sniper rifles are never silent for long, although Shep has to admit if only to herself that watching Garrus in his element is definitely a turn on.  Becoming intimate has made her take more notice of Garrus’ body and the way he moves.  Her turian is lethal, utterly confident with his beloved sniper rifle in his hands.  More than once, Lily catches her eyes straying to watch Garrus.  How could she _not_ have noticed how sexy he is in battle mode?

_*Focus!*_ she scolds herself for the third time as she tears her eyes away from Garrus. 

Shepard finally encounters her first live quarian on Haestrom.  The geth had ripped through the squad that had been sent here with deadly force.  Kal’Reegar is a stubborn sort, determined to risk his life despite his injury.  But Lily’s golden tongue soon has him standing down.  At least one quarian besides Tali will survive Haestrom; neither Shepard nor Garrus can even consider the option of Tali not making it. 

Slowly and carefully, the squad advances.  The smaller geth are being picked off one by one until they are close enough to the Colossus to engage it in combat.  With her arc projector in hand, Shepard and her team work quickly and efficiently to eliminate the Colossus and the remaining geth. 

Shepard breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of Tali.  She can’t imagine discovering her friend’s dead body; just the thought makes a shiver run through her body.  Lily has lost enough in her relatively short life and she’ll do everything within her power to prevent losing someone else. 

Garrus notices immediately her grim mood and brushes his gloved talons lightly across her back to remind her that he is there for her. 

Tali’s face mask hides the expressions that flash briefly on her face.  She notices the touch but is more intrigued by the way that Shepard reacts to his touch.  The brief caress seems to calm and comfort Shepard instantaneously.  Something has happened between her two friends.  Tali doesn’t doubt that she’ll soon find out what happened.  If Shepard and Garrus aren’t planning on sharing, she can count on Joker to share the gossip. 

Aboard the Normandy, Tali isn’t shy about voicing her concerns.  Cerberus and quarians don’t exactly mix.  Yet, faced with Shepard and her ever present integrity, Tali caves.  She trusts Shepard enough to be willing to work with Cerberus.  “I am going to set up in Engineering, if that is okay with you, Shepard?”

Lily nods.  Tali is loyal to her core, something that Shepard greatly appreciates after what happened with Kaidan on Horizon. 

Tali begins to walk out when Jacob tries to be friendly and adds, “You should introduce yourself to the Normandy’s AI, EDI.”  Tali’s body language alone makes it clear how unhappy she is to hear the new Normandy has an AI on board.  The history of her people has made the dangers of artificial intelligence more than plain.  The geth took the quarian homeworld and they’ve been at war ever since.  Tali cannot afford to trust an AI, not even for Shepard.    

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Engineering looks somewhat the same but there are obvious differences.  The two Cerberus agents that she’ll be sharing the space greet her surprisingly warmly.  She marvels at how Gabby and Ken are friendly and open, seemingly having no issues with her being a quarian.  Gabriella or Gabby as she asks to be called is a very likeable human.  Tali can see right away that Gabby is kind and smart, which only makes her wonder why she chose to work for Cerberus.  Gabby doesn’t exhibit any possessiveness over the Normandy’s engineering but in fact expresses excitement at working with Tali.  “Commander Shepard speaks very highly of you, Miss vas Neema.  I imagine I could learn a lot from you.”  Smiling behind her mask, Tali says, “Please Gabby, call me Tali.  I look forward to working with you.” 

Tali isn’t sure yet about Ken.  He too is welcoming, although she can understand how he could run into problems in the military.  Ken’s demeanor isn’t exactly the most professional.  Although Tali has a feeling that Shepard and him get along just fine.  Shepard is the type of leader that values comradery; she doesn’t care for the separation often expected between boss and subordinate.  It doesn’t look like that’s changed since the moment she stepped back onto the Normandy, Shepard started making rounds and talking to her crew. 

Tali swears Ken is shooting her appreciative glances; he doesn’t seem to be trying to hide it either.  Quarians cross-species relationships are fairly rare and most are of the quarian-turian variety like her favorite vid _Fleet and Flotilla_.  Ken has no appeal to her however, he can look all he wants but that is as far as it will ever get between them. 

Gabby is happy to give Tali a brief rundown of the new Normandy squad and crew.  Ken butts in occasionally but for the most part remains silent.  The only crew she recognizes are Joker and Dr. Chakwas.  While Tali had for the most part cared for herself medically on the first Normandy, Karin had been surprisingly interested in learning about quarians and their health issues.  She’s glad to see Chakwas as she trusts the doctor’s integrity.  Tali is both surprised and unsurprised to find out about Joker.  The pilot had taken the loss of the Normandy and Shepard’s death hard.  And the fact that the Alliance grounded Joker after the funeral had likely only made things worse, the quarian shudders at the thought.  Joker is a pilot; it isn’t just what he does but _who_ he is.  Taking that away from him had to have been more than devastating.  Tali vows to go up to the cockpit later and talk to Joker. 

Shepard’s new squad seems like an odd bunch: another krogan, a possibly insane human biotic, an ex-Alliance soldier, a human clone, a mad scientist salarian, a thief, a drell assassin, an asari justicar, and a mercenary.  And Garrus of course.  Tali is happy to see at least one familiar face has re-joined Shepard.  Her and Garrus are the only squad members from the first Normandy that are willing and able to rejoin.  She knows that Wrex is far too busy trying to unite the krogan to join Shepard’s mission and last she heard Liara had a mission of her own to deal with.  Kaidan is one person from the Normandy’s first squad that Tali has not kept up with.  She wonders why he isn’t with Shepard, especially considering their prior relationship. 

Suddenly her omni-tool beeps; checking it Tali sees Shepard’s name flashing and opens the call. 

“Tali,” Shepard says with a smile.  “Would you like to come up to my quarters and catch up?  Garrus is here too.”

“Sure, I’ll be up in a few.”

“Great.”

Tali turns to the two engineers, “It is great to meet both of you but…”

Gabby laughs, “But Shepard is calling.  Go, have fun catching up.  The Commander hasn’t had the easiest of times since she woke up.  It will be good for her to have another trusted friend in her corner.”

Tali bobs her head and waves goodbye. 

Ken ogles the quarian as she leaves, noting how her suit is snug in all the right places.  Gabby rolls her eyes and smacks her best friend. 

Tali hears a smack and looks back to see Ken rubbing his bare arm.  Not knowing what that is about or even much caring, Tali shrugs it off and goes to Shepard’s quarters.  The door opens immediately upon her arrival and the quarian walks in hesitantly.  “Come on in, Tali,” Shepard says.  Her and Garrus are sitting on the sofa. 

Tali sits down, her eyes locked on her two friends.  “So…this is new.”  Shepard is snug against Garrus’ side, leaving no doubt of their new intimate closeness. 

Shepard laughs.  “Yeah, it is.”

Tali marvels at the open happiness on Shepard’s face.  She’s never seen her relaxed in such a manner before.  Garrus too looks different.  Gone is the fierce rigidity and carefully contained unhappiness.  The turian is obviously quite content and relaxed.  They love each other and unlike Shepard’s relationship with Kaidan, neither is trying to hide it.  “I am really happy for you both.”  Both Garrus and Shepard deserve to be happy and if they find that together, who is she to complain?  She hopes to find a love as wonderful as Garrus and Shepard share some day. 

“Thank you, Tali.  It means a lot to us,” Garrus vows. 

Wondering how this came about, “So how did it happen if you don’t mind my asking?”

Garrus and Shepard look at each other; they seem to be having a silent conversation with just their eyes.  Shepard says, “It’s a complicated story.  We met up with Kaidan on a mission and it went…badly.”

“What Lily is avoiding saying is that Alenko when he realized that she was alive and working with Cerberus and he called her a traitor, going so far as to say she faked her own death and let everyone that knew her believe she had died when the Normandy was attacked,” Garrus adds.

Shepard’s face hardens with anger.  “He refused to even give me a chance to explain.  I did not take it well.  Garrus was there for me, when I needed him most.”

Tali watches as Shepard and Garrus clasp hands, comforting each other. 

“Cue in a prank gone wrong which revealed our genuine feelings and suddenly we’re a couple,” Shepard admits laughing. 

Garrus admits, “An odd couple at that but a couple all the same.”

“Wait, _what?_ ”  Tali scans both their faces in disbelief.  “A prank got you two together?  You’re joking; you have to be joking.”  The look on their faces makes it clear they aren’t.  “You are not joking, are you?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Garrus admits.

“Well, you can’t leave it at that.  Tell me the whole story.” 

Tali sits back and enjoys the crazy story of how her two friends got together. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

After she leaves Shepard and Garrus’ quarters, Tali goes to the cockpit to speak to Joker.  The Normandy’s AI greets her and with reluctant Tali acknowledges EDI. 

“Tali, welcome back to Normandy, new and improved.”

The quarian smiles behind her mask, “Good to see you, too.  I can’t imagine another pilot behind the helm of the Normandy.”

“Shepard said the same thing.  I think she was quite surprised to see me after they brought her back.”

Tali says, “She was really dead, wasn’t she?”

Joker shudders visibly, “Yeah, she was.  I—I saw her and it isn’t an image that I will ever forget.  I don’t know how they did it but…Shepard is alive and the same Shepard she always was.”

“Yes, except now she is with Garrus.”

Joker laughs, “Yeah, who would have guessed that?  An odd pair they are.  I’m not sure how it works exactly.  I mean do turians even have…”  His hands make vague gestures.

Tali laughs at his confused face as he clearly tries to figure out how a turian and a human have sex.  “I’m sure they figured it out.”

“Oh, they definitely did.”  Joker plays with his hat, asking curiously “What do you know about turian anatomy?”

“Are you sure you want to know?”

Joker makes a disgusted face, “On second thought, you’re right, I don’t want to know.”

Tali giggles at bit.  The brief silence that follows is companionable.  “They seem really happy.”

“They are.  After what Kaidan did on Horizon, Shepard deserves to be.”

“Yes, they said that Kaidan called her a traitor.  That must have been difficult.”  Tali is surprised by Kaidan’s behavior.  During their time together, he had always seemed like a kind and caring person.  He was open and welcoming to the aliens on the Normandy.  Ashley had always been the more judgmental of the two Alliance soldiers; her xenophobia had been glaringly obvious.  Although it was something Tali had gotten used to once she started her pilgrimage. 

“She was stunned.  Kaidan blitz attacked her.  Shepard didn’t see it coming,” Joker declares.

“At least she had Garrus.”

Joker confesses, “I don’t know if she would have gotten through it without Garrus.  She was pretty broken up after Horizon.  I’m sure it was a lot to take in even for her, having to deal with her death, her resurrection, Cerberus being the ones that did it, working _with_ Cerberus, new ship, new crew, new squad, snubs from her old friends, and all in a very short time.” 

Tali remains silent as Joker seems to lose himself in his thoughts.  A few minutes pass before she asks, “How about you, Joker?  How have you been?  You look better than when I last saw you at Shepard’s funeral.”

Joker laughs cynically.  “Wouldn’t take much, I was not at my best at that point.”  Something about Tali’s energy makes him want to open up in a way he hasn’t with anyone else.  “Her death is my fault.  If I hadn’t been a stubborn jackass and tried hopelessly to save the Normandy, Shepard wouldn’t have died at all.”

As much as Tali wants to tell him that it isn’t his fault, there isn’t much she can say to change his mind.  The truth is that he is at least partially responsible, Shepard went back to save him.  If she hadn’t done that, she might have survived but that is something they’ll never know.  The Reapers are ultimately responsible but there is nothing anyone can say that will erase his guilt completely.  “You can’t change the past, Joker, no matter how much you wish you could.  Quarians know that more than most.”  They made the geth and still suffer the consequences of creating them today.  “Shepard’s alive now.  And it sounds like you were there when she woke up.  A friendly face, someone she could trust must have meant a lot to her.  Garrus isn’t the only one that has been there for her through this all.  You and Dr. Chakwas have been too.  She can rely on you through thick and thin and that counts for a lot.  Don’t forget that.”

The kind words can’t erase his guilt but they do make him feel a bit better.  “Thanks, Tali.” 


	15. Hackett Asks For Another Favor

Kelly informs Shepard that Admiral Steven Hackett is on vid-com.  It’s only been a week since the last time she heard from him.  Wondering what he could possibly want from her so soon after visiting the Normandy crash site, Lily enters the comm room and opens the call.  “Commander Shepard,” he greets her.  At her nod, he continues “Commander, the Alliance is hoping you are willing to investigate a sensitive matter for us.” 

Shepard raises her eyebrows in surprise.  A bit of disbelief is evident in her voice as she responds “I wasn’t aware the Alliance trusted me with _sensitive_ matters anymore, Admiral.”  She thought it was pretty obvious after Horizon that they didn’t.  _Kaidan_ sure in hell didn’t, and even Anderson didn’t seem to truly trust her.  If the two Alliance soldiers who knew her best didn’t, why would any of the Alliance? 

Hackett is a bit startled by that comment but masks his reaction.  “Commander, I don’t know where you got that impression but the Alliance still believes in your integrity and dedication.  You may not be with the Alliance currently and have ties to Cerberus but I still believe in your loyalty to us.”

Pure, utter shock is written with crystal clarity all over her face.  She is obviously taken aback at that statement of unwavering trust, especially coming from someone so high up in the Alliance.  _*Why don’t you tell that to Anderson or Alenko?  Neither of them seemed too sure about my integrity and they sure don’t seem to trust me.*_  

The Admiral is honestly stunned by the intensity of her astonishment.  He knows that some of the Alliance have their doubts about her now that she is with Cerberus but she shouldn’t know that.  As far as he knows she has only had contact with Anderson and Alenko since her death.  Steven doesn’t know what happened to make her absolutely _certain_ that the Alliance believes her to be unworthy of trust.  _*What the hell happened to make her so confident that the Alliance has no trust in her?  To make her believe that the Alliance doubts her integrity and has no faith in her?  Shepard has integrity built into her very bones.*_   Hackett is unable to hold back his own surprise, “Shepard, I don’t know what happened to make you feel that way.  But I want you to know that despite you working with Cerberus and the rumors that they might be behind the abductions, I still have absolute trust that you have humanity’s and the Alliance’s best interests in mind.”  Steven watches carefully as she absorbs his words. 

He and Shepard have never been close, not like she is with Anderson.  But they have a mutual respect.  Hackett is well aware of how remarkable she is.  In fact, he has never seen another soldier like her and doubts he ever will.  And Steven finds he cannot allow her to continue to believe that the Alliance, that _he,_ doesn’t trust her.  He imagines she has enough to worry about considering she has recently been resurrected, is working with a very questionable pro-human organization and is fighting to save colonists from the Collectors, without her believing she has been deemed untrustworthy to her own government and former colleagues. 

Hackett remembers the message he received from Major Caleb Antella of the Internal Naval Affairs after Shepard was spotted on Omega and her ties to Cerberus became apparent.  More than once, Antella had requested he be able to interrogate Shepard about the two years she was presumed dead and her desertion of the Alliance.  Of course, Hackett had immediately denied his requests. 

Liara T’Soni had informed him immediately after she had handed over Shepard’s body to Cerberus in hopes that they could resurrect her.  He and the asari had formed a beneficial but clandestine, professional relationship after Shepard’s death.  Without delay the Admiral had contacted his mole in Cerberus, one that no one, not even within the Alliance, knew of.  The mole, a tech genius and a man like a son to him, kept him well informed about Shepard and Project Lazarus.  Steven had known everything about what happened during those two lost years.  Cerberus spent the whole time bringing her back.  He even knew that the Illusive Man had thankfully denied Miranda Lawson’s request to implant a mind control chip in Shepard.  Hackett had been worried that Cerberus would try to ensure her loyalty through mind control and had a plan in place should that happen.  Steven was glad that the plan hadn’t been necessary. 

He had known when she had awakened.  His mole informed him that while she consented to work with Cerberus, she made her distrust of the organization and the Illusive Man especially, known.  Hackett’s inside information made it easy for him to trust Shepard, unlike the rest of the Alliance.  Because he _knew_ what had happened during those two lost years.  Secretly, he wished that he could share his intel with some of the others such as Anderson and Alenko but he could not risk his mole, at least not while Shepard is still working with Cerberus. 

_*How the hell is it that Hackett trusts me but Anderson and Kaidan don’t?  It doesn’t make any fucking sense!*_   Shepard shakes herself from her musings.  “Thank you, Admiral.  That means…a great deal to me.  Now, what can I do for you?” 

Hackett feels relieved at the topic change.  He had definitely not been expecting the bit of bitterness and the total shock in her voice at a simple vow of trust and he finds it made him somewhat uncomfortable.  It feels almost invasive to see the emotions she normally guards so well.  In the past, interactions between Shepard and himself have always been entirely professional, without a trace of emotion.  They both are experts at masking their emotions, her failure to do so shows how truly shaken she was.  Steven is unsure how to deal with this new side of Shepard and is much more comfortable talking about missions than personal matters with her.  Because while he knows her as a soldier, he doesn’t know her as a person, very few people outside her crew do. 

“There is an Alliance distress signal coming from Kobayashi in the Yakawa System.  Kobayashi is a planet known for its lawlessness and slave trade.  A group of marines were sent there a month ago to try to break a slavery ring.  The marines have been out of contact for two weeks and they activated their distress beacon two days ago.  We need you to find out what happened to the marines.  What makes the rescue of these soldiers so important is that one of them is the only child of a very high ranking Alliance official and a close, personal friend.  Her mother begged me to rescue her daughter.  I do not know what you will encounter when you find them but if negotiation is needed, I know of no one else with a better chance to get them out alive than you.”

Shepard takes a minute to absorb the information before nodding firmly “I will plot a course for Kobayashi immediately.”

“Thank you, Commander.”  It is the first time she has seen a flicker of the human behind Hackett’s professional face.  The worry he feels for the marines and his friend’s daughter is apparent on his face.

“As soon as I know something I’ll let contact you.” 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

 Shepard along with Garrus and Jack soon land on Kobayashi.  It isn’t hard to find the distress beacon where it had been hastily turned on and tossed near the camp the marines had set up.  The missing squad must have been ambushed.  Their tents and supplies lay abandoned, only their weapons and the soldiers themselves appear to be missing.  The three split up to search the camp for additional clues.  Shepard finds an audio-log lying near a pile of the marines’ dog tags.  The tags have obviously been left as evidence that the marines had been taken by force.  Alliance soldiers never willingly part with their dog tags.  From the broken chains, it is clear that the dog tags had been literally ripped off their necks.  Lily quickly plays the audio-log message. 

A hard, male voice is heard making demands.  “We have your Alliance soldiers.  The only way you will get them back unharmed, or _mostly_ unharmed  <harsh laughter> is to trade them for Shepard.  Once we have her in custody, we will release the bait.  Send Shepard and her squad to these coordinates.  No one else.  We see anyone else and the hostages die.” 

Garrus and Jack hear the unfamiliar harsh voice and come over to hear the log.  Shepard plays it again, wondering who this is and _why_ he is asking for her specifically.  This was supposed to be a simple hostage situation.  Now, she finds out they, whoever they are, took the soldiers just for leverage to get _her_.  * _As if Kuril’s feeble attempt to capture me wasn’t enough?  Mere prison guards against me and my squad, laughable!  Now, whoever these jokers are!  Why is someone always after me?  Will there ever be a time when people aren’t trying to kill or capture me?*_  

“Well, that’s a fucking trap,” Jack blurts out, saying what they all are thinking. 

“They are asking for you, specifically.  What the hell is going on?” Garrus asks sounding worried.  _*Why is it always Shepard?  Why are they always after Shepard?*_

“I don’t know.  Hackett said nothing about this.”  Shepard had fully expected for most of the marines to be dead already.  She hadn’t expected they would be taken hostage for leverage to get her.  Lily quickly calls the Normandy on her omni-tool and demands to be connected to Admiral Hackett immediately.  In less time than she expects, she’s connected.

“Commander, Miss Chambers said it was important.”

“Yes, some new information came up and I believe you need to hear this.”  Shepard plays the audio-log.  She sees a flicker of surprise on Hackett’s face before he can hide it. 

“Shepard, I know nothing about this.  I had no idea they were captured to get to you.”  He wonders if his friend’s daughter was targeted specifically because of him, because of his connection with Shepard or if it is just a coincidence.  Hackett can see the same thought is running through the Commander’s mind. 

“I thought as much.”

“Commander, do you want Alliance backup?  Whoever this is has clearly set up a trap, whether to capture or kill you.”

“Thank you for the consideration, Admiral but my squad is the only backup I will need.  I’ll inform them of the situation and they’ll be ready to enact a rescue if necessary.  If they need help, my Yeoman will call.  Even if they wish to kill me, I doubt whoever is behind this trap will be able to resist gloating before trying to kill me, which will give my teams time to attack.  If they need more assistance, my Yeoman will be in touch.”

“Of course, Commander.  Godspeed and be careful.”

Shepard quickly comes up with a plan.  “Garrus and Mordin, you are with me.  The rest of the squad will be divided into three units in the event of my capture.  Miranda, you will lead one, with Grunt and Samara.  Jacob you will lead the second, with Jack, Tali, and Zaeed.  Thane, you and Kasumi are going together.  You will be my eyes and trail behind my squad.  If we are captured, we are relying on you to follow us and keep the other two units up to date on our location.  I am betting if they intend to capture us, they will want to move us.  It’s what I would do.”  At the nods of her crew, she takes Mordin and Garrus with her and departs.  Her other teammates are all suited up and on planet, ready in case they need to rescue her. 

Garrus is silent as she makes plans, worried about her walking into a clear trap but grateful to be going with her.  There is no way he’d let her leave him behind for this.  Vakarian feels better knowing they have backup in place if this mission goes sideways.  Unsurprisingly, Shepard has made the Cerberus crew into _hers_ , first and foremost.  They all are loyal to her and all of them would fight to the death to get her back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am hoping to get a couple more chapters posted tomorrow but I might not have time.


	16. Garrus Goes Primal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This storyline where Garrus goes primal is inspired by Caffeineislifeblood's (Dizzydodo) story "Primal." Link here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/658772/chapters/1201093  
> It is also on FF.net under the same title but under the penname Dizzydodo. Link is here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8953582/1/Primal
> 
> This chapter has a person intent on rape but there is no actual rape. If that is a trigger, please be mindful while reading this chapter.

Lily, Garrus, and Mordin cautiously approach the coordinates.  They soon find the entrance to an underground facility.  The first couple rooms are deserted and contain only boxes.  The next room is very open and basically empty.  Once they reach the center, several doors open and a large group of men surround them.  Shepard can see that the doors locked as soon as the men entered.  There is no escape without hacking the doors.  In front of them and being dragged forward are the missing marines; the soldiers are bloody, gagged, and tied up.  Each marine has a knife pressed to his or her throat.  Finally, a rough looking human male in ridiculously elaborate blood red armor comes to the front.  “Ah, the notorious Commander Shepard, we finally meet,” he says with an arrogant smirk on his face.  The criminal has the ruddy complexion of someone who has lived a hard life.  His face is marked by a long and ragged scar running from above his left eye across his large nose hitting the corner of his thin lips, ending at his jaw line.  The man has tremendously eerily light eyes that look almost colorless, completing his cruel, ugly face. 

Shepard only eyes the room wordlessly, aware of Garrus and Mordin doing the same behind her.  It is a bit strange to have the talkative salarian so quiet but she is thankful for his silence.  Lily knows the leader expects some sort of reaction out of her and keeps her expression carefully blank, not acknowledging his greeting. 

“Perhaps you will pay more attention if I kill one of the marines in front of you, huh _Commander_?”  A snap of his fingers and two men drag a young marine forward.  The soldier has a baby face making him look far too young to be a marine.  Despite his youthful and innocent appearance, Shepard can see the hard soldier bearing underneath.  He is older and more experienced than his baby face indicates.  No fear is present in his eyes, only fury despite the blood and bruises on his face and the knife pressed against his throat. 

“You wanted me, now you have me.  Let the marines go,” she declares dispassionately.  The Commander can see the man is ruthless and could kill the marine without remorse.  Her first objective is to save the group of soldiers.  She isn’t too worried about getting herself free.  These men might be ruthless but she doubts they have faced the kind of powerful enemies she has.  She and Garrus have killed a Reaper, there isn’t much out there that can compare to that.  Even without her guns or biotics Shepard is a formidable foe and she knows it.  It doesn’t hurt that she’s got Garrus at her back either considering he has taught her much of what she knows of hand-to-hand combat.   

“First, you and _your squad_ will surrender their weapons.  And you, _Commander Shepard_ , will remove your biotic implant,” the man sneers. 

She watches as the knife is pressed into the young marine’s neck, drawing blood.  Shepard can see the message in the young man’s eyes: _do not surrender_!  She ignores the message.  Well aware she will do nothing until the marines are safe, especially with the large number of enemies surrounding them.  To do otherwise would be too risky for the battered marines.  The Commander calmly removes her implant and surrenders it and her weapons, indicating Garrus and Mordin to do the same.  They reluctantly do so.  Lily wonders if the leader is aware that even without her implant, her biotics are unusually strong for a human.  She is far from helpless.

“Hands behind your back, Shepard.”  Garrus and Mordin are quickly cuffed, hands in front.  Four men: a krogan, two batarians, and a human, warily surround her, obviously viewing her as the greatest threat.  * _Why is it always fucking batarians?!*_ Shepard’s arms are yanked behind her back, her face remains completely impassive despite the jolt of pain.  She makes no attempt to fight them, placidly allowing them to cuff her hands behind her back.  Once the three are secured, the leader signals his men and they drag the marines off.  At Shepard’s pointed look, he explains “We will keep our word.  They’ll be locked in a room, waiting for the Alliance or whoever else attempts to come and rescue you.”  The man is arrogant, firmly believing he has thought of everything.  Shepard isn’t surprised by the arrogance.  People are always so very confident when they believe they have her trapped.  Of course, it never ends well for them but that doesn’t seem to stop people from trying.  If death can’t stop her, why would mere thugs have a chance? 

Shepard, Vakarian, and Solus are turned and shoved back out the door they came through.  Once outside, the prisoners are forced into a ground vehicle and driven away.  Shepard is sitting next to Garrus and nudges his side with her elbow.  No acknowledgment is made by him, he simply eyes their guards who are quietly bragging to each other and foolishly paying no mind to their prisoners.  Garrus reaches his hands to her wrists, quickly activating the tracking device on her omni-tool.  His fingers briefly grasp hers before settling back into his seat.  The fools thought nothing about removing their omni-tools.  Now her team will know exactly where they are taken, even if Thane or Kasumi manages to lose them. 

Vakarian wonders if the drell and the thief are even following them anymore.  He would be surprised if Thane and Kasumi hadn’t found a way, as both the assassin and the thief seem quite able to remain undetected.  

The turian is not wrong: Krios and Kasumi are indeed following them.  Once Thane sees them being forced out in cuffs and weaponless, he quietly knocks out a careless stray soldier and steals his armor.  Thane walks confidently into one of the vehicles, no one even glances at him once.  Krios blends perfectly in the group.  Kasumi simply cloaks and remains undetected. 

Half an hour later, the vehicles finally stop.  Once again, they are hauled forward.  This underground base is hidden much more effectively.  The door is hidden behind a realistic looking false rock.  As the three are dragged inside, Thane breaks off from the group to inform the others about what is happening.  Then, he finds a place to watch as they waits for the others to arrive.  Kasumi enters in the building in search of Shepard and the squad, easily remaining cloaked and hidden from the unknown mercenaries. 

Arms spread wide, arrogant to a fault, the leader exclaims with a flourish as he bows, “Now that we are alone, Shepard, I can finally properly introduce myself.  I am Lucien Red.”  The name explains the matching bright red armor of him and his gang.  “I was promised a great deal of money if I successfully captured you.  So, while we wait for your pickup…you and I are going to have some fun.”  A frightening smile blooms on his face, his fingers flick at her breasts before he grasps her hips firmly.  Shepard does not react, even when his disgusting hands try to rub her body through her armor. 

“Your new owner graciously permitted me to take you as an additional… _reward_ , the first of many humiliations he has planned for you,” he explains.  Red is practically salivating at the thought of raping such an infamous hero.  To have bested someone so powerful is a reward in itself.  He _wants_ her fear, if only to enhance his pleasure as he forcibly takes the great Commander Shepard.  As his fingers trail down her arm with obvious sexual intent, Lucien is surprised by the sound of a menacing growl.  He almost expects it to have come from Shepard. 

But it isn’t coming from her, so the leader examines her squad.  The salarian is as expressionless as Shepard but the turian definitely _isn’t_.  Rage is coming off him in waves, and threatening growls continually rumble from him.  An instinctive shiver of fear runs inside Lucien at the sound before he shakes it off.  “Did I hit a nerve, turian?  Are you fucking the Commander?”  A krogan approaches Garrus, inhaling his scent before breathing deep near Shepard.  He declares, “The turian’s scent is all over her, Red.”

Garrus cannot stop himself from reacting, his body shaking with more rage than he has ever felt before in his life.  “Ooo, you are!  Since you are so _close_ to the Commander, I’ll let you watch while I rape her _over and over_ ,” Red scoffs viciously.  The two fully-grown krogan struggle to hold the enraged turian back.  Even with a third, the krogan still have to fight to contain Garrus.  Shepard is his and she is being threatened.  Nothing and no one can stop him from protecting her. 

Lucien locks eyes with Vakarian.  He can see how very furious the turian is at the thought of Shepard being assaulted.  It is almost animalistic in its intensity.  He first releases the plates of Shepard’s torso armor to expose the skintight under-armor suit that covers her body.  Flicking out a knife, he slits the suit down the side, wanting to feel her humiliation and the turian’s fury.  Shepard has no reaction, not a glimmer of embarrassment, shame, or fear.  She is still completely impassive.  Wanting, _craving_ , a reaction Red rips the suit off to the side, palming her bra covered breast while his other hand harshly grips her chin.  He leans in, fully intending to force a brutal kiss. 

But Shepard reacts in a flash, headbutting Red and breaking his nose.  She hears an animalistic roar from Garrus and by the time she has knocked out the four guards in front of her, Garrus has taken out the rest.  Lily’s eyes come to rest on the furious turian, broken handcuffs hanging from one wrist.  She has no idea how he broke them; they were ones designed to stand up to even a Krogan’s strength.  With no other conscious enemies, he stalks toward Lucien, who is on the ground holding his broken and bleeding nose.  The angry turian grabs the man by the neck, holding him up; Red’s legs dangle uselessly above the floor.  Lucien tries to grab for his gun but Vakarian rips it from his hands, snapping it in half with one hand.  Garrus can see the fear in his eyes and he brings the man close to his face.  His fringe is standing on end and his neck is a surprising intense blue.  Vakarian growls, a spine tingling roar that says without words ‘n _o one_ touches my mate!’  Feeling the powerful hand around his throat begin to squeeze, Lucien knows his death is imminent.  His last thought is that he had underestimated the turian, that his arrogance was his fatal flaw.  He had underestimated just how protective the turian is of Shepard. 

By the time Shepard reaches Garrus, Red is already dead.  He tosses the lifeless body aside before crushing her to him.  Lily is in shock, she doesn’t know what just happened.  * _How did he kill so many so quickly_?*  Hearing Mordin approach, she expects him to let her go.  But Garrus snarls at the salarian, wordlessly warning him to back off _immediately_.  Shepard peers around her turian to watch as Mordin abruptly stops and tilts his head in thought.  He quickly comes to some kind of conclusion and slowly eases back without a word. 

That is when her teams break in.  Miranda’s team is on the right, Jacob’s on the left, and Thane and Kasumi in back.  They see they came too late to actually do any rescuing but move toward Shepard.  Garrus bellows threateningly at them.  Mordin shouts “Stop!  Do not go near Shepard!”  The nine people halt, staring at Garrus and Shepard.  The turian has shoved his _yazani_ behind him and appears to be protectively guarding her from them.  He shows no sign of recognition, as if he is seeing them for the first time, as if they are strangers, _threats_. 

Solus continues uncharacteristically slowly and softly, “Do not make any sudden movements.  Back away slowly.  Garrus’ primal instincts have taken over, mate threatened.  Until he is able to calm those instincts he will attack _anyone_ who comes near his mate, _including us_.”  Grunt scoffs, taking a step forward.  Vakarian growls again, his body completely tense and radiating menace.  It is the first time any of them have seen him bare his sharp, pointed teeth, much like a dog does in warning.  The blue on his neck turns brighter and brighter the longer he faces off with the krogan.  They can see a confused Shepard peeking out from behind him, trying to tell him they’re _friends_.  But Garrus shows no signs of hearing her, continuing to keep her behind him while threatening the others in the room.  There isn’t much Shepard can do to stop him with her hands still cuffed behind her back. 

Realizing Mordin is right, Grunt steps back again.  The krogan is not afraid of losing a fight with the turian.  He retreats because of Shepard, she would be furious if he hurt Garrus.  She would blame _him_.  Even Kasumi’s attempt to get closer undetected fails, somehow Vakarian knows she is there and growls in her direction.  The group all finally obey Solus’ advice, silently and slowly easing away from the couple.  They exit the room together, leaving the pair alone. 

“Keelah, I have _never_ seen Garrus like that before.  What made him act that way?” asks Tali. 

Jack is much more blunt “What the fuck _happened_?” 

The salarian blinks before explaining, “The leader, Lucien Red, threatened to rape Shepard.  Deliberately taunted Garrus.  Cut her suit, touched her, tried to kiss her.  Shepard headbutted him.  Garrus’ primal instincts went into overdrive.  Broke his cuffs.  Knocked out or killed all the guards almost before I could react.  He strangled Red, tossed body aside.  Tried to approach Shepard to check for injuries.  Garrus reacted.  Realized turian mating instinct.  Backed off.  Then, you all arrived.” 

The group dizzily follows Solus’ rapid speech, getting the gist of what happened.  His mate, Shepard, was threatened and Garrus flipped. 

“How long is he going to be like that?” Miranda asks. 

“Unknown.  Turian bonds rely heavily on scent.  Normally, female turians would release scents to calm their male mates.  Shepard not turian.  Unknown whether she will be able to calm him.  Must get back to Normandy, synthesize treatment in case Garrus remains in primal state.”  With that, Mordin walks off.

The rest stand around, looking at each other confused.  Kasumi cloaks and peeks in the room, finding that Garrus and Shepard are no longer there.  “They’re gone.”  The group re-enters the room, finding it empty except for the bodies, dead or unconscious, on the floor.  Grunt and Zaeed collect Shepard’s, Garrus’, and Mordin’s weapons.  Jacob finds Shepard’s biotic amp and her pack.  Thane speaks up “He must have taken her somewhere else, perhaps another room with only one door, no windows, defensible.  Or perhaps he is searching for another way out.” 

Zaeed, Jack, and Grunt escort the few gang members that are still alive back to the Normandy.  The rest quickly but cautiously search the building looking for any missing soldiers or hostages.  Not finding any, they quickly leave.  Only one room is left unchecked; they can hear a deep growl coming from inside when they approach it.  None of them want to deal with a cornered, protective Garrus.  Thane decides to stay behind, in case Garrus tries to take her away from the building. 

They go back to the first building.  Easily finding the soldiers in a locked room, which Kasumi unlocks, the group takes the marines outside and they soon board the Normandy.  The marines are shown down to the mess hall and those injured are treated by Chakwas.  A pickup for the gang members is quickly arranged, as well as a pickup for the rescued marines.  Mordin is already in his lab working. 

The Normandy’s crew looks confused when they realize Shepard and Vakarian aren’t with them.  Kelly asks “Where is Shepard?  And Garrus?”

The squad trades glances.  It is Tali who speaks up.  “Shepard…is with Garrus.  The man who took them hostage threatened to rape her and Garrus…er… _reacted_.  Mordin says it is his primal mating instinct.  Now he won’t let any of us near her.  Until he calms down, there is nothing we can do.  Mordin is working on a treatment to get Garrus out of the state if he doesn’t come out of it naturally.  For now, Shepard is fine.  Garrus will not let anything happen to her.” 

“Wait, what?!  Garrus went _primal_?  What does hell does that mean?” Joker demands.

“Garrus freaked the fuck out, that’s what it means!  He _strangled_ the guy that threatened to rape her!  Which is pretty awesome actually…wish I coulda seen it.  But if we try to get close to her, he’ll attack us, probably fucking kill us simply to protect _her_!” Jack yells. 

“Uh.  Okay.  Can I just say…what the fuck?  I know I used to say I wanted Garrus to take that stick out of his ass.  But I didn’t want him take it out and start beating people, _us_ , with it!”  Joker is a little scared, not that he’d ever admit it.  He’s known Garrus for a long time and the turian has always been remarkably calm.  The pilot knew he was capable of violence, of course he did but the thought of Garrus losing all his restraint and letting his violence and power have free rein…yeah, SCARY!  “Um…is Shepard even _safe_ with him, when he’s all primal or whatever?”

Jacob answers “I can’t think of a safer place.  You didn’t see him.  He was protecting _her_ from _us_!  He wouldn’t have hesitated to attack us if we came near her.  Anyone that tries to hurt her won’t last long with Garrus in this state.  Think of how he reacted to _Thane_.  He was fully in control of himself then.  That control is _gone_ , he’s not Garrus anymore.  It’s like he’s an animal, intent only on protecting his mate.  Nothing will happen to her while he’s around.”   

A stunned Chambers sends a quick message to Admiral Hackett, telling him that the marines are safe and on their way back.  Hackett, no doubt, will find it odd that Shepard isn’t the one contacting him but Kelly figures the Commander wouldn’t want him to know the current situation.  Lily’s relationship with Garrus is not something that the Alliance knows. 


	17. A Cave and The Serum

When her team leaves, Garrus carefully and silently replaces her torso armor, unlocks her cuffs, then his before grabbing his pack.  Then, he tugs her through a different door.  Shepard tries to talk to him, to make him understand that they aren’t threatening her.  But he doesn’t react, as if he can’t even hear her.  Vakarian doesn’t say a word.  When she struggles against his hold, Garrus meets her eyes.  His blue eyes soften and he makes a soft cooing sound, coaxing her to trust him, to follow him.  The blue on his neck is fading and his fringe is no longer standing up.  Lily slumps, his strange behavior is making her concerned.  She reluctantly gives up for now and allows him to guide her.  He seems calmer when she doesn’t resist, still ready and alert but less tense.  They stop in a dead end room and wait.  Lily tries to talk to him but he doesn’t respond.  Garrus growls as they hear footsteps approach the door, pushing her behind him.  Her protests are ignored and he keeps her behind him long after the footsteps retreat. 

Once he feels confident the others have left, Vakarian leads her out of the room to another secret door he finds that is somewhat close to the one they had first entered and out of the building.  Looking around, Garrus cannot see anyone, even with his keen eyesight and visor.  He is unaware of the ghostly presence of Thane is out there, silently watching them, tracking them via the device in Shepard’s omni-tool.  The turian stops when he finds a natural cave that satisfies his needs: one with a single entrance, up high where he can see others coming and sheltered.  When he lets go of her, Shepard opens her omni-tool, intent on talking to Mordin about his strange behavior and what she should do about it.  Vakarian immediately rips it away before she can finish the call, smashing it under his feet.  A disappointed huff makes his displeasure apparent.  Lily is quite stunned.

She stands unmoving as Garrus intently takes off both his and her torso armor.  Then, he unzips and peels her under-armor suit down to her hips.  The human is clothed only in a nude bra from the waist up.  Curiously, Garrus rubs his palms all over her, paying special attention to her hair, face, neck, and waist.  Shepard watches him warily, unsure what he’s doing but shows no resistance.  Another turian would have easily recognized his behavior for what it was: deliberate scenting and marking but as a human she is clueless.  It is marking in its most basic form.  Once he’s satisfied that his scent clearly marks her as _his_ with no trace of Red or any others, Vakarian sits against the back wall, cradling Lily protectively in front of him.  Even with his heat at her back, goose bumps soon cover her torso from the chilly air in the cave.  Garrus notices the strange bumps on her skin, meeting her eyes he trills curiously.  “I’m cold,” Lily murmurs.  He gently tugs her under-armor suit back up and zips it closed.  He settles back against the wall, pulling her firmly against him.  She relaxes, her head on his shoulder, as he wraps his arms both possessively and tenderly around her. 

She tries to work up the energy to be irritated but finds she can’t.  Garrus is clearly more affected by her being assaulted than she is, judging by the state he’s in.  Sure, she is furious and embarrassed that Red dared touch her but she knew he never would have succeeded in his threat to rape her.  Shepard had only been waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.  Garrus turned, _*What was the term Mordin used?  Primal?*_   Protecting her became so important to him that he lost his control, lost himself to the animal within.  Her turian has not spoken since, his voice seemingly trapped by his primitive protective mating instincts.  The verbal silence is a bit eerie, as is Garrus’ more animalistic way of communicating.  Her placidity to his possessive behavior should be entirely uncharacteristic but this isn’t the first time she allowed him to be possessive of her.  However, it is definitely the most drastic.  Yet, Lily’s instincts are telling her to remain compliant, submissive even.  Not from fear that Garrus would hurt her, he is no threat to her and would never hurt her.  It is clear from his behavior that he would rather die than allow her harm.  She knows he believes he is protecting her, not holding her prisoner.  Shepard is hoping her willingness to let him ‘protect’ her will somehow calm him down, help her to get _her_ Garrus back. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Garrus stays in his primal state the rest of night and the silence isn’t getting any easier to take.  When Shepard’s stomach grumbles loudly, he goes into his pack and takes out some of his dextro food.  As a biotic she needs food more often than most and she hasn’t eaten for hours.  Garrus apparently only took his pack, leaving hers behind.  She wishes silently that she hadn’t forgotten to replenish her emergency stash of protein bars that she usually has hidden under her armor.  A rookie mistake she is paying for now.

Vakarian offers the dextro food to her with Shepard trying to refuse the food, “That’s _dextro_ , Garrus, I am _not_ a turian!”  He merely looks at her with as close to puppy dog eyes as a turian can get, making those cooing, coaxing sounds again.  “Can you even hear me, Garrus?  I can’t—”  Vakarian takes advantage of her open mouth, shoving food inside.  He firmly holds her mouth closed, encouraging her to chew then stroking her throat to coax her to swallow, which of course she eventually does.  Thankful that at least she won’t die from an allergic reaction, Lily reluctantly consumes the strange dextro food he offers.  The texture is a little unpleasant and the taste is a bit strange but she’s had much worse over the years.  Vakarian’s throat vibrates with pleased sounds as she eats.  On the plus side, she is no longer hungry and her stomach doesn’t reject the food.  Although she does wonder if her body can even gain any nutrients from dextro food.  Satisfied that his mate is no longer hungry, he finally eats his fill. 

After they have both eaten, Garrus pulls her into his arms again.  She willingly lays her head against his shoulder.  In response, his chest puffs like a proud bird and he purrs his contentment.  He gently strokes his talons through her messed hair.  Shepard soon realizes he is _grooming_ her!  She is a bit dismayed, _*Next, he’ll be gathering courting gifts or something equally un-Garrus-like!*_   Lily realizes that while this primal being is a part of Garrus, that the loving behavior is reflective of how he truly feels about her, she’d much rather have _her_ Garrus back.  Her Garrus who can be both awkward _and_ confident, with his dry humor that never fails to make her laugh.  Who is sweet and surprisingly loving and so completely loyal to her.  Lily is not sure how much more of _this_ she can take.  She’s a badass Spectre, not a helpless child.  She can take care of herself and this passive side of her has its limits which are fast approaching.   

Suddenly, his arms tighten protectively around her.  A low, threatening rumble sounds.  Shepard looks out the cave entrance.  In the darkness she can see two familiar figures, Grunt and Jack, standing off at a distance.  The lights on their armor reveals both have their shotguns out but their weapons are held down at their sides.  They make no attempt to come closer.  But apparently, they are too close for Garrus’ comfort.  He gets up and his human tries to follow him.  The turian makes a harsh huffing sound, pointing at the back of the cave.  Lily rolls her eyes at his caveman behavior but obeys.  She figures he’ll be calmer if she just does as he says and she doesn’t want Grunt or Jack hurt.  Shepard can’t decide whether she is going to hold this behavior over Garrus forever or just let it pass.  Lily has a feeling her turian is going to be quite embarrassed when this is all over.  Vakarian stalks toward the entrance, eying the two figures carefully.  When the pair lifts their faces toward the cave, he advances several feet and roars loud enough for them to hear.  The turian stands tall and strong, clearly posturing.  The krogan and biotic get their answer, he is still in his primal state.  The two calmly walk away, so they can report back to the Normandy. 

Once he can no longer see them, Garrus re-enters the cave.  Thankfully, the rest of the night is relatively uneventful. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

When Shepard wakes the next morning, she’s sore.  Sleeping on top of a turian, especially when he still has his armor on and as does she from the waist down, is not comfortable for an entire night’s sleep.  As she moves to stand up, intense blue eyes pop open.  “Garrus?”  Those blue eyes look slightly confused and they wander around the cave only to return to her more confused than before.  “Shepard, where the hell are we?”

“Garrus!” Lily squeals, so happy to hear his voice again.  “You’re back!” 

“Back?  I was gone?”  Evidently he remembers nothing that happened while he was in his primal state.

“Um…well.  Sort of.”

Vakarian stares at her, eyes asking for an explanation. 

“Do you remember the missing marines?”  He nods.  “Being captured by Lucien Red?”

“Red?  Is that the leader…the one in that hideously fancy blood red armor with the nasty scar on his face?”

“Yeah, that was Red.  Do you remember anything after that?”

“We were driven somewhere.  It had a hidden door, we were dragged inside.  Then…nothing.”

“Okay.  Since you don’t remember anything else, I think we’d better get back to the Normandy before I tell you what happened.  I don’t want to you to…er… _react_ again.”

_*React?*_   Garrus is so confused by his memory loss.  _*Why does Shepard remember but I don’t?  Some kind of chemical, maybe?  Something that affects turians but not humans?  Why are we alone in a cave?  Where is everyone?  Why in the hell is my scent so strong on Shepard?*_   Vakarian realizes that at some point her intentionally heavily marked her with his scent.  It is so strong that it seems to be coming off her in waves.  It is a deliberate and very possessive claim on her.  It is not like he hasn’t marked her before.  But he is usually much, _much_ more subtle, so she is unaware of it.  Of course, Wrex had to open his big mouth, so it’s not a secret anymore.  Still, even after she knew about it, he tried to be subtle.  To have his scent so strongly on her, Garrus knows he must have done it obviously enough that Shepard had to have noticed.  That seems very out of character for him, at least for this stage in their relationship…

“Please, Garrus.  I’ll tell you everything but first you need to be checked out by Mordin.  Okay?”

He doesn’t like this, doesn’t like not knowing what happened, especially since Shepard seems so _concerned_ about how he will react to whatever happened.  Garrus watches as she puts her armor back on before doing the same.  The two walk out of the cave.  Both feel a little naked without the comfortable weight of their weapons, Shepard even more so without her amp.  It’s just another thing he is confused about.  He can’t fathom why neither of them has any weapons. 

“He’s himself again.  Can you call for a pickup?” Shepard calls out.  With her omni-tool broken, she can’t call herself.  Garrus wonders who she’s calling out to and why she isn’t using her own omni-tool. 

Thane cautiously pops out from his hidden spot and advances slowly.  Vakarian watches him baffled as the drell eyes him warily, almost like he’s approaching a wild animal.  Krios had never looked at him like that before, not even after he threatened Thane away from Shepard.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”  Garrus turns to Lily, asking puzzled “Why is he looking at me like that?  Why was Thane hiding?  Why were we alone in the cave, unarmed, with him watching outside?”  Vakarian doesn’t like the hesitant, secretive expression that graces her face.

“I’ll explain once you see Mordin, okay?” 

He can see he will not get anything out of her.  Thane keeps a careful distance from both Shepard and Vakarian, deliberately keeping the turian between him and Lily.  The three soon board the Normandy.  Garrus watches as he is met with even more guarded faces, all carefully eying him as Shepard leads him to Mordin’s lab.  Not a single person attempts to speak to or approach either of them.  And they all give Garrus and Lily a wide berth.  He doesn’t know what the hell he did to cause everyone to _look_ at him that way.  It’s frustrating as hell _not_ knowing. 

Mordin is working as usual, talking to himself as he works. 

“Hey, Mordin.  We’re…uh…back,” Shepard declares awkwardly. 

“Ah, Shepard, Garrus.  Glad to see you, surprised came out of on own.  See he scented you, wonder if that influenced change?  Need to test blood to ensure entirely out of state.  Have serum ready for use.”

Vakarian feels dizzy, trying to makes sense of what the salarian is saying.  The only thing he gets out of it is that Mordin can smell his scent on Shepard.  She looks surprised by that, then an expression of comprehension forms.  * _Ah.  So that is what he was doing with his palms.*_ Garrus already knows that a human’s nose isn’t as sensitive as turians and other species.  From what he’s learned, humans don’t employ scenting behaviors between intimate partners either.

Solus guides the turian to the table.  He quickly releases the seals of his armor, taking it off his arms and torso.  Mordin takes blood, continually muttering under his breath.  “Hormones still elevated…could trigger another episode…” 

“All right.  Somebody tell what the hell happened to me?!  Episodes?  Hormones?  Why the fuck is everyone looking at me like I’m going to attack them?!”  Garrus blows up, unable to take another moment.

Mordin stops abruptly, “Not good, _not good_!”  He darts out the doors, sealing it behind him.  The salarian brushes against Shepard in his haste to escape.   

Vakarian can feel his rage trigger something and feels himself being overwhelmed.  _*Protect mate.  Mine!  MINE!*_   His frustration and anger, along with the scent of another unmated male near Shepard, _touching_ her, easily shifts him back into a primal state.  A growl bubbles out and he lunges against the door, clawing and gnashing his teeth.  The door holds as he throws himself against it, trying to get at the salarian, the man that _dared_ to touch his _yazani._   It isn’t long before everyone on the level is aware that Garrus has gone back into a primal state.  Kelly and Joker watch with wide eyes as the furious, out of control turian slams into the door over and over.  They can hear the frightening growls that cause the hair on the back of their necks to stand up. 

The onlookers can hear Shepard talking soothingly to Garrus, trying to calm him down.  At the sound of her voice, he turns away from the door.  His demeanor changes in a flash, from violent to loving, the growling stops and in its place a soft trilling sound can be heard.  Shepard is embraced by strong turian arms.  Joker can see why Tali and Jacob had been so certain that Garrus wouldn’t hurt Shepard in his primal state, he changed from aggression to adoration the second he focused on her.  If Joker didn’t fear for his life, he would tease Garrus about it later.  The pilot wisely concludes not to risk the turian’s wrath for a joke. 

“Shepard, the serum!  In needle, prepped and ready.  Inject in his neck, must do fast, may break needle before serum injected.”

Garrus instantly reacts again to the sound of Mordin’s voice, the voice of the male that had touched _his_ mate.  He pushes Shepard behind him, roaring and charging the door again.  Lily grabs the needle, stabbing it in his neck, pushing the stopper down.  Garrus turns, meeting her eyes and voices a betrayed whimper.  “It’s for your own good,” she replies.  A minute later, the tension in his body evaporates and he slumps to the ground.  Shepard sinks down next to him, taking his face in her hands, “Garrus?” she asks tenderly.  He lets out a pained moan, “What happened?” 

Mordin cautiously unlocks the door and approaches the slumped man, who has no reaction.  The doctor swiftly draws blood, checking his hormone levels.  “Good.  Serum effective, hormones already within normal level.  Best for him to rest now.  Sudden change in hormone levels exhausts the body.”  The salarian calls Grunt and Jacob, who help the exhausted turian into the quarters he shares with Shepard.  Grunt holds him up while Lily and Jacob take off the rest of his armor.  Once Garrus is laid down on the bed, the two others leave quickly and silently.  Shepard goes toward her console, intent on checking her messages when she hears Garrus softly plead “Lily…”  He can barely keep his eyes open but those intense blue eyes are fuzzy and filled with need.  Removing her own armor she crawls into the bed.  As she fits her body tightly against him, she feels him deeply inhale near her neck.  Whatever he smells seems to satisfy him and Garrus immediately falls asleep. 


	18. Garrus Wakes

Garrus sleeps for 16 hours straight.  The primal state consumes a lot of energy and the first time entering the state is especially draining.  With how long he was in the state, it isn’t surprising he needed a lot of sleep.  In his dreams, he relives everything from the moment he entered a primal state.  When the turian finally awakes, he’s relived those memories far too many times.  Those vivid dreams that are clearly _not_ just dreams…dreams that Vakarian remembers in crystal clear detail.  He cautiously sniffs the air before giving a sigh of relief that Shepard is not here.  _*Spirits, I can’t believe I lost complete control of myself.  I’m such an idiot.  I threatened the squad for fuck’s sake.  I acted like a beast.  How am I going to face Lily?*_   He cradles his head in his hands, wondering how he is going to fix this, if it is even fixable. 

Minutes later, Shepard casually strolls through the door.  EDI had informed her that he had woken up.  “Feeling better, Garrus?”

“Uh…yeah.  Um…”

“What do you remember?”

“Everything unfortunately,” he moans.

The human is surprised, considering before he slept he recalled nothing at all.  “Really?  How very odd.”

Garrus had been studiously avoiding her gaze until then.  His blue eyes pierce hers searchingly.  She does not sound or look upset or scared or angry or anything that he thought she would.  If nothing else, she sounds… _curious_.  The turian analyzes her body language, discovering she actually is openly curious.  He admits quietly, “I…relived it all in my dreams.”

“Ah…  Interesting.  Does that always happen?”

“No.  Um…turian females release scents to suppress aggression and to reassure their mates that they are fine.  The scents provoke hormones to lower slowly, so that males typically retain their memories of everything that happens while in their primal state.”

“Oh, hm…I am not turian.  Do you know why you were able to leave your primal state, no matter how briefly?”

“Er, I am not entirely sure.  As far as I know no human or any non-turian for that matter has ever been able to provoke a turian into a primal state nor been able to bring one out either.  I guess you’d be the first…  I believe the marking…and—um—breathing in your scent covered in mine throughout the night might have helped.  Uh, your easy acceptance of me feeding, grooming, and protecting you might have—er—helped as well.”  Garrus is still shocked by his behavior and even more shocked by Lily’s compliance.  Her ability to not only provoke his primal state but to also get him out of it no matter how briefly without releasing scents is even more evidence that Lily is his _yazani_.  Non-turian mates just aren’t able to provoke a turian’s primal state.  It has never happened in all of turian history.  Neither would they be able to get a turian mate out of that state.  He can’t think of a single explanation other than Shepard is somehow remarkably his _yazani_ , his life-mate.  Primal states are only provoked by a threat to a turian’s _yazani_. 

“Hm…”

Garrus is completely baffled at how nonchalantly Shepard is taking this.  As far as he knows, human males experience nothing like primal states with their mates.  He has seen vids of how turian males act during their primal state and remembers how he acted as do as young turians.  Vakarian cannot understand how she can be so unruffled by his animalistic behavior.  Primal behavior is so obviously possessive and alpha-like.  He stares at her confused.  Garrus blurts out, “How can you be so calm about this?”  He can’t understand how she is so accepting of him treating her like a helpless child, forcing his protection on her even though she wasn’t truly in danger, certainly not from her own crew.   

Lily leans against the fish tank and smiles easily.  “I don’t see a point in getting upset about it.  No one was hurt.  You could have just as easily attacked the squad instead of warning them away.  Your instincts took over, it happens.”  She shrugs as if the whole incident is no big deal. 

“It _happens_?  _It HAPPENS?!_ How can you say that?  Humans don’t have primal states, how are you okay with ‘instincts’ taking over?  I treated you like I owned you.  How are you not upset or angry or _something_?!”  Garrus is freaking out.  His _yazani_ is a human, not just any human but Commander Shepard!  He is the first turian in all of their history to have a non-turian life-mate.  How can he not freak out about this?  It is monumental and he is having a hard time wrapping his brain around it.   

She answers with blatant nonchalance “Garrus, I think you are freaking out enough for the both of us.  I don’t think this is as big a deal as you seem to believe it is.  No, human don’t have primal states specifically and yes, it was shocking and a bit much to take at the time.  But I fully understand protective instincts.  I have incredibly strong protective instincts myself.  It is why I am willing to work with Cerberus, to protect, to _save_ people’s lives.  My instincts are why I willingly died saving Joker, why I have risked my life over and over throughout my career.  Instincts are hard to ignore and you had no chance to because you had no control over yours.  You lost yourself _because_ of me, because you _needed_ to protect me.  You didn’t treat me like a possession.  You were taking care of me.  There is a difference, Garrus.  Just don’t make it a habit, okay?  I can only handle so much caring.”

The turian is stunned once again.  “How—how did I get so lucky?” he asks with awe.  He doubts many other humans, if _any_ , would react with such nonchalance when confronted with behavior from their mate that is so alien, so animalistic, so blatantly possessive.  Especially given the brief length of their relationship. 

Lily grins, “There is not a being in the entire universe I trust more than you, even in your primal state.  You would never hurt me, _could_ never hurt me.”

Garrus lumbers slowly off the bed and crushes her to him.  “There is no one I trust more than you either.  Spirits, I love you, Lily.”

“Right back at you, big guy.”

Vakarian eases back to look at her, amused by her unusual nickname.

“What?”  Her violet eyes hold his stare. 

“Big guy?” he asks wryly.

“Well, compared to me you are.”

“Isn’t pretty much everyone?  Are you even taller than a volus?” he asks, laughing.

“Oh, shut it!  I may be short but I can still kick your ass.”

Garrus grins, quite certain she actually could.  He marvels at how different Lily’s reaction is from what he had imagined.  _*She is so damned amazing.  I thought for sure I’d lost her, that my primal state would have freaked her out.  She acts as if it was nothing.  Nothing strange or alien or frightening.  Spirits, I’ll never understand how I got so lucky.*_

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Garrus ambles apprehensively out of the elevator.  He is nervous about how the crew will react to him after the way he behaved.  Many of them had witnessed it, seen how out of control he had been.  Even if they were informed about why he was so aggressive, Vakarian does not foresee any of them being as accepting and unafraid as Shepard is.  Lily, of course, can see his fears.  She says nothing, does nothing to rush him.  She simply stays by his side in her quietly supportive way. 

The first person they see is Jacob Taylor.  Vakarian internally cringes.  The Cerberus biotic had been terrified of him after the little incident with Thane.  He is fully expecting him to run away screaming, which would have been funny before but not anymore.  Jacob tenses a bit but relaxes almost immediately.  Garrus’ reaction is so obvious that even Taylor can read him.  The turian is embarrassed and afraid that everyone will be terrified of him.  “Vakarian.  Feeling better?” Jacob asks politely.  Garrus looks from him to Shepard and back in disbelief.  He wonders if Lily had warned or threatened the crew to act normally when he came down.  Seeing the question in his eye, Taylor shrugs as if Garrus' aggressive and protective behavior is understandable.  With that, he casually walks off. 

His blue eyes meet Lily’s purple ones in questioning disbelief.  She merely smiles, internally proud for Jacob’s lack of reaction.  Despite what Garrus thinks, she hasn’t spoken to the crew about what happened.  She hasn’t threatened or warned anyone not to react fearfully toward him.  Shepard feels no need to justify his behavior to her crew.  They all know _why_ he was so aggressive and she has faith that they won’t hold his behavior against him. 

Grunt is the next person he sees.  “Garrus.  Primal state, huh?  I guess turians are a bit like the krogan after all.  If only you could be like that all the time, maybe you would have a chance against the krogan.  Any time you want to battle it out, let me know.  Maybe we can battle for Shepard?” 

Lily cocks a brow.

“Or maybe not.  Shepard might kill us both, huh?”  Grunt laughs his somewhat creepy giggle before leaving. 

They meet Kelly next.  “Mr. V-Vakarian.  You’re up,” she says with a slight stutter.  The Yeoman’s fear is obvious. 

“Chambers.  Is Mordin in his lab?” Shepard asks.

She bobs her head nervously.

Garrus remains silent, trying to be as non-threatening as he can.  He slowly follows Lily to Mordin’s lab.  Once inside he checks the door he had slammed into.  It has some scratches from his talons but surprisingly free of dents despite how many times Vakarian had slammed against it. 

“Ah.  Garrus, you’re up.  Any residual symptoms from the primal state?  Weakness in the muscles, headache, emotional instability?”  Mordin is as nonchalant and professional as always. 

“Just a bit of soreness and fatigue,” he answers. 

“Good, good.  Roll up your sleeve, need to check hormone levels.”  After drawing blood and testing, he mutters “Excellent, levels still within accepted parameters.  I’ve loaded ten syringes with the serum.  Five for Shepard and five for you.  Can be hidden within armor.”  With that, Mordin goes back to his work. 

Garrus eyes the salarian briefly before rolling down his sleeve and exiting the lab with Lily. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Most of the rest of the squad’s reactions are more positive than Garrus expects.  Jack is impressed by the power hidden beneath Garrus’ control while Kasumi is intrigued.  Miranda and Samara are calm, neither woman comments on what happened.  Tali is curious but supportive.  Thane’s reaction is both respectful and understanding.  Drell do not have primal states but he would do anything to protect those he loves from harm.  Zaeed reacts in his typical fashion with not a trace of fear. 

The skittishness of some of the crew isn’t terribly surprising and Garrus doesn’t hold it against them.  It may take time but eventually they will relax again in his presence. 

After the evening meal, he and Lily go back to their rooms.  They relax on the couch, the silence between them comfortable.  Lily’s head lies in his lap and Garrus combs his talons through the silky strands of her hair.  The caress is soothing for both of them. 

Garrus isn’t aware of the time as it passes until suddenly Lily breaks the silence.  “Is primal state a normal aspect of turian relationships?”

“Not usually, no.”  He isn’t ready to tell her the real truth about primal states.  He looks down and sees the question in her purple eyes.  “Not many turian relationships have all the right—er—circumstances to provoke a primal state.”

“And what circumstances are needed?”

Garrus can’t very well tell her that they have to be life-mates.  “Well.  The mate has to be threatened and being threatened sexually is even more likely to provoke the primal response.”

“Threats?  That’s it?”

“No, of course not.  It’s—well—the most primitive part of a turian, the animal within I guess you could say, must recognize the other as a mate.  It is this part that triggers the state.”  It may not be the whole truth but it is enough for now at least. 

Lily smiles, “So your animal within sees me as your mate, huh?”

Garrus laughs, “Couldn’t you tell with all the cooing and such?”

Shepard giggles, “I remember.  It was adorable.  Strange but adorable.”

Vakarian huffs, “You’re lucky I love you.”

Her grin widens and she sits up.  Lily wraps her arms around him, “Not as lucky as you are that I love you back.”   

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Garrus waits a week before approaching Joker.  He’s endured the pilot’s looks long enough.  Vakarian enters the cockpit and sits down.  Joker eyes him carefully but doesn’t say a word.  Garrus is more than able to wait the pilot out.  It takes ten minutes of silence before Joker breaks.  “So…”

Garrus makes a sound of agreement but says nothing else.

“What’s up with you turning into the turian version of the Hulk?”  While he still has a grain of fear deep down inside him of what Garrus is capable of, for the most part Joker simply sees Garrus as the friend he’s known for years. 

_*The Hulk?  What or who is the Hulk?*_ Garrus is confused.  “I don’t know what that is.”

“The Hulk?  Big green guy?  Out of control rage monster?  Comic book character?  20th century?”  He had plenty of time to discover vintage comic books during his childhood as most of the children he encountered didn’t want anything to do with a cripple.   

Garrus confusion doesn’t abate.  “Is this Hulk a person or a monster?”

“You really need to have Shepard give you a crash course in human history.”  At Vakarian’s pointed expression, Joker adds, “It’s complicated.  He’s a human that can turn into a huge rage-filled green monster.”

“Oookay,” Garrus drawls. 

“You know what, just forget about that.  It doesn’t matter.  Back to my question, what’s up with the whole primal state thing?  Shouldn’t something like that be well known?”  Joker shakes his head and starts muttering to himself, “I can see the headlines now: Turians turn into violent, primitive animals.  Or underground fights!  Krogan vs. turian, the ultimate battle of strength.”

“Joker…JOKER!” Garrus yells to stop the pilot’s ramblings. 

Joker jerks and snaps his mouth shut. 

“Primal states are a well kept secret within turian society.”

“Really?” Joker asks, intrigued. 

Garrus admits, “Yes.  The only non-turians that really know about it are doctors and even they are sworn to secrecy.”

Joker grins.  Knowing a well kept secret always gives him a feeling of pride.  “Now that I know are you going to have to kill me?”

Garrus looks at him puzzled.  “Why would I have to kill you?”

Joker laughs, thinking the turian is kidding before realizing he isn’t joking.  “You’ve never heard that old saying ‘If I told you, I’d have to kill you?’”

“Turians don’t have that saying.  A turian wouldn’t waste the time to tell you he is going to kill you, he’d just do it.”

“Woah, Garrus.  You probably shouldn’t say things like that out loud.  Especially after the whole ‘I’m going to kill you because you looked at Shepard wrong’ thing.  Your primal out of control rage beast is scary enough, no need to make it worse.” 

Garrus laughs out loud.  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he says dryly. 

Joker shakes his head and chuckles quietly.  “So…how does this primal state thing work anyway?”

Vakarian eyes him critically.  While Joker is known to be a bit of a gossip, he also is capable of keeping a secret.  “It’s a bit complicated to explain.  Let’s just say that it takes a threat to a mate but only if the relationship is suitably intimate.”

“Suitably intimate?  Is that a nice way of saying they have to be fucking?” Joker asks skeptically. 

Garrus shakes his head, “No.  It is not a nice way of saying fucking.  I meant intimate in that the partners have a deep, emotional connection.  The couple does not need to be sexually intimate.  The primal state can be triggered without it.”

“But you and Shepard are fucking, right?”

Vakarian glares at Joker, who smirks and asks, “How do you two do it anyway?”

The turian growls softly, “That’s none of your business.” 

Joker laughs at his disgruntled expression but drops the subject.  They spend the rest of their time together talking about Liara and Wrex. 


	19. Sidonis

Dealing with Sidonis does not go as Garrus had planned.  Shepard had convinced him to let the traitor go.  He knows he never would have listened to him, never would have given Sidonis a chance to speak if Shepard hadn’t forced him to.  Although a part of him understands why she did it…a distant voice inside him (one that has been drowned by his fury concerning the traitor) even agrees with the decision, he is still pissed at her.  Sidonis had offered no mercy to his squad, why should _he_ be given any? 

Immediately after boarding the Normandy, Garrus demands to talk to Shepard in their quarters.  Seeing the temper afire in his eyes, the blue simultaneously burning as hot as a flame and as cold as ice, the Commander nods her assent and the two silently ascend in the elevator together. 

Upon reaching her room, Garrus grabs her arm dragging her inside.  “You had _no_ right!  Just because we are together doesn’t mean you can make decisions for me!  This was my decision to make, not yours!  Sidonis was _my_ problem, _my_ responsibility…it was _my_ men that died!  I deserved vengeance for their deaths.”  The turian trembles with anger, his voice is harsh and his body unyielding. 

Under all his ire Garrus still feels that same gut wrenching feeling he had felt seeing her head in his scope.  He is more furious at her for repeatedly and _deliberately_ allowing his shot to be lined up on her head than the fact Sidonis is still alive.  The jolt of fear he had felt because his love’s life could have been ended with a twitch of his finger is one he will never forget.  For just a moment, his rage had overridden his sense, he had wanted so badly to kill Sidonis that he was willing to consider going through Shepard to do so.  That lapse in judgment, the mere idea that his need for revenge could ever be more important to him than Lily is scares Vakarian more than anything else.  A turian’s _yazani_ is precious, more valuable than anything else in a turian’s life.   A _yazani_ is irreplaceable.  For him to even consider killing her to satisfy his need for revenge is inconceivable, shameful and almost unforgiveable.  Fear, guilt, shame, and anger are all twisting inside of him.  He knows he is unfairly taking this out on her but all those emotions swirling inside of him make it impossible for him to react rationally.  The only thought running through his mind is _*I could have killed her.*_   Vakarian has never felt this out of control, not even during his primal state.    

Lily takes his anger, accepts it.  Her face is apologetic.  “I couldn’t let you do it, Garrus.  Even if you hate me.  I couldn’t let you do it.  Murdering someone…someone you once _trusted_.  Just like Miranda and Niket.  Calling it vengeance doesn’t make it any less murder.  Once you cross that line, there is no going back, Garrus.  It is different on the battlefield where it is kill or be killed but there—it would have just been murder,” Shepard admits quietly.  She had known the risks, that he might hate her for it.  But she loves him too much to have let him cross that line.  Lily has no idea why Garrus is really angry nor how his emotions are violently churning within him. 

He had not seen it that way, a traitor such as Sidonis does not deserve honor, only death. 

“Sidonis will suffer everyday he is alive, knowing you had mercy on him even after he betrayed you.  _Every single day_ he will have to live with that.  He’ll suffer more than if you had killed him.  You saw him.  He’s _suffering_ , having to live with what he has done.  Having to live knowing he betrayed those who trusted him, that _he_ is the reason they are dead.  That he selfishly traded his own life for the others.  He has to live with the fact that his own lack of honor is the reason they died.  Living with that guilt is more of a punishment than death.”

After a deep breath, she continues “I was sixteen when my parents and everyone I knew, everyone I _loved_ were killed on Mindoir by batarian slavers.  I was on Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz.  I fought off more slavers, more fucking batarians.  After my parents, after my family, _my twin_ , were senselessly killed, after the Skyllian Blitz, I wanted to give in.  I wanted to rip every batarian apart with my bare hands, regardless of if they were involved or not.  I wanted to _murder_ them, for what their species had done to _my_ family.  It would have been so easy to blame their entire race for what happened on Mindoir, on Elysium and I wanted to, oh God how I wanted to.  Looking at my life, all of the things, the _people_ , I’ve lost because of batarians?  I have every reason to hate them, to loathe their entire race.  The fact is every almost batarian I have ever met has been a slaver or criminal.  It would be easy to hold onto my hate.  But I would have lost who I am, what I stand for, who my parents raised me to be.  It would all be lost in a sea of hate.  I certainly wouldn’t be here if I gave in, I’d be dead or in jail or an empty shell of what I could have been.  You don’t think I didn’t want revenge, for my parents, for my brothers, for my sisters, for _Leeloo_ , my other half, for all of Mindoir and for Elysium?  I get why you wanted vengeance, I _do_.  There have been times I could feel my blood sing at the mere thought of killing batarians, ones that _deserved_ it!  And every time I feel that way it scares me.  Despite what some think, I’m not perfect, Garrus.  Not by a long shot.  I may be a paragon, a dedicated one at that, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a renegade within me fighting to get out.  I deliberately helped that batarian on Omega, the one sick from the plague.  He blamed humans for the plague even if he was wrong.  I have plenty of legitimate reasons to hate batarians.  It was hard for me to help him because a part of me wanted to watch him suffer, to watch him die…which is why I made the conscious choice to help him.”

Shepard briefly pauses, declaring, “You’ve changed Garrus.  What happened to your squad changed you, made you harder, less merciful.  I know how that feels, my death has changed me too.  The doubts and accusations from people I _trusted!_ It would be so easy to just let my bitterness, anger, and pain consume my soul…to devour all the goodness and mercy in me.  And I fight that urge, everyday.  The impulse, the _longing_ , to pass judgment on others, to end their lives because _they deserve it_!  I can’t bear watching you lose more of yourself.  Sidonis was weak, _selfish_ even.  He thought more of his own life than honor, trust, and loyalty.  He saved his own life at the cost of the deaths of your squad.  But is he completely evil?  Is he unredeemable?  It isn’t just black and white, Garrus, as much as you want it to be.  What he did was _wrong_ but there is good still in him.  _You_ are better than him and I couldn’t let you murder him.  I couldn’t let you sink down to that level.  I was scared you wouldn’t have been my Garrus anymore if you killed him.  You wouldn’t be the man I love,” Lily declares calmly but passionately.  “I know you gave up your blood lust for Sidonis’ life because of me.  I know how much you wanted that, how much you were driven to end him, in payment for your squad’s deaths, for his betrayal.”  Shepard’s violet eyes shine with emotion, “Garrus.  You mean _everything_ to me and I am willing to show you that.  You sacrificed something for me, so I am willing to do the same for you.”  

Although still angry, both at himself and at Lily, Garrus wonders what she means by that.  Standing in front of the turian, gazing intently into his blue eyes, she declares “From my research, I’ve found that male turians often enjoy…dominating their partners.”  At this, Garrus’ eyes widen.  He knows better than anyone how much of a control freak Shepard is, knows how important that is to her.  Considering her history, it is not surprising.  Since losing everyone on Mindoir and the attack on Elysium, Shepard has kept herself together by never relinquishing control.  There is nothing Lily dreads— _fears_ even, more than not being in control, of someone having power over her.  * _She is willing to do this?  Be completely under my control?  For me?*_   He tilts his head, silently asking for permission. 

She wordlessly nods.  Garrus can feel his blood pounding through his veins; he’s never felt more powerful.  Because she is freely giving him the power because one of the most powerful biotics, most powerful soldiers in this universe is trusting _him_ with that power.  The trust Shepard is showing in her willingness to allow him to have absolute control over her—it completely erases his anger.  Shepard’s trust issues are well known especially since her death and Vakarian is awed by the vulnerability she is willing to expose to him.  She is voluntarily facing her greatest fear _for him_.He can see it for the gift it is. 

No longer wanting to punish her, Garrus cups her face gently.  The turian lovingly presses his forehead against her.  The familiar act of affection eases some of the tension Shepard feels.  Garrus undresses his love, motioning her to the bed.  Lily tensely lies in the middle of the bed.  Reaching into his night stand, he takes out a pair of handcuffs from his C-Sec days.  The turian sees the quick flash of fear in Lily’s eyes.  Unlike any other times she’s been handcuffed or someone else has tried to control her, she knows she won’t fight back against Garrus.  She is completely at his mercy.  She has to trust him 100%, something she has never done with anyone before.  Seeing the fear in her eyes, Vakarian promises softly “Love?  All you have to say is no.  I’ll understand.”  Lily pauses and closes her eyes.  When she opens them again, no longer is there fear in her eyes, she vows “I trust you.”  Garrus guides his human’s arms over her head, gently cuffing her hands to the headboard. 

He runs his fingers through her hair, savoring the silky texture.  Garrus begins by stroking his talons down her body, from her neck to thigh.  His tongue follows, tracing that line back up to her neck.  Lily gasps, surprised that her lover does not immediately take advantage of his domination over her as all the turians from the vids had.  They had been driven by lust but her turian is driven by _love_.  He doesn’t want to dominate her but cherish her. 

He slips a carefully blunted talon into her, gently stroking inside her.  Adding another finger, Garrus deliberately brushes his talons across her sensitive nub, stretching her womb.  Easing his fingers out, only to thrust them deep inside her.  Moving his fingers in and out of her, Shepard forgets about her fear and begins to get lost in her own arousal.  Lily whimpers as Garrus slides his fingers out.  She struggles against the cuffs, trying to reach out to him, to touch him.  Gripping her hips, he guides himself into her, thrusting deep.  Garrus growls as she squeezes around him.  He begins to move and she arches upward to meet his every forceful thrust.  As the pressure builds, his speed increases, slamming himself into her warm heat. 

Garrus feels the intense longing to deliberately mark her, never before has he felt this urge to mark a lover as his and _his alone_.  To mark her as his life-mate, his _yazani,_ his one and only for forever and always.  The compulsion is devastatingly intense.  Even knowing it is wrong to do without permission, without her knowledge of its meaning, Garrus is overwhelmed and cannot resist.  She is _his_ and he needs other turians to know it.  He sinks his sharp teeth deep into her skin, at the place where his tongue first tasted her, where her shoulder meets her neck.  It is the first time Garrus has bitten her hard enough to draw blood.  He secretes a substance from his mouth and applies it with his tongue to the bite.  The substance is to protect and preserve the mark, as well as being a scent marker that only turians can read.  It is a scent his species cannot mistake, every turian that comes close to Lily will be able to smell his scent on her and know she’s been claimed.  _*She is MINE, she belongs to ME, only me and now everyone will know.*_

Shocked, Lily climaxes, her muscles milking him.  Vakarian stares at the mark he made just above her collarbone, with a deep, possessive satisfaction.  She is his _yazani_ and every turian that sees that mark, smells his claiming scent, will know that.  No other turian can ever claim her.  None would dare.  Digging his talons into her hips, Garrus violently thrusts…once…twice before spilling himself into her.  His seed inside her is merely another way for him to claim her as his mate, whether she knows it or not.  After a moment, he pulls out of her, and rolls over onto his back.  Vakarian quickly unlocks the cuffs, throwing them aside.  The turian kisses the slight red marks on her wrists, as an apology.  He presses Lily against his side and the two fall asleep entwined. 


	20. The Citadel: Anderson, Alenko, & Udina

Once again on the Citadel, Shepard goes to see Councilor David Anderson for the first time since Horizon. 

“Shepard, it’s good to see you, again.”

“Councilor,” her tone is reserved. 

“What’s with the formal address?”  Anderson is puzzled by Lily’s behavior.  He jokes “I thought we were long past that.”

“You could have warned me,” she accuses. 

Like a switch has been flipped, Anderson can suddenly see the fury that she had been hiding beneath her blank mask.  He is taken aback by its intensity.  David has never seen his friend so angry, and neverbefore has it been directed at _him_.  The Councilor actually takes a physical step back and asks a little uncertainly, “Shepard?”  It is the first time he has ever felt a sliver of fear because of her.  She is an incredibly powerful vanguard, the most powerful he has ever seen.  If she lost control she could easily kill him without even trying.  And Shepard is very angry.  He can feel the full extent of her rage as if it was physically hitting his body. 

She angrily stabs her fingers at him.  “Horizon!  You let me be blindsided by Alenko.  I get that I’m with Cerberus and that people will mistrust me but I thought we were _friends_.  I _trusted_ you!”  Shepard had trusted Anderson completely, one of the few she had since Mindoir.  His failure to warn her had felt like a stab to the back.  Despite how unfair it may seem to her mentor, Lily had trusted him.  He gave her no warning.  She had not expected details considering she is no longer an Alliance soldier but a subtle hint had not been too much to ask. 

David visibly winces as she says were.

“Maybe you see me as Alenko does,” Shepard says bitterly. 

“Shepard…”  He feels so guilty at how much his lack of trust hurt her.  David knows she is right.  He could have told her off the record but he didn’t because he hadn’t trusted her.  A woman that is much like a daughter to him and he hurt her…let Kaidan hurt her. 

“No.  This was a mistake.  I shouldn’t have come.”  Lily knows now that she shouldn’t have tried to confront him, not when she is still so enraged.  Being blindsided by Kaidan had been a jolt to the heart, and she can’t help but feel bitter that David chose not to warn her, not to trust her. 

Anderson can only watch helplessly as she walks away.  _*Damn.  Shepard’s reunion with Alenko must have gone very, **very** badly.  She never once called Alenko by his first name.  From the first moment they met, Shepard has always called him Kaidan.  As pissed as she is with me, she appears to be even more furious at him.  What **exactly** did Alenko say to her?  Whatever it was, it wasn’t in his report.*_

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

While Shepard meets with Anderson, Garrus and Tali find a café to get some real dextro food.  The Normandy’s stock of dextro food is lacking to say the least.  Edible sure but great tasting with a lot of variety?  Not so much.  The pair is enjoying the meal and catching up.  Tali drags the whole embarrassing story of reuniting with Wrex on Tuchanka out of him.  “Wow, not your best decision, was it Garrus?  Secretly scenting her?  You had to know she was going to figure it out eventually, right?”  Watching him closely, she can see a faint blue blush rise on his neck and cheeks.  “Uh, well, I—she,” the turian stutters uncontrollably.  Tali laughs gleefully at his obvious embarrassment.  “Oh, Garrus.  You really had no plan at all did you?”  Vakarian glares at her obvious enjoyment.  He straightens up, trying to shove his mortification down.  Finally, he just admits with a bit of disbelief “Shepard makes me do crazy things.  Stupid _and_ crazy.”  The quarian giggles, “That is very true, my friend.”  It isn’t the first uncharacteristic thing he’s done around Shepard and probably won’t be the last.  Garrus’ answering laugh is cut off abruptly.  Tali is startled by the sudden hardness and fury in his face and body as he stares at something behind her.  Turning around, under her mask her own face flushes with anger.  Behind her Kaidan Alenko is standing talking with another Alliance soldier. 

Garrus and Tali look at each other and nod, both instantly in agreement of what they need to do.  When Vakarian spies Alenko on the move, the pair follows.  They keep out of sight of the cameras, very little has changed since he was C-Sec the last time.  In addition, Garrus had gone to the Citadel with Thane a few times and the drell had showed him all of the holes in C-Sec’s security.  It would not be good to be seen following him, the two of them much too recognizable especially together.  Both Thane and Kasumi had shown the pair a few of their tricks, which made going undetected a bit easier.  Luck is on their side as they remain undetected and soon get their chance to act.  Garrus nods and it begins. 

Tali releases Chatika, who shocks the unsuspecting Alenko.  The drone stuns him long enough for Garrus to land several blows to his head and torso.  Kaidan is barely conscious and curls to protect his head.  His biotic barrier is weak at best and no match for his two viciously enraged attackers.  Chatika shocks him again and Tali kicks him a few times in the back.  Neither of them says a word during the attack, knowing Kaidan would easily recognize either of their voices.  Two more punches and Alenko is knocked unconscious.  Ordering Chatika to shock him a few more times, Tali finishes her retribution with a few kicks to his back.  Vakarian kicks the limp body one last time before they leave, resisting the very real urge to do more serious damage to the unconscious man.  He knows that there are no cameras in this part of the Citadel.  Kaidan will have no idea who attacked him.  They had been very careful about the cameras while following him. 

While Tali isn’t particularly known for being bloodthirsty, Alenko had hurt Shepard deeply and that cannot go unpunished.  She hasn’t seen as much as Garrus has but she’s seen glimpses of it.   Those little clues are enough to give the quarian a clue to how very much he had hurt her. 

Vakarian, however, _is_ known for being a bit ruthless at times.  Kaidan hurt his friend, his love, his _yazani_ , and he simply returned the favor.  The biotic is lucky Garrus only decided to hurt him a little, not kill him.  It would not be the first time a turian killed to protect his _yazani_. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

It doesn’t take long for Kaidan to be found and the story of the seemingly unprovoked attack on a decorated Alliance soldier quickly spreads through the Citadel.  Neither C-Sec nor the Alliance finds a clue as to who the perpetrator or perpetrators are.  All that Alenko can remember about the attack was that he’d been shocked by something, which he thought might have been a drone.  Engineers are not uncommon, especially on the Citadel.  With nothing to go on C-Sec and the Alliance eventually mark the file unsolved and move on. 

Payback feels sweet to the turian, especially since it is kept secret from Shepard.  She is too busy with the Collectors to pay any attention to the news vids.  He’s not sure if she’d be happy about the attack or angry.  Garrus is okay with her never finding out. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

A week later…

Donnel Udina storms into Councilor Anderson’s office.  His bitterness that Anderson, a mere _soldier_ , was chosen over _him_ , an ambassador to the Council, to be the first human councilor still colors his every conversation David.  The hardest thing for Donnel to swallow is that Anderson is now his direct _superior_.  Of course, it doesn’t help that Anderson had punched him _and_ helped Shepard steal the Normandy prior to being chosen for the Council.  It doesn’t matter that Anderson and Shepard were right and he was wrong or that as a direct result Shepard and her crew saved the Citadel _and_ the Council during the Battle of the Citadel. 

“There are rumors flooding the Citadel that _Shepard_ is involved with a _turian_!” Udina spits out Shepard’s name with great contempt.  _*That bitch has never hidden how much she hates me.  And she recommended Anderson over me!*_  

He isn’t wrong.  Shepard loathes him almost as much as he does her.  The only difference is that she doesn’t care what he thinks of her.  Udina is not so unaffected.  Every snub from her is like another thorn under his skin, making his outrage grow and grow.  Shepard is one of humanity’s most recognized soldiers; _her_ rebuffing _him_ is completely unacceptable.

David’s eyebrows lift in surprise.  It’s obvious to him what Udina means by _involved_.  “And you are telling me this because…?”  He has to wonder how the rumors got started and if there is any truth to them.  Unlike when Shepard was with Alenko, she has no legal reason to hide any relationship she might have with a turian.  Granted there will be those within the Alliance and humanity that will look down upon a relationship between a turian and human, especially if Shepard is that human.  Knowing her as well as he does, David knows she is unlikely to care about the opinions of others concerning her relationships.  She has been alone basically since sixteen.  She is strong and independent.  Nothing and no one has ever been able to make her do something she doesn’t want to do or to stop her from doing something she wants.  It is one reason why she’s a great Spectre.

Anderson isn’t especially surprised to hear she is rumored to be involved with an alien.  Shepard is one of the most open-minded people he knows, which is why she had no hesitation in adding aliens to her crew.  Hell, she somehow got a turian and a krogan to work together on the Normandy SR-1.  She’s done that and more with her new crew.  Now a turian, salarian, and a krogan are on her squad if the rumors are to be believed.  Shepard also goes after what she wants despite what anyone else says.  Her military career can attest to both of those facts.  David knows any discretion she’d have would be simply to protect her own privacy, rather than because she is ashamed or cares about what people will think. 

“You have to _do_ something!” Udina yells.

“What?  Why?”

“Shepard is embarrassing humanity!  Dating a turian!  A lot of humans haven’t forgotten the Contact War.”

Unsurprised by the xenophobic undertones, Anderson asks “What do you expect me to do about this?  I am no longer her superior.  And it’s only a rumor, right?”

“Talk to her!  She listens to you.  Find out if it’s true.  If it is, you have to _convince_ her to end this—this _relationship_!” Donnel sneers. 

David barks out a laugh, “Udina, you are bat-shit crazy if you think I am going to tell _Commander fucking Shepard_ what she can or cannot do in her personal life.  Despite what some still believe, turians and humans are no longer enemies.  It’s been close to thirty years.  We are allies now.  Her being involved with a turian does not violate any Alliance or Council rules.  It is not illegal.  It is absolutely _none_ of my business or yours and I certainly have no intention of getting involved.”  _*Shepard is already pissed off at me; there is no chance in hell I’m giving her any more reasons to be angry with me.*_   Anderson states, “I am not going to stop you from talking to Shepard but let me make this clear I _will not_ protect you from her.”  David wants nothing to do with this situation.  Udina is one his own.  _*I doubt Udina has the balls to confront Shepard.  She would **destroy** him and how much would I love to see that!*  _

Udina doesn’t take his refusal or warning well and leaves in a huff. 

David waits for the other man to leave before grinning.  What he wouldn’t give to see Shepard take Udina down a peg.   It has been rather tiresome working with him since being appointed.  He wonders who would enjoy the encounter more, Shepard or him. 

Anderson finds this new development with Shepard fascinating, _*So…Shepard might be involved with a turian. It is not as surprising as Udina seems to think.  If it is true, it has to be Garrus Vakarian.  She had been rather close to him during his time on the Normandy SR-1.  The turian is back on her crew, according to Alenko’s report.  Very interesting…*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the Arrival mission. I've written the mission but still need to work on Shepard talking with Garrus afterwards as well as her talk with Hackett. After that I will have to work on Derelict Reaper ship mission, adding Legion the mix, Legion's mission and the suicide mission. After those are done, I should have a nice chunk of chapters that will only need to be read through before posting.


	21. Garrus Vs. Thane: Who's Gonna Win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been about a month since I last update, so that isn’t too bad. I took a while for me to write this chapter, it was a bit of a struggle and my muse was pulling me to my other stories. This chapter is brand new. Fieryrose00 on Ao3 was a little disappointed at the lack of a fight between Thane and Garrus in Chapter 10, and wondered who would win in a real fight between Thane and Garrus. This is my attempt to answer that question. I chose the planet Almos for a location as it has almost no information about it on the ME wikia. Anything beyond its location is all made up from my mind.

A week later Thane receives an SOS with a set of coordinates from one of his prior associates in the form of a brief and obviously rushed message:

TK:

Help, Almos. LoD.

ZX

Thane’s mind flashes through his memories of Zarek Xenakis, the turian that had saved him when he was thirteen.  Since that fateful night, Thane and Zarek had kept in touch.  Five years later, Thane was able to repay his life debt by saving the turian’s life.  When Irikah was murdered, Zarek offered his help without hesitation.  Zarek is one of the few friends Thane has and he would do almost anything to help him.  As much as Thane doesn’t want to burden Shepard with another personal mission, he cannot avoid it.  Zarek needs his help and Shepard has the resources and the power to help.

Miranda walks into the Life Support room to find him looking dazed.  “What’s wrong, Thane?”

He blinks slowly, coming back to reality.  “Siha,” Thane sighs. 

“What is it?”  Concerned, she touches his shoulder and her eyes rove over his form looking for wounds and checking his breathing.  “Should I get Mordin or Chakwas?”

“I am fine Siha but Zarek is in trouble.”  He shows her the message. 

“Zarek, the turian you told me about?”

Krios nods. 

“LoD?”

Thane answers softly, “Life or death.” 

Miranda nods definitively, “Shepard.  Whatever is going on, you and Shep can figure it out.  Together, you will save Zarek.”

Although used to working alone, Thane has come to trust Shepard with everything he has.  It cannot hurt to have her along.  She is an unstoppable force and has a fast ship.  She can get them to Almos in the Vamshi System within the Armstrong Nebula faster than anything he could find.  Thane takes Miranda’s hand, bringing it to his lips.  “Let’s go find Shepard.”

Together they go in search of Shepard, finding her with Jack, Garrus, Grunt, and Zaeed playing a card game.  As often happens, the game is boisterous and filled with trash talk.  Grunt and Zaeed are too busy yelling at each other to notice Thane and Miranda entering.  Jack glances up briefly but upon seeing her least favorite woman she turns her attention back to the game.  Lily looks up, the carefree grin immediately drops and her expression sobers. 

Before she can ask, he says “Could I have a moment of your time, Shepard?”

“Of course, Thane.”  Shepard stands up; as she exits she trails her fingers down Garrus’ arm in a familiar caress.  Despite the relative newness of their relationship, Lily isn’t shy about touching Garrus in front of the others.  Garrus isn’t her dirty little secret and Lily isn’t ashamed to show her affection for her turian. 

Thane, Miranda, and Shepard go to her quarters to talk.  Shepard gets straight to the point and asks, “What is wrong?”

“I need your help.  I received an emergency message from a friend.  I don’t have any of the details as his message was only a few words but it said it was life or death.”

Shepard doesn’t hesitate, “What do you need me to do?”

Thane sighs in relief; Shepard is willing.  “Zarek’s message says that he is on Almos.  He gave a set of coordinates.”

The Commander quick scans the map of the known worlds in her mind, asking uncertainly, “Armstrong Nebula?”

“Yes, within the Vamshi System.”

Shepard calls Joker and tells him to start plotting to the Vamshi System.  She opens her omni-tool and searches Almos.  It isn’t a heavily populated planet.  Mining companies are spread out throughout the planet, some small cities, settlements and towns.  She enters the coordinates and discovers that it leads to an abandoned mine.  That done, she asks, “What do you know?  What should we expect?”

“Almost nothing.”  Thane shows her the message he received. 

“Tell me about…Zarek was it?”

“Zarek Xenakis.  He’s turian.  Zarek saved my life when I was thirteen.”

Shepard nods in understanding.  There is a bond that often forms when a person saves your life.  “What does Zarek do?  Military?”  She wonders if Zarek has a reputation among turians, Garrus might know him.

“Yes.  Special Forces.”

“If he’s in trouble, whoever or whatever is threatening him is serious.  How do you want to do this?  Stealth?  Gun blazing?”  Shepard is not stealthy; she’s self-aware enough to know that.  She is a vanguard.  She craves the adrenaline rush of close combat.  Her stealth involves a sniper rifle and staying almost completely still.  She is not an assassin like Thane that can blend and hide in plain sight. 

Thane considers the options.  If they go in stealthily, the options are fairly limited.  Only he and Kasumi are truly skilled at stealth.  Shepard’s biotic aura makes her too noticeable.  Jack and Grunt are about as subtle as a Tsunami.  The rest of the Normandy’s squad is stealthy to varying degrees.  Thane has no idea what they will be walking into.  The uncertainty is troubling.  “Guns blazing.  We don’t know what we will encounter.  It is better to go in anticipating a fire fight than to go in with stealth and be out gunned.”

“I agree.  I am thinking you, Garrus, and me.  Miranda too, if you like.” 

Miranda gives Thane a look and warns him, “Do not even think about leaving me behind.”

Thane blinks slowly before answering, “Of course not, Siha.”

Shepard smirks. 

Miranda laughs at her, “I wouldn’t be so smug, Shep.  I don’t see you daring to attempt to leave Garrus behind.”

Shepard laughs, not denying anything.  “I’ll talk to Joker and then update Garrus.  I will have EDI let you know when we are about to land.” 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Garrus is brought up to speed as Joker plots a course to Almos.  He can’t help but think back to the last mission they had gone in blind.  The turian hopes this one will go better than the last.  Even with Mordin’s serum, Garrus does not want to go into his primal state again.  He doesn’t know Zarek by name or reputation, which isn’t surprising considering how many turians are in the military in one form or another.  Despite wishing they had more information Garrus understands Thane’s desire to answer Zarek’s distress call immediately.  Saving someone’s life or having your own life saved by another creates a link between the two people that often lasts a lifetime.  How could a person forget someone that is the reason he or she is alive?  Sometimes he wonders if Shepard would be his _yazani_ if they’d met under different circumstances.  He has saved Lily’s life and she his.  He doesn’t know if they would be together without that binding them. 

Far too quickly, Joker is announcing they’ll be landing in a few minutes.  Garrus checks his armor and weapons one last time while Lily does the same.  Earlier he had watched her replace her protein bars stash she hides under her armor.  She must have been remembering that mission too.  Lily never got sick from eating his dextro food that time thankfully but Garrus knows she isn’t in any hurry to try it a second time. 

Jacob is left in command as Miranda, Thane, Garrus, and Shepard depart for the coordinates.  The other squad members are on standby, just in case Shepard needs them.  None of them have any idea what they are walking in on. 

Miranda and Lily lead with guns out and biotics at the ready while Thane and Garrus trail behind.  The mine looks empty and abandoned as they expected.  “Anyone else getting a bad feeling in tips of their fringe?” Garrus asks.

Lily laughs, “Yeah, the rest of us don’t have that, _turian_.  Fringe or not, I feel the same.  Something bad is going to happen.”  She sounds matter-a-fact despite anticipating disaster.  This will not be the first or last time Shepard has knowingly walked into a shit storm without flinching. 

Systematically they search the mine until they come to the lowest and farthest room.  In the corner lies a cuffed and gagged turian.  Thane rushes toward him, “Zarek!”  The other three clear the rest of the room before going to Thane.

The sound of the door locking makes Shepard’s heart sink.  “Shit.”

Even worse is the sound of a gas being pumped into the room and knowing they have no escape.  Shepard reaches out to Garrus and grips his hand tightly; Miranda does the same with Thane.  Both women are surprised when minutes later they feel no different.  Their expectations of death delay their realization that Garrus and Thane are not unaffected by the mysterious gas. 

The two men fall to the floor, their guns dropping to the floor loudly. 

“Garrus?”

“Thane?”

The two women check on their men but they don’t respond, not to their words or their touch.  Suddenly, Garrus opens his eyes and instead of ice blue, his whole eye is eerily black.  “Garrus?” Shepard asks shakily. 

Then, Thane opens his eyes and instead of shining black, his eyes are blood red.  Miranda is shocked and asks hesitantly, “Thane?”

Neither man responds.  They each stand, moving as if controlled by someone else.  Garrus and Thane are several feet apart.  Their eyes meet for a moment and it is like a switch is pulled.  Miranda and Lily can only watch in shock as the two men charge each other.  Thane kicks Garrus in the chest, pushing off the turian’s chest to flip himself backward onto his feet.  Garrus staggers back, roaring in fury.  He swipes at Thane, the force of the blow tearing of a chunk of his sleeve. 

Shepard charges Garrus, slamming down with her nova but it has no effect on either man.  Whatever was pumped into the room, it has not only made the two men want to kill each other for no reason but also has made them feel invulnerable.  Lily pulls out a loaded syringe and plunges it into Garrus’ neck.  The turian rips it away but still his eyes are black and he’s unresponsive.  This isn’t Garrus in his primal state.  It is something else. 

Thane’s biotics throw Garrus back and he slams into the wall. 

Miranda is struggling with Zarek Xenakis; the turian’s eyes are as black as Garrus’ and he is fighting his bonds.  _*Is this what the person was planning?  For Zarek and Thane to fight to the death?  Whoever it is didn’t anticipate Shepard, Garrus, and I would be along.*_   With only a tinge of regret, Miranda slams Zarek repeatedly into the wall until he falls limp.  If Zarek gets free, it will be two drugged turians against an equally drugged drell.  The turian is far easier to knock out than Garrus.  His injuries from the torture he sustained made him weaker. 

In the meantime, Shepard has been trying to stop the fight.  She’s only succeeded in getting herself thrown violently into the wall a few times. 

Thane and Garrus grapple, throwing punches and knees with abandon.  Both are bleeding but neither willing to give.  Garrus sweeps Thane’s legs but the assassin tucks and rolls gracefully, ending up on his feet once again.  Garrus has power and reach but Thane has speed and flexibility.  Garrus’ punch sends Thane flying backward.  The drell scrambles to his feet, turning and surprising Garrus with a backhanded punch.  Garrus roars and tackles Thane, using his weight to hold the drell down while he punches his head.  Thane bucks up, creating enough space to allow his legs to shove the turian straight back. 

Shepard charges again but Thane uses his biotics to throw her hard against the wall.  Thane punches Garrus but it only seems to enrage the turian.  Garrus lunges forward, tearing the drell’s armor off before he sinks his teeth into the meat of Thane’s shoulder.  Thane screams, tearing the turian off him.  He quickly batters the turian in the chest with a chain of swift, painful punches.  Miranda slams Thane into the ground and a wall before releasing him.  Garrus rushes forward, plowing over Miranda, who happens to be in his way.  Garrus puts all his might behind the punch, hitting Thane as he gets up off the floor.  The shock of the force dazes Thane further.

Miranda is knocked out cold as her head strikes the unforgiving metal wall.  Shepard picks herself off and sends a shockwave to the two men.  Both of them fly in separate directions and each hits a different wall solidly.  Lily has had enough.  One way or another she is knocking the two men out before they kill each other or her.  Not taking any chances, Shepard gathers her biotic power and slams down, the shockwave from her inferno slamming into the two men and finally knocking them both unconscious. 

Shepard sighs audibly before getting to work.  She takes her cuffs and snaps them on Garrus and takes his cuffs and snaps them on Thane.  Lily doesn’t often have to cuff people but it always better to have them and not need them, then need them and not have them.  The cuffs are unbreakable, not even a krogan in his prime could break them.  Shepard checks both men over quickly.  They are bleeding but nothing that should be life threatening.  She then checks Miranda and Zarek, neither has wounds that are bleeding heavily or dangerously. 

Lily goes to the door and starts working on the lock.  She isn’t Tali or Kasumi but she’s learned enough from the pair to be able to break the decryption.  It takes longer than Tali or Kasumi would have taken but eventually she cracks it.  Shepard has to leave the room before she can get a signal to call Joker for a pick up.  That done, she drags Thane out and then Garrus, hoping getting out of the room will prevent more of the drug from getting into their systems.  Miranda is awake by the time she goes back for Zarek.  She is a little pale but then she always is.  Together, Miranda and Shepard drag Zarek out too. 

Jack, Grunt, Jacob, Mordin, Samara, Zaeed, and Chakwas soon arrive.  Mordin and Chakwas immediately start examining Garrus and Thane.  When the two men wake, they both start struggling.  The drug is not out of their system, evident by the colors of their eyes.  Grunt and Jack hold down Garrus, while Samara and Jacob hold down Thane.  Chakwas has never seen anything like this before but then her expertise is primarily humans.  Mordin is intrigued by the state of the two men; the mad scientist in him is curious.  “Hmm…targeted toward turian and drell.  Humans immune.  Eye color changed on both.  Violent.  Driven to kill.  Violent against everyone or just each other?”  The last part is clearly a question addressed to Miranda and Shepard as he looks at them both quizzically.

“Each other.  They wanted to kill each other but didn’t mind us unless we got in the way.”

Mordin mumbles to himself as he readies two syringes.  He asks Chakwas to take some blood from both men for tests.  Mordin may not know what this drug is but he is fairly certain the drug he created years ago can counteract it.  He’s used it before on soldiers drugged with unknown substances.  The drug Mordin created is like an off switch, counteracting the effects of the unknown drug.  He doses both men quickly and efficiently.  Within seconds, the two men stop fighting and fall limp.  They will be unconscious for an hour while the drug does its work.  At Mordin’s insistence, Garrus and Thane are carefully carried back to the Normandy. 

Zarek wakes as the other two men are carried away.  His eyes still black but his struggles are quickly subdued by Miranda and Shepard.  Mordin injects him with the same drug and he too falls unconscious.  Within minutes, all three affected men are in Chakwas’ lab.  Between the two doctors, they treat the three men’s wounds.  Zarek is in the worst shape but should make a full recovery. 

Once finished, Chakwas leaves Mordin to watch over them and goes to find Shepard and Miranda.  She finds them huddled together with the others, obviously trying to find out who did this. 

Shepard asks her squad, “We need to find out who this guy is.”

Jacob says, “The only link between Thane and this guy seems to be his turian friend.  Who even knows Thane is friends with this guy?  How does Thane know the turian?”

“Thane said Zarek saved his life when he was thirteen.  I don’t know anything more than that,” Shepard says.

Miranda adds, “It was during an assassination.  Thane’s target was a radical Salarian scientist.  Zarek saved him and they’ve been friends ever since.  Thane saved Zarek’s life later.  Thane told me Zarek even offered to help find Irikah’s killer.”

“Salarian scientist, do you remember his name?” Shepard asks.

“Thane never said.”

Shepard sighs, “We’ll have to wait until Thane wakes up.”  She knows Thane’s kills aren’t going to be easy to uncover.  No sense in wasting time looking on their own; Thane should wake in an hour.

When the conversation is over, Chakwas moves forward.  She examines Miranda first and despite her protests, checks her for a concussion, which she has.  She treats her wounds and orders her to the lab to be monitored. 

“I’m fine.”

“No, you are not, Miranda.  Would you like Thane to wake up to find out his Siha has a serious brain injury because you refuse to be monitored?  Don’t you think he might blame himself?”

Miranda gives in under the guilt trip.  She knows Thane will feel guilty enough if he remembers what happened.  “Fine.”  Miranda can’t stop herself from accusing softly, “You’re evil.”

Chakwas laughs, “No, I have just learned guilt is a good motivator for stubborn soldiers.”  As Miranda leaves, she turns her attention on Shepard, who is less resisting and whose injuries are less severe.  No concussion and only minor scrapes and bruises. 

Given the okay, Shepard makes her rounds.  Once done, she goes to Chakwas’ lab.  None of the three men are awake yet.  Miranda is beside Thane, holding his hand.  Lily marvels at the soft look of love on her face.  She can’t believe this is the same woman she encountered when she awoke in the Cerberus.  The bitchy snob is gone…or at least mostly gone; it always comes out when Jack’s around.  But Miranda has transformed into a loyal, warm woman.  Miranda may think she owes the change to Shepard but Lily knows it is Thane’s love that truly made the difference.  It is with Thane’s love that Miranda has found the courage to be open and trusting with Shepard and the others on the Normandy. 

Miranda looks up; worry clear in her eyes as they meet Lily’s.  Shepard smiles reassuringly before taking her place beside Garrus.  Together they wait. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Thane and Garrus awake groaning within seconds of each other, no doubt both feeling the pain and soreness of their injuries.  Garrus opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is Lily smiling at him.  Despite the pain he’s feeling, he smiles back.  “Hi.”  Shepard’s grin widens, “Hi.”

Two beds away, Thane opens his eyes and his love is staring at him with worried eyes.  His heart warms as he sighs, “Siha.”  Miranda’s eyes sparkle with unshed tears but her smile is true, “Love.” 

Shepard asks, “What do you remember?” 

Garrus forces his tired mind to focus, “Some gas being pumped into the room and then just rage.  What happened?”

Lily answers, “We aren’t entirely sure yet but the gas did something to both you and Thane.  One minute you were both on the floor and the next you were trying to kill each other.”

With a pained grunt, Garrus turns to look at Thane.  He looks how Garrus feels but at least he is alive.

Seeing his gaze, Shepard adds wryly, “Obviously neither of you was successful.”  She giggles at the look on Garrus’ face. 

“Clearly,” Garrus says dryly.  “Hey Thane, glad to see you’re alive.”

Thane’s mouth quirks into a little smile.  “You as well, comrade.”

Miranda eyes the two men in disgust, only men would react like this after almost killing each other…well and maybe Shepard. 

Mordin enters the lab and approaches.  “Good, you’re awake.  Tested the blood.  I know who created the airborne toxin.  Chomir Izavig.”

Thane gasps.  The others look over at him.  Miranda asks, “You know him, don’t you?”  Thane explains, “Not him personally but I know the family name.  Bolass Izavig was my target when Zarek saved me.”

“This was all about revenge then, for his father’s death.  This guy can keep a serious grudge.  It’s been years.”  Shepard calls Chambers and orders her to find everything she can about Chomir Izavig. 

In the meantime, Zarek wakes disoriented and in a lot of pain.  His mind screams at his body to move, to escape wherever he is being held captive this time.  His panicking is interrupted by the soothing, familiar voice of Thane.  “Zarek, you are okay.  You are safe here.”  Zarek stops struggling.  His head turns and he can see Thane beside him; his body falls limp with relief.  “Thane.”  They all can hear the emotion packed into that single word.  “Thank the Spirits.”

Shepard tries to stifle her giggle but can’t.  The entire room looks at her like she is crazy, which only makes her laugh harder.  Among the giggling, Lily explains, “Sorry, sorry!  It’s just…I thought Garrus was the only one that said that.  Must be a turian thing.” 

Zarek notices the other turian for the first time.  His eyes flick back and forth between the turian and the human before he sees something that shocks him to his core.  The human has a bond mark, a _turian_ bond mark.  Wide-eyed he meets the turian’s gaze and Zarek can tell the turian knows that he knows.  The turian and the human are _yazanis_ , soul mates.  Zarek can’t believe it; never in all of their existence has this happened.  Not once.  Zarek wonders who this woman is and why the Spirits chose her to be the first non-turian _yazani_. 

Garrus knows that Zarek knows that Shepard is his _yazani_.  _*How quickly will this news spread through the turian community?*_   He dismisses the thought and looks at Shepard.  Garrus knows his face reflects his love of her; he makes no effort to hide it. 

Shepard finally contains herself. 

Mordin and Chakwas give the three men pain relievers, checking their wounds and eyes.  After they are done, Thane introduces Zarek to everyone.  Upon learning Shepard’s name, Zarek begins to understand why the Spirits chose her.  He’s heard of her remarkable accomplishments and if half of what they say about her is true, she is truly one of a kind. 

“It was Izavig’s son, Thane,” Zarek states. 

Thane’s head bobs in agreement.  “I know.  Mordin identified him through the gas he pumped through the room.”

Zarek says, “Twenty-five years he fed his need for revenge before acting.”

“To use a gas to make us kill each other; the ultimate revenge in his eyes,” Thane declares. 

“Except it evidently didn’t go as planned.  The man wasn’t expecting me or Shepard or Miranda.  If the toxin had affected Lily and Miranda like it did us, I doubt any of us would have made it out alive.  Well, except Shepard,” Garrus vows.  In a brawl between them all, Shepard would undoubtedly win.  They’d be fools to expect otherwise. 

Miranda and Thane don’t deny it.  Miranda is a strong biotic but compared to Shepard, she is a weakling.  Shepard ‘s biotics rival asari matriarchs. 

Shepard admits, “I suppose I should let Anderson know about this.  The Council can figure out what to do with Izavig.”  Since he tried to kill multiple races, it only makes sense for the politicians to figure out what to do with the man.  “Unless either of you object?”

Zarek and Thane stare at each other for a second before making a decision.  Neither objects. 

“Good.  It’s settled.  Now, where would you like us to take you Zarek?”  Shepard asks.

“Home.  Palaven.” 

Shepard nods before saying a quick goodbye.  She needs to let Joker know and speak to Anderson.  A part of her is dreading that conversation but Lily will do it anyway.  She finds Chambers, “I need you to connect me to Councilor Anderson.”

“Of course, Shepard.” 

“I’ll be waiting in the Communications Room.”  It doesn’t take but a few minutes before Anderson pops up.  “Anderson,” she greets him in a reserved tone.

“Shepard.”  Greetings over, David asks, “Your yeoman said you needed to speak to me?”

“Yes, one of my squad, Thane, recently received an SOS from a friend.  When we went to investigate, we were locked into a room and a gas was pumped inside.  The intent was for my squad member and his friend to kill each other.  Instead his friend was bound and unable to escape, thus unable to fight.  However, Garrus and Thane were not.  Under the influence of the gas, they attempted to kill each other.  Thankfully Miranda and I were able to knock them both unconscious.”

David marvels at how Shepard always seems to get into these types of situations and somehow gets out of them as well.  “Do you know who the perpetrator is?”

“Yes.  Chomir Izavig, a salarian scientist.  Mordin, a salarian on my squad recognized Izavig’s work.”

“Do you know where he is?”

Shepard admits, “No.  My men were wounded; my mind was on them, not the perpetrator.”

“Why bring this to me?”

Shepard shrugs, “Considering a salarian tried to kill two turians—both of them once prominent soldiers in the turian military—and a drell, with two humans that could have been collateral damage, I figured it would interest the Council.”

Anderson admits to himself it sounds like a political mess.  “Names of the victims?”

“Zarek Xenakis, Garrus Vakarian, Thane Krios, Miranda Lawson.”

He scans over Shepard, noting she has a few scrapes and bruises but nothing serious.  “Injuries?”

“Well, Miranda has a concussion.  The others are more severe.  Zarek the worst as Izavig tortured him before we arrived.  Garrus and Thane sustained injuries expected of two men getting into an all out brawl with each other.  Cuts, bruises, bite marks, etc.  I’ll have Chakwas send you a detailed list.”

David acknowledges that with a nod.  “Your squad going to be okay?”

Shepard smiles, “Yes, they’ll recover.  Could have turned out a lot differently.”

“Yes, it could have.”  David can’t help but wonder what would have happened had Garrus been seriously injured.  A vengeful Shepard is a terrifying thing to imagine. 

“I better get back,” Shepard says a little awkwardly.  Their argument stands between them.  It will take time.

“Take care of yourself, Shepard,” David says softly. 

“Always.  You do the same.”  With that, she disconnects the call. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Fieryrose00, I didn’t quite answer your question, did I? This is where the plot bunnies led me. I guess it is still a mystery. Personally, I really think it could go either way. Neither would win every time, more like Garrus would win some and Thane would win some. In the scenario I gave, a fight to the death, I’d give Garrus an edge. Drells are much softer and more vulnerable than turians are. Plus Thane’s armor vs. Garrus’, Thane may gain some speed but is seriously vulnerable to attack in his leather type light armor. Add in turian claws/teeth and a lot of rage and I give Garrus the edge. 
> 
> I haven’t fill the gaps yet for the next chapter but I will try to do so within a month. I’m pretty sure after that I’ll have a good chunk of chapters ready to be posted after a quick read through.


	22. Arrival

Shepard listens as Admiral Hackett describes the rescue mission he wants her to go on as a personal favor to him.  Of course Dr. Kenson had to be taken prisoner by batarians.  It seems Lily can never get away from batarians.  She has a very bad feeling about this mission and she has learned to trust her instincts.  Thane and Garrus are still recovering from the last mission that went bad. 

To make matters worse Hackett wants her to go alone and will deny everything if she gets caught.  Yet, Shepard knows she’ll do it.  Kenson might have important information about the Reapers and she can’t pass up the opportunity to learn more despite the risks.  After agreeing and saying goodbye to Hackett, Shepard asks Garrus come to their cabin. 

Garrus knows immediately that whatever Hackett said to Lily, he’s not going to like it.  Her face is grim and determined.  “What did he say?” 

“He wants me to rescue a friend of his.  She has information about a Reaper invasion.”

“Why you?  Why not the Alliance?”

“That’s not all.”

Vakarian almost doesn’t want to hear her answer.  “What else?”

“She’s been arrested…and is being held at a batarian outpost.  He wants me to go alone.  He says they’ll kill her if they see a squad invading their secret prison.  The Alliance cannot risk an incident by making this an official Alliance mission.  That’s why he chose me and me alone.”

“You can’t be serious!  No!  No way in hell am I letting you go into a fucking batarian prison alone!”  The second that leaves his mouth, he knows he made a mistake.  Shepard freezes and Garrus knows he is in trouble.

“Let me.  _Let_ me go?”  Lily’s voice is carefully contained but he can still hear the threat underneath the control.  “You dare think that you have a say about what I can and cannot do.”  The quiet, controlled tone is terrifying. 

“Lily, I—I didn’t mean it like that!  I just—I’m concerned about you.  I don’t want to lose you.”  Garrus’ tone is remorseful.  He is terrified to lose her. 

Lily softens, seeing the guilt in Garrus’ posture.  Deep down, she knows that Garrus didn’t mean it the way it sounded.  “I know that and I understand but I am going and I’m going alone.  If this doctor has evidence of the Reapers’ existence, then I need it.  We need it.  I can’t keep fighting them alone.  We need the Council, the governments to acknowledge that the Reapers are real.  Otherwise, how will we defeat them?”  Shepard sighs, “I know you are concerned about my safety but I can’t stop being who I am simply because you’re scared.  This is who I am, Garrus.  I risk my life every day.  Either you need to accept that and trust me or we’re done.” 

“Lily, Spirits—of course I trust you!  I trust you more than I ever have trusted a person.  I know this is who you are; I know that you will risk everything to stop the Reapers.  I love you.  I love you more than I thought I could love another person.  You mean everything to me and the thought of you going alone almost stops my heart.  Not because I think you need me to protect you but because I don’t want to lose you.  Things can happen, go wrong and I want to be there with you if that happens.  I can’t lose you again, not when I only just got you back.  I can’t, Lily.”  Garrus is terrified.  He lost her once and knowing she is his _yazani_ , he can’t bear losing her again.  She died alone once and he vows she won’t ever have to do that again.  He’ll be there right beside her; he’ll go when she goes, simple as that. 

Shepard’s shoulders lose their tension; she understands where he is coming from.  “Okay, Garrus.  I understand.  I wish you could go with me but you can’t.  I’ll be careful, I promise, okay?”

Vakarian sighs knowing this is the best she can offer.  “Okay.”  He gently pulls her to him, tenderly touching foreheads with her. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Shepard carefully and silently makes her way to Dr. Kenson.  She’d prefer going in guns blazing but she goes in stealthily for Garrus.  The less time the batarians know she’s there, the less time they have to try and kill her.  Remarkably somehow she doesn’t get spotted, maybe Shepard is getting better at the whole stealth thing.  _*Yeah right.  I got lucky.  I’d be a fool to believe otherwise.*_   Before she knows it, she and Kenson are fighting their way out and gone.  As the doctor shows her around, Lily can’t help but think this has been too easy.  Her unease grows, that feeling of doom she had before is back stronger than ever.  The second she sees the artifact, Lily knows she was right.  The scientists have been reckless with the Reaper tech and have become indoctrinated.  Biotic charge after biotic charge, bullet after bullet, she fights the indoctrinated scientists.  _*Damn the Reapers!*_   By the end of the fight, she’s out of bullets and her biotics have started to weaken from exhaustion.  Her last thought is _*Garrus is going to be so pissed at me.*_   Then, all goes dark. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Shepard wakes up groggily.  She can hear yelling in the background, something about drugs.  Lily gingerly sits up and looks at Kenson.  They have failed to keep her under.  Now, all she can do is fight her way out.  So, she does.  Shepard fights and she kills.  Yet, it isn’t enough.  Kenson succeeds in stopping her from warning the batarians.  Despite having no love for their race, Lily doesn’t wish this fate on them.  They won’t escape before she blows the relay.  They’ll all die but she has no other choice.  To save trillions, she has to sacrifice thousands.  Delaying the Reapers is vital.  Even knowing this, her heart breaks as she pushes the button.  Joker picks her up and flies out of the system with only seconds to spare.   

Garrus meets her just outside the cockpit.  He says nothing, merely opening his arms and she doesn’t hesitate.  Lily lets Garrus’ familiar embrace steady her.  She is numb and in shock.  What she had to do…  Shepard isn’t ready to deal with what happened yet.  Instead, she clings to the turian’s strong frame with a touch of desperation.  The bad feeling she had about this mission was nothing in comparison to what happened.  Lily wants to break down, to cry until she has nothing left inside her. 

“Come on, let’s have Chakwas look at you.”  Garrus puts his arm around her and helps her to the med lab.  Shepard is far too exhausted to care about appearances.  She isn’t sure she could make it without Garrus’ help anyway.

Chakwas’ examination is quick.  Shepard has minor injuries and Chakwas cleans and treats them swiftly and efficiently.  Shepard is asleep by the time she is finished.  “Why don’t you take her to her quarters?” Karin says softly.  Shepard doesn’t have a concussion and doesn’t need to be monitored.  Garrus carefully lifts his love into his arms, cradling her tenderly as he carries her to the quarters they share.  He strips her, then himself and lies down with her.  Garrus breathes in her scent of lilacs and gun oil.  He keeps telling himself that she is safe and back in his arms.  After what happened, Lily will need him in the coming days. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Hours later, Lily wakes from a nightmare.  What happened hits her like a freight train.  Her tears quickly grow into gut wrenching sobs.  Destroying the Alpha Relay took out the entire batarian system.  _She_ is responsible.  She should have done more, fought harder, faster.  Something!  Anything!  Shepard had failed and worse, thousands of innocent people died because of it. 

Lily shudders as she feels Garrus’ arms wrap around her.  Part of her believes she doesn’t deserve comfort, yet another part knows she needs it desperately.  Deep into the night, Garrus comforts her as she cries.  He doesn’t try to get her to talk.  The turian simply holds her tight as she grieves.  Many will blame her, point their accusing fingers at her but Garrus knows her.  He knows she did everything she could to warn the batarians.  Shepard’s history with the batarians is bloody and violent.  Yet, he doubts that she even once thought the batarians deserved to die.  Shepard is a paragon through and through.  She saves people; she doesn’t kill innocents.  His _yazani,_ his Lily is not a murderer. 

Shepard cries herself to sleep and is barely awake for the next two days.  Garrus hardly leaves her side, keeping silent for which Lily is grateful.  She isn’t ready to talk.

The end of the second night, Lily wakes feeling more human than she has for days.  She’s numb again, having practically cried out all the moisture in her body. 

“You did everything you could, Lily,” Garrus vows quietly.  “You are not a murderer.”  He knows she is finally ready to hear that. 

Shepard’s violet eyes are filled with sorrow.  She says tiredly, “How do you even know that, Garrus?  How can you believe that?”

Garrus cups her cheek and answers simply, “Because I know you.”

Lily closes her eyes, emotion wells in her throat.  To have Garrus believe in her unconditionally is exactly what she needs right now.  “Thank you.”  The remaining batarians will be out for her blood.  She’ll be called a murder and much worse.  But with Garrus at her side, she might just be strong enough to get through this. 

After showering, eating, and replenishing her fluids, Shepard sits down with Garrus.  Together they go over what happened, writing out her account of what happened.  Shepard hasn’t quite been able to bring herself to call Hackett yet.  She doubts he’ll be happy about what happened. 

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

**The next morning:**

Lounging on the couch, Shepard is picking at her breakfast as she stares off distractedly.  Garrus nudges her and Lily starts actually eating some of the food on her plate. 

Joker’s voice interrupts their lunch suddenly, “Admiral Hackett has come aboard.  He’s waiting for you in the medbay.”

For a brief second, Lily trembles.  A moment later, she pulls on her stoic soldier face.  It isn’t as confident as usual due to her mental and physical exhaustion but still strong enough to get her through.  Shepard stands up; stumbling for a few steps but soon gets her footing.  Garrus trails behind her just in case. 

Shepard sees Chakwas and Admiral Hackett talking in the med bay.  The conversation abruptly cuts off as she enters. 

Chakwas’ gaze goes from Shepard to Hackett before nodding firmly and exiting her lab.  Garrus follows a moment later after catching Lily’s eye.

Shepard sits down on a bed.  A purely selfish part of her simply wishes to sleep, to hide from what happened and her part in it.  But she isn’t a coward.  She is a Shepard.  The last of her family.  She has to stand tall and bravely meet her fate, whatever it may be. 

Hackett approaches, eying Shepard carefully.  She looks exhausted.  It is far too obvious Shepard has been through quite an ordeal.  And he is to blame.  _*How could this have happened?*_   Clearing his throat, Hackett says, “It sounds like you went through hell on that asteroid.  How are you feeling, Commander?”

Shepard goes rigid to prevent the flinch at the title.  _*No one calls me that any more, not from the Alliance.  I am not a Commander, not any more.*_   Shepard consciously relaxes her muscles.  “Fine, Admiral.  I’m alive and no more visions if that’s what you are asking.”  Lily looks down at her hands; she can almost see the blood on them.  A tiny shudder runs through her body.  She meets Hackett’s penetrating gaze, “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.  On the Normandy, I mean.”

“I thought a personal debrief was in order.  After all, you did this mission as a favor to me.”  His expression hardens, “That was before the Alpha Relay exploded.  What the hell happened?  I sent you to break Amanda Kenson out of prison.  And now an entire system is destroyed.  Explain to me how rescuing Kenson led to that.”

Shepard calmly stands and hands over the datapad.  “I confirmed Kenson’s proof.  The Reapers were coming.  Destroying that relay was the _only_ way to stop them.”  She stares into Hackett’s eyes.  “Unfortunately Kenson and her team were reckless with a Reaper artifact and were indoctrinated.  There were too many of them…  Kenson kept me sedated for two days.  When I woke, I restarted the engines.  There was a little more an hour left.  I tried to contact the colony, to warn them.”  Shepard shakes her head.  “Time ran out.”

“The batarians report no survivors but at least you tried.”  Hackett believes Shepard.  He may not know her personally but he knows her military career.  Shepard has time after time done everything she could to protect innocents and to prevent innocent casualties.  He turns his back, facing the door with his hands clasped behind him.  “Do you really believe the Reaper invasion was a threat?”

“Without a doubt.  We literally had minutes to spare.”  That is her only comfort.  The batarians didn’t die for nothing. 

“I’m sure all the details are in your report.”  As soon as he leaves, Hackett plans to go over her report thoroughly.  Turning around, Hackett admits, “I won’t lie to you.  The batarians will be out for blood and there is just enough evidence for a witch-hunt.  We do not want war with the batarians, not with the Reapers at the galaxy’s edge.”

Shepard leans back, a tingle of alarm running through her body.  “What do you mean?”

“You did what you did for the best of reasons but that doesn’t change the fact there were over three hundred thousand batarians in that system.  And now they are all dead.”

Guilt weighs heavily on her.  If only she had had just a little more time, perhaps she could have saved them.  But she cannot change what happened and acknowledges that she would do it again.  “They died to save trillions of lives.  If I could have saved them, you bet your ass I would have!”

“You’re preaching to the choir, Commander.  If it were up to me, I’d give you a damn medal.”  Hackett hadn’t advanced to an admiral without learning about being forced to make the hard decisions.  Shepard had a lose-lose situation: save the relay and let the Reapers invade or destroy the relay, preventing the invasion but killing thousands of batarians.  Either way, Shepard would be seen as a villain.  “Unfortunately, not everyone will see it that way.”

Pacing Shepard asks, “What do you suggest?”

“Evidence against you is shoddy at best.  But eventually you will have to go to Earth and face it.  I won’t lie to you, Commander.  I can’t stop it but I can and will make them work for it.”

Shepard feels a bit of relief.  She has a powerful ally in Admiral Hackett.  No doubt she will need him in the future.  “Is the Alliance concerned about war with the batarians?”

“We always are.  The batarians have been looking for an excuse to declare war with us since we showed up in the galaxy.  It is more important than ever to ensure that we do not go to war with the remaining batarians.  If the Reapers invade, we need the galaxy to work together.  If we’re at war with the batarians, the other races would likely be hesitant to give aid to either side.”

Shepard knows he speaks the truth.  The Reapers are an enemy that no single race can fight.  Not alone.  They will need every race, every person they can get to fight them in the coming day.  “I’ll gladly stand trial once this mission is done.”

Hackett’s lips curve slightly.  “I’m glad to see working with Cerberus hasn’t stripped away your sense of honor.”

Shepard gives a small smile in return.  Her honor is one of the most vital parts of who she is.  Without her honor, she wouldn’t be Shepard.  Changing the subject, Shepard admits, “I never thought I’d see you aboard a Cerberus vessel.”

“I don’t like Cerberus or the way they do things.  But they brought you back and are doing something about the state of the galaxy.  I can be friendly…for now.” 

Shepard quirks a smile, “I have to agree with you on that.  Cerberus…well, as long as they are fighting the Collectors I can put aside my feelings.”

“Do whatever you need to do out here.  But when Earth calls, be there in full dress blues, ready to take the hit.”  Changing his mind about the report, he hands back the datapad.  “I don’t need to read your report to know that you did the right thing.”

“Yes, sir.”

Hackett leaves, shaking his head and vowing “You did a hell of a thing, Commander.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will probably take a while as I’ll have to start from scratch. Dierdreaes has asked for another chapter of loyalty missions for my take on Garrus’ reaction to Samara’s, Zaeed’s, and/or Kasumi’s loyalty missions.


	23. Threats and Keiji’s Graybox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait; I know it has been four months. I promise I never forgot about this story. I did make several attempts to convince my muse to cooperate with this story during the break but he was stubborn.   
> luckyrogue7, hope you enjoy your requested scene between Garrus and Hackett. Dierdreaes, hope you enjoy Kasumi’s loyalty mission.

Garrus is waiting for Hackett outside the door. He watches dispassionately as the Admiral tenses. “A word, Admiral?”

Hackett scrutinizes the turian carefully before nodding curtly. He is not sure what Vakarian would want to speak to him about but from the turian’s expression, it must be important. Hackett follows the turian into the Normandy’s main battery. “What did you want to speak to me about?” he asks lightly.

Garrus not so discreetly locks the door and then turns his razor focus on Hackett. “Time after time, you thrust Shepard into danger with no thought of her life.”

Steven’s eyebrows rise, Vakarian is apparently _furious_. He opens his mouth to reply but the turian growls threateningly.

“Do you even care about her? Do you know how close she came to death today? She has already died once, are you _trying_ to tempt fate and get her killed a second time? How could you send her in ALONE?! You asked her _knowing_ she would never refuse.” Garrus paces, fury making his movements appear sharp and violent.

Hackett watches the turian curiously like one watches a tiger pacing in a cage.

“Look at what you have done, you bastard! Do you realize the weight you have added to her shoulders? The annihilation of the batarian species! She has to live with that BECAUSE OF YOU!” Garrus rants.

While his expression does not change, Hackett’s mind is buzzing. _*Vakarian loves her. Look at him. It is written all over his face.*_ A trickle of fear skitters up his spine. Love can make people dangerous. It brings out a protectiveness that can overcome all senses.

“There are enough people out there trying to kill her. Your personal rescue mission has made her a _villain!_ BECAUSE OF YOU even more will seek her blood. We NEED HER, YOU FUCKING BASTARD! Was it worth it?! WAS IT?!”

Hackett is stunned by the sight in front of him. He hasn’t had much contact with Vakarian but he knows him by reputation and through Shepard. Hackett would never have imagined that the turian would lose control in front of, hell _at_ him. Vakarian’s fury is dangerous and Steven knows it. Nonetheless, he has no intention of talking about the mission with someone outside the Alliance. “The mission is classi—”

Garrus surges forward, shoving Hackett against the wall before he can react. He pins the human with his forearm pressing painfully into Hackett’s throat. Garrus growls menacingly, baring his sharp teeth. “ _You do not understand, human. Without Shepard our universe is doomed. Completely and utterly doomed,_ ” the turian promises in a soft but eerily dangerous tone. “The Reapers are coming and _she_ is the only one that can lead us. I will not continue to allow you to risk her life needlessly for your fucking missions! If you hadn’t insisted on her going alone, all those innocent batarians may have lived.”

Hackett is remarkably unfazed on the outside considering the deadly and furious creature in front of him and the powerful arm against his neck. But inside, dread is spreading rapidly. Vakarian’s barely restrained fury has broken free. It would take only a twitch for the turian to snap his neck. “The mission was necessary. The information Dr. Kenson gathered could have been vital in fighting the Reapers.”

“ _Could_ have been? _COULD_ HAVE?! You’ve painted an even larger target on her back! They will be out for her blood with more fervor than ever before. How is Shepard supposed to fight the Reapers if she’s fighting _everyone?_ ”

“Shepard is strong, she—”

Garrus pressed down harder, cutting off Hackett’s air. “SHEPARD IS NOT INVINCIBLE!”

Choking, Hackett tries to pull Garrus’s arm from his throat but he can’t. The turian stares at him dispassionately as he struggles for breath, a shiver of deep-seated fear running through him. Vakarian seems willing to watch the life bleed from his body. Just as his vision starts to go black, Hackett is dropped and plummets to the floor like a sack of potatoes. He coughs violently and clutches his sore throat. Hackett looks up at Vakarian.

“I aim to ensure Shepard’s survival, whatever the cost. Make sure you do the same, _Admiral_ ,” Garrus threatens.

Hackett watches from the floor as Vakarian walks off without a backward glance. He closes his eyes and waits until he gets his breath back before picking himself up off the floor. Steven realizes how close he came to death and he has no doubt that Vakarian could kill him without remorse if it guaranteed Shepard’s safety and survival. Hackett straightens his uniform and walks out with his head held high. He wants off this ship.

Walking toward the Med-bay, Garrus balls his hands into fists. The burden and guilt the bastard has laid on Lily and the colossal target the last mission put on her back makes a haze of pure fury overcome him. A large part of him wants go back there and rip Hackett apart with his bare hands but he restrains himself. Hackett will not soon forget his warning and if that makes him think twice before risking Lily’s life, then it is worth it to keep him alive despite his bloodlust. Garrus takes several deep, calming breaths before walking in. Lily is staring at the floor, looking drained. “Come on, Lily. You need to rest.” The emotion in her eyes makes his heart clench painfully. She is not only tired in body but in heart and soul. When Lily stumbles, Garrus picks her up, cradling her in his arms. She is too tired to care how it looks and rests her head on his shoulder as he carries her to the quarters they share.

Neither notices Hackett’s eyes watching them leave. If he had any doubt before, he doesn’t anymore seeing Vakarian carry an exhausted Shepard. Despite all that Shepard has accomplished, she has always had a problem with trust. She trusts very few people completely. Steven remembers hearing the stories about Shepard sleeping with a wicked knife and how easily she could awaken and put that knife against someone’s throat. Seeing her, eyes closed and leaning against the turian with absolute trust is shocking. Hackett rubs his throat once more. Loving a woman like Shepard—well, he can’t blame Vakarian for reacting the way he did.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

The next few days are relatively quiet. While she never says it out loud, Shepard needs the time to recoup and get her head on straight.

Kasumi finds Garrus in the Main Battery. He is surprised when she comes in uncloaked. She finds an unhealthy enjoyment in popping out of nowhere and scaring people throughout the ship. “Kasumi,” Garrus greets.

“Garrus,” she replies, inclining her head. “How is Shep doing?”

He looks up, as always a bit disturbed by the deep shadows created by her hood. He never truly sees her eyes and considering how much someone can learn from looking at someone else’s eyes, it unbalances him a bit. Nonetheless, he knows that Kasumi cares for Shepard as all those on the Normandy do. “As well as can be expected; she’s coping.” The decimation of the batarian species is not something a person can simply shake off. No matter her history with them, Lily is crushed by the weight of batarians’ probable extinction. She blames herself and a part of her probably always will.

“Do you think she’d be up for a mission?”

Garrus is grateful that she asked him first, not that he’d admit that to Lily. He only wants to take care of her but she is Commander Lily Shepard. She’s been taking care of herself since she was sixteen. She may not need him but that won’t stop him from trying to make her life easier. It is time that someone thinks of Lily first. Everyone is too used to relying on Shepard to do the impossible that they forget that Lily isn’t immortal or invincible. She is human. People forget that she is _mortal_ but Garrus can’t. It never leaves his mind for a moment. “It might be helpful to get her mind off of things.” He has a feeling that Kasumi can relate to a degree. Her love is gone, murdered, exactly what Garrus fears will happen to Lily.

Nodding her head, Kasumi states, “Good. It is time I got Keiji’s graybox back and I need Shep’s help to do it.” Her lips curve in a bittersweet smile at the thought of her one and only love, Keiji Okuda. There are days that she doesn’t know how to go on but the thought of reuniting with him, even in memories keeps her going. Kasumi can still remember the sound of his voice, warm and fond as he called her Little Bird. She’d give everything, her last breath to feel his touch just one more time.

This isn’t the first time Garrus has heard about Keiji and his graybox. Kasumi’s primary reason for joining Shepard was getting that graybox back. Garrus sympathizes with Kasumi. If he lost Lily again—Garrus shudders at the mere thought. He cannot imagine going through that again, not after what has happened. Lily is his _yazani_ , his one and only. Living without her? No, he couldn’t do it. Without Lily, what would he have to live for? Nothing. Life would be completely meaningless with her. Garrus understands why Kasumi would be driven to regain the graybox, filled with memories of their love and life together. Keiji is gone but with the graybox—well, perhaps Kasumi wouldn’t feel as alone. “Talk to Shepard.”

Kasumi smiles and cloaks, leaving without a word.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Kasumi finds Shepard in the Medbay. At the sight of the seemingly random opening of the door, Shepard merely greets Kasumi hello, well used to her ways.

“Hi Shep,” Kasumi greets without de-cloaking.

“Are we finished, Doc?” Shepard asks Chakwas.  

Karin nods. Shepard is healing from the last disaster of a mission. Nevertheless, Chakwas is going to keep a close eye on Shepard. The pressure she is under is unrelenting and Karin fears it will only grow worse in the future.

Lily gestures vaguely to Kasumi to follow her. “Come on, Kasumi. Your room or mine?”

“Mine,” Kasumi answers. They enter her room and lock the door. Kasumi finally de-cloaks. “I need your help, Shep. It is time to get Keiji’s graybox back.”

Shepard nods in agreement, “Okay. What is the plan?” She knows how important this is to Kasumi and she will do everything she can to help her get the graybox back.

“Leave it me, Shep.”

Lily smiles at how happy Kasumi sounds. As strange as it sounds, she trusts the thief. Kasumi is loyal and Shepard values loyalty above most everything. A lack of loyalty is why she keeps Kelly at arm’s length and why she’ll drop Cerberus the instant they cease to be useful. Lily understands Kelly’s loyalty to Cerberus on an intellectual level but Kelly is essential a spy. Her job on the surface is to help Lily and the Normandy’s crew but under it all, Kelly’s job is to report to the Illusive Man. Shepard shakes herself out of her thoughts. “Are you going to tell me anything about the mission before we leave?”

“Don’t worry, Shep, I’ll tell you what you need to know.” Kasumi grins, knowing Shep isn’t going to be thrilled by the outfit she’s going to be wearing.

“Why does that not comfort me?” Shepard drawls. “I’ll leave you to it then.” Shepard wanders away, predictably finding herself at the Main Battery door. Walking in she can nearly feel the figurative weight ease from her shoulders. It has been years since she’s felt that; she’d almost forgotten how it feels to trust someone enough to share her burden. Lily hasn’t had someone like that since her family died. She does not know how she’s lived this long without it but intends on savoring it. Lily is quickly drawn to Garrus’s side.

“Hi, Love,” Garrus greets as he wraps an arm around her.

“Hi, Big Guy.”

Garrus shakes his head; ‘big guy’ seems to be Lily’s new favorite name for him. The crew seems to find it hilarious, not that Garrus cares.

He continues to work, knowing that sooner or later she will start talking. They do not speak for several minutes, the two enjoying the easy comfort between them.

“Kasumi came to me. We are going to get Keiji’s graybox back.”

Garrus makes an agreeable sound. “When are we leaving?”

“I don’t know. She hasn’t told me anything yet.”

“Let me know, okay?”

Shepard nods absentmindedly, “Sure.” Although reluctant, she realizes she should probably check in with the others. She tugs Garrus’s face down and they touch foreheads briefly, then she kisses him. Without a word, she pulls away and leaves.

Garrus watches her go, thankful to have her in his life. Lily Shepard is one of a kind and she’s his—at least for now.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

A couple of days later, EDI announces that Kasumi is waiting outside their door. With Lily’s permission, EDI unlocks the door and lets the thief in. Lily is checking her messages, while Garrus is lounging on the couch. “Hi Kasumi,” Lily greets.

She smiles genuinely at her friend. “Hi Shep,” Kasumi turns to Garrus, “morning, Garrus.”

“Morning.”

“How are things? Plans moving along?” Shepard asks.

“Yes, we should be ready tomorrow if we set course this morning. All I need is your permission and Joker will plot a course to our destination.”

Shepard wastes no time messaging Joker with her okay.

“I have your outfit ready, Shep,” Kasumi announces with a grin.

Lily eyes her suspiciously. “Why do I have a feeling I am not going to like this?” she mutters, mostly to herself.

Garrus flattens his mandibles in attempt to hide his amusement.

“Now, Shep, don’t you trust me?” Before Shepard can answer, Kasumi opens the garment bag to reveal a dress. Lily glares at her; she isn’t the dress kind of woman. Kasumi isn’t intimidated, laughing at Shepard’s displeasure. “Come on now, Shep, it isn’t the end of the world.”

“It’s a dress,” Lily pronounces, sneering distastefully at the garment. “A very short one.”

“We’re going to a society party, Shep. You can’t show up in armor, now can you? And us short girls need short dresses to make us look taller.”

Unfortunately, Shepard has to agree, at least about the necessity of a dress. It is why she only goes to fancy events when forced to. “Fine,” she bites out. Shepard takes the offensive garment bag, holding it away from her body like it has personally offended her.

Kasumi snickers but leaves without a word.

“Why do I feel like this is simply a trick to get me into a dress?” Shepard asks herself aloud.

Garrus’s mandibles twitch as he fights his amusement. “It can’t be that bad, Lily. It is just a dress.”

Lily glares at the turian. “Really, Garrus? And who is it that wears practically nothing _but_ his armor? I wonder who that could be?” Shepard inquires pointedly.

Garrus laughs. “That’s a turian thing. Besides, lots of females, human and otherwise, wear dresses. It can’t be that bad.”

“Really? Maybe I’ll get _you_ a dress and then you can tell me how it isn’t that bad. Mmh, Garrus?”

“Whoa. The universe is definitely not ready for that, Lily. Plus, I don’t have the legs for it,” Garrus declares with a turian version of a smirk. “You, however, have fantastic legs.”

Shepard laughs. “You’re something else.”

The turian smoothly rises and glides over to Shepard. He pulls her up from the chair. “You will look fantastic in the dress, Lily.”

She waves off the compliment. “I don’t care about that. The problem is I can’t move naturally in a dress. Did you notice how short and tight it is? How am I supposed to fight in that thing?” Lily asks, glaring at the offensive dress in disgust. “I’d be better off tearing the thing off and fighting in my underwear!”

Garrus laughs at the image, easily picturing Shepard stripping the dress off without a care and battling barely clothed. “Let’s try to avoid that,” he says sardonically, his mandibles fluttering in amusement.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

The next day, they arrive at the drop off point. “We’ll take a cab from here. Hock isn’t an idiot and would notice a ship as famous as the Normandy dropping us off. The shuttle is out too, for the same reason,” Kasumi explains. “Why don’t you get dressed?”

Shepard still is not sold on the whole dress thing but grudgingly goes off to put the blasted thing on. She tugs the tight dress on, sniffing distastefully at the fit. Looking at herself in the mirror, Lily scoffs at her reflection. Sighing, she rolls her shoulders and pulls on a dignified and comfortable front. The women that go to society parties are at ease in dresses and she will look out of place if she appears uncomfortable in her own skin. Shepard turns as the door to her quarters opens and Miranda walks in.

“Looking good, Shepard,” Miranda compliments her.

Despite wanting to mutter under her breath, she accepts the compliment with a dip of her head and a smile.

Miranda grins, knowing that under her mask, Shepard is miserable. “Let’s do the finishing touches and you’ll be ready. I’ll make it painless, I promise.”

Resigned, Shepard sits in her desk chair. “Have at it.” Miranda combs her hair out thoroughly. She pins up most of Shepard’s hair to get it out of the way and begins braiding. One side down, she does the same to the other. The two braids wrap around her head like a low crown, while the rest of her hair is gathered loosely behind her head. It’s an effortlessly elegant hairstyle. Satisfied, Miranda starts on Shepard’s makeup. Lily never wears makeup; she’s beautiful without any, her ever present confidence serves to enhance her natural beauty. Miranda gives her a dramatic smoky eye to highlight her unique violet eyes while keeping her lips subtle. A bit of blush and Shepard is finished.

“Done. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” Miranda teases.

Shepard rolls her eyes. “Ha ha.”

“You look hot, Shepard.”

Lily laughs. “Sure,” she responds, doubt clear in her voice.

“No, really. You are a knockout!”

Shepard shakes her head but goes into the bathroom to check herself out in the mirror. Her eyes widen in surprise, she does look hot. The makeup hasn’t made her into another person as it sometimes can but merely enhanced her natural looks. The hairstyle is flattering and shows off her flawless skin. Her violet eyes sparkle brightly, full of light and intelligence. “Wow.”

Miranda stands beside her and meets her eyes in the mirror. “Looking like that, you’ll have men and women falling at your feet.”

Shepard quirks an eyebrow, saying, “I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” She stares at her appearance, unsure whether she likes what she sees or not. This isn’t how she sees herself. Admittedly, she rarely thinks about her appearance. Shepard knows that others find her appealing to look at but all she normally sees when she looks at herself in the mirror is herself. Nothing less and nothing more.

“Garrus will be drooling.”

Lily wrinkles her nose at that, wondering to herself if Garrus will suddenly want her to look like this all the time.

“This is how Garrus always sees you. You are always beautiful to him,” Miranda states.

The comment is far too perceptively for Shepard’s comfort.

At Shepard’s skeptical expression, Miranda promises, “Garrus won’t be surprised by how good you look. Trust me, Shepard, I have seen how he looks at you.”

“Like Thane looks at you?”

Miranda absolutely does not blush. “Perhaps,” she answers simply.

Shepard smirks at the blush on Miranda’s pale cheeks but says nothing.

The moment the elevator doors open, Shepard is barraged with wolf whistles from her crew, which she ignores as she meets Garrus’s eyes. Like Miranda promised, he doesn’t look shocked. Pleased, yes, but not surprised. “You look beautiful, Lily.” Shepard smiles and accepts the hug he offers. For her ears only, Garrus says, “Be safe, Lily.” He isn’t happy to be left out of this mission or the fact that it will be merely Kasumi and Shepard alone but there is little he can do. He can’t forbid her to go, trying that once made that abundantly clear.

“Always,” Shepard vows. She eases back, accepting the ribbing and catcalls from her crew at her atypically fancy appearance for several minutes before getting back to business.

Garrus does not want to let her go without him at her back. He gently pushes the high collar of the dress aside, stroking the mark he’d made near her neck. Lily locks eyes with him, a wealth of information wordlessly flowing between them. Finally, Shepard breaks eye contact. “Ready, Kasumi?” Shepard asks, despite not being able to see the master thief.

Kasumi uncloaks, answering confidently, “Yes.” Instead of her normal attire, Kasumi is wearing a classy sleeveless white dress with a fashionable hood. Kasumi spins slowly, showing off the expanse of skin showing at the small of her back. Her dress is the same length as Shepard’s, the expanse of bare leg making them both look taller. Kasumi smirks at Shepard’s surprised reaction. “What did you expect, Shep? That I’d give you a dress but wear my armor? It’s a posh party; they’d never let me in wearing armor, no matter how flattering.”

Shepard has to admit, she had been expecting Kasumi to be wearing armor. She’s glad to be wrong. “You look good, Kasumi.”

“As do you. You should wear this stuff more often, Shep,” Kasumi suggests, “it looks good on you.”

Shepard is quick to answer, “I’d rather not. A tight dress isn’t high on my list of wardrobes to be wearing in a firefight.”

“It can be done,” Kasumi states.

“Yeah, but can it be done without exposing yourself to the enemy?”

Kasumi points out, “The added distraction could be a bonus.”

Jacob mutters, “It’d distract me,” then flushes red when he realizes he said that out loud.

The crew laughs at Jacob’s embarrassment even as they agree it would be an effective distraction.

Shepard shakes her head, “I’d rather not be forced to find out. Are you ready?”

Kasumi smiles, “Yes.” She has been waiting for this day for too long. Keiji’s graybox will soon be in her possession.

In the cab, Kasumi fills Shepard in on the details. Her false identity will be Alison Gunn. Shepard laughs at the name. “Gunn, really?”

Kasumi grins, “Poetic, isn’t it? For stealing from an arms dealer? I think Keiji would approve.”

Shepard grins back. “I am sure he would.”

Both of their armors and weapons will be stashed in the Saren statue. No one would ever expect Shepard to be the one coming with the gift of a Saren statue. She wonders what secret Keiji uncovered; clearly one big enough that they killed him over it.

Shepard’s first impression of Hock isn’t great but she expected nothing else considering what kind of man he is. She isn’t as surprised as Kasumi is when he bars the thief entry. He didn’t get where he is by ignoring instinct. Hock at least knows ‘Alison Gunn’ by reputation, whereas Gunn’s companion is a complete mystery. He expects Gunn to be dangerous but as she is supposedly like him, that danger wouldn’t be as alarming as the mystery of Gunn’s companion.

This may not have been Kasumi’s original plan but they can easily adapt. Shepard walks around the party, smiling on the inside as a woman scoffs that people believe Commander Shepard might still be alive, her male companion practically calling them naive idiots for believing such a fairytale. If they only knew the woman standing a foot away was the definitely not dead Commander Shepard.

Her ears twitch as the mention of Archangel, listening as the man declares he’s dead or at the very least gone. The relief at Archangel’s abrupt disappearance is barely distinguishable but Shepard sees it. Smirking in her mind, she knows Garrus will be pleased to hear his alter ego is stilled feared. Lily is proud of Archangel’s accomplishments. He couldn’t be bought and no doubt would have fought to his last breath. Garrus made a skilled vigilante. Imagine what the guests would say if they knew the truth? That Archangel is alive and well, same as Shepard, and the pair of them are not only fighting the good fight together but intimately involved. The shock would almost make the risk worth it. Yet, Shepard does nothing more than briefly touch her neck where Garrus’s teeth is marked upon her skin.

Shepard finishes walking the layout of the open areas. Without hesitation, she walks down the stairs to the vault. Kasumi uncloaks and checks out the security measures. Shepard isn’t surprised when Kasumi declares the measure impenetrable with one breath while confidently proclaiming she can crack them with no issue in the next.

Shepard goes back upstairs, approaching Hock confidently. It isn’t hard to play him. She doesn’t drop character, even when Hock talks about how important his—and her role—is in the universe. The guests applaud Hock’s speech like he said something brilliant and life changing. It’s idiotic but these people have a skewed view of the universe.

Next, Kasumi unlocks the security door and they make short work on the two guards. Shepard is pleased that despite the restrictive dress, she can still enact a powerful biotic charge. “Now this is more like it!” Shepard cheers with a happy grin.

Kasumi laughs at her, “You find too much enjoyment in fighting.”

“Why do it if you don’t enjoy it?” Shepard insists. Done here, they move on. Shepard gets past the guard at Hock’s bedroom door with Kasumi’s help. Together, they search for Hock’s DNA. Hock appears obsessed with Keiji’s graybox and he hasn’t even broken the encryption yet. Within minutes, Shepard has Hock’s DNA and Kasumi has taken out the barrier. They open the vault with greater ease than Hock probably would think possible. The two women quickly remove their dresses and don their far more familiar armor. Shepard grins as she grabs her favorite shotgun. Kasumi alters the security cameras, erasing their presence.

The master thief can feel excitement building. Finally she will have Keiji’s graybox. The secret that got him killed is important but the memories of them together are far more valuable in her eyes.

Exiting the elevator, Shepard shakes her head at the first sight of Hock’s vault. He certainly has eclectic tastes in art. She doesn’t understand the appeal for many of the pieces but Kasumi seems to be impressed. Shepard will have to tease Garrus about the turian ‘art’ she spots in the vault. Expensive apparently. Personally, she isn’t sure it is truly art. But what does she know? People continue to pay exorbitant amounts of credits for a single line on a canvas or a pile of junk soldered together. It’s truly baffling but then pretentiously wealthy people do the craziest things.

They find the graybox. It looks so unassuming but the secrets it hides are invaluable. Kasumi scans it with her omni-tool.

Suddenly, Hock’s face pops up. He calls Kasumi by name, saying he suspected that was her at the door. Shepard rolls her eyes at his threats. She cuts him off easily, all it takes it a single bullet to one of his irreplaceable artifacts. It’s rather sweet to hear him scream no as it shatters.

“KILL THEM!” Hock growls.

The closely knit group of mercenaries enters, Shepard cackles as she shocks them with her arc projector heavy weapon. The flash grenades are annoying but Shepard ensures she isn’t blinded by them. She and Kasumi pick them off one by one. Chief Roe is a worthy opponent but she’s Commander Shepard. She is feared for a reason.

Moving on, Shepard groans at the sight of the large mech. She hates those fuckers. Tech isn’t her strong suit. The gunfight is tedious but eventually she destroys it. Spotting another one not too long after makes her swear but Shepard grits her teeth and systematically destroys the second mech. Moving on, Shepard prepares to fight another wave, grinning as an asari vanguard pops out. She enjoys fighting against the supposedly most natural and powerful biotic species. She may be merely human but her biotic power is strong enough to match that of an asari matriarch.

Kasumi snickers as Shepard trash talks with the asari vanguard. If only the asari knew who she was really fighting. Alison Gunn may not be a fearsome opponent but Commander Shepard definitely is.

Defeating her, Shepard shouts, “That all you got, Hock?!”

The arms dealer snarls, having heard the challenge. “I am coming for you myself, Gunn!”

“Bring it!” Shepard dares with a grin. They fight through another group with relative ease. Exiting to the helipad, Hock finally shows himself. Shepard dives behind cover, laughing at Hock. “Couldn’t even face us, hiding behind his gunship like a coward,” she mutters aloud.

Kasumi and Shepard dive into the fight. The thief giggles to herself, “Garrus is going to be _so_ pissed when he finds out about this.”

Suddenly, Garrus’s voice comes over their comm. “Oh, I am, Kasumi. See why I didn’t want to you to go without backup?”

Shepard scoffs, “Pssht, I have Kasumi.”

Garrus drawls sarcastically, “You two are fighting a _ship_.”

“Not a big one,” Shepard offers.

Garrus rubs the marks on his face. “Do I need to remind you what happened the _last_ time we fought a ship?”

Shepard chuckles. “I promise not to get shot in the face. I know how you like my pretty face,” she teases.

“You are going to be the death of me, you know that?”

While Kasumi enjoys the banter, she needs Shepard’s full focus. “Hey Shep, not to interrupt but we are fighting a ship.”

Shepard grins, “Course I know that, Kasumi! Gotta go, Babe, you can yell at me after we defeat Hock.”

The ship’s shields are a problem and despite whittling it down to nothing, Hock simply disappears for a time and comes back with full shields. Kasumi declares she can take out the shields if she can get close enough.

Eventually, Kasumi has her opportunity. Shepard watches with a bit of awe, Kasumi moves like a skilled acrobat. Shields down, they hammer at the ship’s armor. The endless number of mercs is annoying but they deal. It is only a matter of time before Hock’s ship explodes. He won’t be coming after Kasumi again. Quickly they salvage everything they can and jump aboard the shuttle.

On the shuttle back to the Normandy, Kasumi opens the graybox. Seeing Keiji again is bittersweet, looking alive and _here_ despite the knowledge that he isn’t. Even as he warns her to destroy the graybox, she knows she can’t. The memories of Keiji, of _them_ are worth the risk. She cannot destroy them. Exiting from the memory, Kasumi fills Shepard in on what Keiji said.

“Sounds like he knew you well.”

Kasumi smiles, agreeing, “He did, better than anyone ever has or will again.” She may flirt with Jacob and lust for his body but he isn’t Keiji. She will love no one else like Keiji.

“You can’t destroy the secret without destroying the memories, right?”

She shakes her head, proclaiming, “Keiji was too good.”

Shepard looks at her friend, guessing what Kasumi wants to do. “Are you sure? Living in your memories of Keiji isn’t truly living. You know this isn’t what Keiji wanted.”

Kasumi meets Shepard’s gaze unflinchingly. “Then he shouldn’t have died and left me alone,” she declares.

Shepard still isn’t sure this is the right thing to do. She understands to a degree in the way only someone who has gone through something similar can, Kasumi’s need to cling to Keiji’s memory. Is it healthy? Probably not but Shepard cannot deny Kasumi this small comfort. “Keep it.”

Kasumi smiles in response. Shep may be unsure whether or not keeping the graybox is a good idea but still she gave her blessing. That means a lot.

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Kasumi does nothing more than smile at the others, shuffling to her room with Keiji’s graybox clutched in her hands.

Garrus watches her go. As she disappears, he turns to Lily. Spirits, it is good to see her back on the Normandy safe and sound. He pulls her close; the familiar weight of her in his arms is a great assurance. “No more fighting gunships, Lily. Especially without me.”

Smirking into his shoulder, “I’m fine.” She pulls back, declaring teasingly as she turns her head side to side, “See, rocket free.”

“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

Lily answers cheekily, “Nope!”

Joker breaks the moment, butting in, “You did take a rocket, to the _face_ , Vakarian! And you can’t even tell!”

Garrus shakes his head; he’s never met another like Joker, which he admits is probably a good thing.

“No more dress, huh, Shepard?” Joker asks.

“Why, do you want it? ‘Cause I’ll give it to you. I bet it’d look great on you.” Shepard jokes slyly. The image of Joker in a dress is _hilarious_.

Jack cackles, “I’d _pay_ to see that!”

Jacob doubles over in laughter, choking out, “Me too!”

“Count me in,” Miranda adds.

Joker glares at the crew. He can’t believe this turned around to him in a dress! “Not gonna happen.” Joker’s lips curve into a smile and he boasts, “The universe isn’t ready for the awesomeness of these sexy, cripple legs.”

Laughter fills the room, easy and comfortable. Even though the crew is almost all new to each other, the group has bonded. Every single one of them has been outcasts at some point in their lives and they recognize kindred spirits in one another.

Shepard fills the group in briefly on the mission before she and Garrus go to their quarters. She strips her armor off, changing into comfortable civvies. They settle on the couch with Lily half in Garrus’s lap, both of them needing the closeness. Then Lily tells Garrus about the graybox and the message Keiji left for Kasumi. “I’m not sure if I did the right thing for Kasumi. Is it really best that she clings to the memories of Keiji? Will she stop living in the present because she’s too busy living in the past?”

Garrus understands why Lily is uncertain but he also understands Kasumi’s desire to keep those precious memories. “Keeping Keiji’s graybox may be what Kasumi needs. She loved him and now he’s gone. She wasn’t moving on even without the graybox.”

Lily hadn’t thought of it like that before. Sure, Kasumi ogles Jacob, but the flirting is surface only. There is nothing more than basic lust and admiration for a fit and attractive man. Regardless of her attraction to Jacob, Kasumi wasn’t moving on. She wasn’t before she got his graybox back and likely she won’t after. Keiji’s death changed her irrevocably. That isn’t going to change.

Garrus hopes the graybox will give Kasumi at the very least a bit of happiness. They cannot bring Keiji back, no matter how much they wish they could. Keiji is gone. In the end, Garrus knows that Keiji was Kasumi’s soul mate, the human version of a _yazani_. He cannot fault her for reacting as she has. The person that makes her whole is gone and there is nothing any of them can do to change that.

Lily turns pensive. She can sympathize with Kasumi. Losing Leeloo, her twin, is something she has never completely recovered from. It doesn’t matter how many years ago it happened, Lily still feels the emptiness inside her that can only be filled by her twin. It might not be exactly what Kasumi is going through but she understands. “If I had memories of my family, I couldn’t destroy them either.” Lily’s grip tightens on Garrus as she declares, “If I could see my family on last time, see _Leeloo_.” She doesn’t even have a photo of them. Garrus hugs her closer at the waver in her voice. “Even after all this time, I still feel an emptiness that used to be filled by Leeloo,” Lily admits.

Garrus’s heart clenches and he fervently wishes he could take that feeling away from her.

“I felt alone since them. At least, until you,” she whispers almost too softly to be heard. It is hard to admit, even to herself much less Garrus, how important he is to her.

He dips her face up and confesses, “I have never trusted anyone more than you, Lily. No one. I need you in my life, always, in whatever capacity you allow.” Garrus wants to say more, to tell her exactly who she is to him but the words are stuck in his throat. The omission chokes him, yet, he cannot force the words out.

Lily stares into his blue eyes, vowing, “You slipped under my guard, Garrus. I trust you like I trusted no one except Leeloo. I don’t ever want to lose you. Even if—,” her voice softens significantly, “even if this thing between us doesn’t work out.” Lily fears losing Garrus with a fervor that scares her. Garrus is her best friend, her most loyal companion, and most recently, her love. She cannot lose him. Lily doesn’t want to consider that the intimate love between them could fade.

“Never,” he promises. “Even if—” Garrus cannot say it. The mere thought of Lily wanting to break things off is akin to his heart being ripped out. “I will always be by your side, Reapers couldn’t tear me away.”

Lily caresses his face and then lays her head on his shoulder. Her mind goes to Kasumi and imagines herself in Kasumi’s place. She would cling as tightly as Kasumi is if she lost Garrus. He is her rock and the thought of losing him takes her breath away.

Garrus’s thoughts are on a similar plane. Turians rarely live long without their _yazanis_ ; the link between them is absolute. _Yazanis_ become like the air they breathe. He doubts even a graybox filled with memories could keep him alive if Lily died. He is bound to her irrevocably even if she isn’t bound to him. Garrus is hers for always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbeta’d, feel free to let me know if you spot something I missed. If anyone wants to volunteer to beta this story, let me know. My regular beta hasn’t played this game series and I don’t know if she’d be up to jumping into the complex Mass Effect world. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the long chapter after such a long break. Next, I hope to tackle Samara’s and Zaeed’s or possibly Tali’s. After that I still have some rather large gaps to fill: Legion’s recruitment and loyalty mission and the suicide mission. Once that is finished, I should have a good chunk nearly ready to post. Let me know if you have anything else you’d like to see.


	24. Tali and Treason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Thoughts (which should be the only first person parts, let me know if you spot any others) are in italics and surrounded by asterisks.
> 
> A special thanks to Credete for beta’ing this.

The following missions are eerily stress-free. Instead of making her feel more relaxed, it makes Shepard more tense and ready for the floor to drop out from underneath them. Unfortunately, her instincts are correct.

Heading to the cockpit to talk to Joker, Lily is stopped by Chambers. “Shepard.”

Looking up at her, Lily takes note of the distressed expression on her face. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Tali. She received a message and became extremely distraught.”

Her mind flashing over what could have happened, Shepard mutters a thanks and heads down to Tali. The moment she spots her, Lily knows something is truly wrong. “Tali.”

Tali startles and whips around sharply at the sound of Shepard’s voice. “Shepard.”

“What happened?”

“I-I’ve been accused of treason. I have to go back to the Flotilla for my trial. Shepard, if I am convicted I’ll be exiled. I will never be allowed to return to my home, my people.” Tali’s voice reveals her fear at the thought of being forever separated from her people. “How could this have happened?”

The anguish in Tali’s voice is heartbreaking. Shepard pulls her friend into a hug and vows, “I don’t know but I promise we will find out. We both know you are innocent. You would never betray your people.” Lily cannot understand how anyone that knows Tali could doubt her. She is absolutely dedicated to the quarian people, she’d never betray them.

Tali clings desperately to Shepard. The thought of exile terrifies her. She is a quarian and her life’s purpose is to help her people. Without that, who is she?

“We will figure it out. I promise I won’t rest until your innocence is proven.”

Behind her mask, Tali closes her eyes tight. Her friend, her trusted friend has vowed not to quit until she’s proven innocent. With Shepard on her side, there is hope. “Thank you, my friend.”

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Unsurprisingly, Garrus is the first to volunteer to go with Tali and Shepard to the Flotilla. He and Tali have been friends since the beginning and he has her back a hundred percent. Tali committing treason is both laughable and utterly tragic. Tali is absolutely dedicated to her people and she could not and would not betray them.

Shepard wastes no time in plotting a course to the Flotilla via Tali. She wants this situation resolved as quickly as possible. As they approach, Tali requests permission to dock.

The quarian traffic controller cites that their ship is flagged as Cerberus, never a good thing to a quarian. Shepard hopes her ties to Cerberus, temporary as they may be, won’t be another strike against Tali.

Tali is not fazed, reciting calmly, “After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began.”

The code phrase given, the traffic controller grants them permission to dock. They step off the moment the Normandy docks, entering the quarantine room. Through the window Shepard can see the ship being cleaned. She, Garrus, and Tali stand still as their armor is thoroughly cleansed. Quarians can never be too careful.  Afterward, they are allowed to enter. Lily is rather intrigued to see the inside of the Flotilla, never having been inside it before. This is where Tali is from and where she will one day return, unless she’s exiled of course. Shepard hopes it won’t come to that. She isn’t sure Tali would survive that, emotionally at least. 

They are greeted by a male quarian, his armor different from the others around him, which Shepard hypothesizes makes him higher in rank.

“Shepard, this is Captain Kar’Danna,” Tali introduces.

Lily’s heard his name before, Tali talks about him from time to time.

“Captain Shepard. Tali'Zorah told me a lot about you. I wish we could be meeting under more pleasant circumstances."

Lily admits dryly, “I never reached the rank of Captain. Technically, I'm no longer in the Alliance military at all.” Kaidan made that clear enough. “Shepard is sufficient.”

Kar’Danna doesn’t appear daunted. “You command the Normandy. The lives aboard it are your responsibility, that entitles you respect among my people.” He isn’t about to disrespect Tali’s captain; she may be the only thing standing between Tali and banishment. 

Shepard thinks of her human ‘friends’ and their reaction. Anderson was at least respectful enough, if not exactly friendly or trusting. Kaidan, he was neither respectful nor trusting. Strange that a quarian that doesn’t know her has more respect for her than those that once knew her. Shepard can’t help but feel a bit bitter at that. 

“May you stand between your crew and harm as you lead them through the empty quarters of the stars.”

Shepard is used to standing between danger and those around her. She’s willing to die to protect others and she did die to save Joker. Lily would do it again, even if it means she stayed dead this time.  

“Keelah se'lai.” Turning to Shepard, Tali explains, “It's an old ship-captain's blessing, Shepard.”

“I’m honored, thank you.” She looks over at her friend. “Tali helped the Normandy's crew out of many difficult situations. I am here to return the favor.” Tali has been a loyal friend and Lily cannot desert her in her time of need.  _ *Unlike some people, i.e. one Kaidan Alenko,* _ Lily thinks sarcastically, then scolds herself,  _ *Stop thinking about him. He isn’t worth it.* _

Kar’Danna inclines his head. “I understand. As the commander of the vessel she serves on, your voice carries weight.” Hopefully, Shepard’s voice will be enough. “If I could, I would do more, Tali. However, the trial demands that I be officially neutral. Nevertheless, I am here if you need to talk.”

“I appreciate it, Kar.”

He takes a deep breath before declaring, “They're charging you with bringing active geth into the Fleet as part of a secret project.” Kar knows Tali’s reaction will be intense, with ample reason.

Tali is shocked. “WHAT? I would never **—** that's completely insane! I never brought active geth aboard. I  _ would  _ never. All I sent were parts and pieces. I would never risk sending a live geth.”

Despite the quarian-geth war and all the emotional shit that comes with it, Lily has a hard time believing Tali would be that irresponsible. “You sent geth materials back to the Migrant Fleet?”

Tali nods her head. “My father… He needed the materials for a project he’s working on.”

Shepard understands why Tali was eager to help. Tali’s relationship with her father is complicated to say the least.

Tali stares off in thought. “If I sent something that was only damaged, not permanently inactive...” She shakes her head violently. “No. No, I checked everything. I was careful.”

“I’m certain you were,” Garrus says, laying a hand on Tali’s shoulder.

Kar’Danna notices Garrus for the first time before inclining his head in greeting. Tali had told him about Garrus Vakarian as well. He, too, was on the original Normandy. Turning back to Tali, Kar’Danna states, “Technically, I'm under orders to place Tali'Zorah under arrest pending the hearing. So, Tali... You're confined to this ship until this trial is over.”

Tali is grateful for his kindness, no doubt others would have slapped cuffs onto her wrists to add to her humiliation. “Thank you, Captain.”

“Preparations got underway as soon as you arrived. The hearing's being held in the garden plaza. Good luck.” Kar can only hope Tali somehow escapes this trial with her life, reputation, and quarian status intact.

Lily doesn’t know what to say to Tali and keeps silent as they walk down the hallway. The voices echo easily, none of the quarians seem shy about voicing their opinions within earshot. They can clearly hear a quarian expressing disbelief at Tali being charged with treason while another declares that without a quarian captain to stand for her, Tali is as good as convicted. Shepard sneaks a peek at her friend from the corner of her eye, trying to determine her reaction. Tali is still and quiet and without being able to see her face, Shepard cannot read her.

Up ahead is another quarian, clearly waiting for them.

The woman greets formally, “Tali’Zorah vas Normandy. It’s good you’ve come. I have done my best to delay them.”

Tali appears genuinely happy to see the other quarian, more so than Kar’Danna. She hugs her, greeting enthusiastically, "Auntie Raan!”

Shepard and Garrus watch silently. It’s a bittersweet sight. Tali should be visiting the Flotilla and her aunt because she chose to, not because she’s on trial for treason. She could be exiled and never again see the Flotilla or live among her people. Lily cannot allow that to happen. Tali lives for her people.

Tali reluctantly releases her aunt, fighting the urge to hide in Raan’s embrace like she had as a child. “Shepard, Garrus, this is Admiral Shala'Raan vas Tonbay. She's a friend of my father's.” Stopping suddenly, Tali’s stomach drops as she realizes something important. “Wait. Raan, you called me vas Normandy."

With regret, Raan confirms, “I'm afraid I did, Tali. The Admiralty Board moved to have you tried under that name, given your departure from the Neema.” Raan’s heart still aches at the name change, having a human captain instead of a quarian one does not bode well for Tali.

“That’s significant, isn’t it?” Shepard questions, a feeling of dread forming in her gut.

Tali turns her face away while Raan clears her throat uncomfortably.

She wonders how bad this name change thing is. Confusion and fear churn inside her. Lily glances over at Garrus and she reads the same thing in his eyes. A tense silence follows and neither quarian answers her question. “As an admiral, will you be one of the judges for the trial?”

“No, I had to recuse myself as a result of my history with Tali and her father.”

“I imagine Father had to do the same,” Tali murmurs. She has to stop herself from looking around for her father. She wishes he was here instead of Raan to explain how this could have happened. She sent the parts to him, not to Raan. He should be here. Tali doesn’t expect comfort from him but a bit of support would be appreciated.

At times like these, Shepard wishes quarian helmets were less opaque. Being incapable of seeing any facial expressions makes it more challenging to read quarians. Despite the difficulty, the signs are not good. At Tali’s comment, Lily notices Raan shifting her hips slightly and her fingers twitching. Shepard’s stomach tightens.  _ *Why is Raan here instead of Tali’s father? Has something happened to him?* _ She knows Tali and her father have issues but he should be here. She’s on trial because of what she sent to him. 

Finally, Raan answers Tali. “Please, go inside, Tali. I cannot say more.”

“But you can help Tali, right?” Shepard asks.

“I can moderate and ensure protocol is followed but I cannot participate in the judgment.”

Shepard nods, understanding why she’s restricted. She looks over at Tali and wants nothing more than to get her friend exonerated immediately. “We should go in. This misunderstanding needs to be cleared up as soon as possible. How will this work? Does Tali have a defense counselor, someone that speaks for her side?”

“She does,” Raan answers simply.

Lily can feel the intensity of Raan’s gaze, despite not being able to truly see her eyes. It makes her very nervous. “Who?”

“You, Captain Shepard. Tali is part of your crew, now, recognized by quarian law. An accused is always represented by his or her ship’s captain.”

Shepard curses in her mind.  _ *Shit.* _

Tali clears her throat awkwardly. “That means, er…  _ You _ would speak for my defense.”

_ *Of course it does. That’s why her name change is significant.* _ She does not feel qualified for this. Shepard attempts to smile reassuringly. “I will do everything in my power to help you, Tali.” She’s nervous, despite being known as having a silver tongue. This is Tali’s future, her happiness, her freedom, her life, her everything, and all of it rests on Lily’s shoulders. Unlike many of her other battles, if she fails, she has no back-up plan. She can’t just use her biotics to get Tali out of this. Her only weapons are her mind and her words. 

Tali exhales audibly, deeply relieved to have Shepard on her side. The counsel may have thought forcing Shepard to defend her would guarantee her exile but Tali has faith in Shepard. She has talked her way out of seemingly impossible situations. Shepard has a silver tongue and having that on her side cannot hurt her. “Thank you, Shepard. I could not ask for a better counselor to represent me.”

Raan hopes Captain Shepard is worthy of Tali’s faith, for her life is in her hands. “Our legal rules are simple. No legal tricks or political loopholes for you to worry about. Present the truth as best you can. That will have to be enough. Now we must go; I promised not to delay you.”

Tali follows after Raan. Lily looks over at Garrus, who discreetly squeezes her hand. “You can do this, Lily.”

“I hope so. This is Tali’s future, her life. If she is exiled, I don’t know what she will do. She lives to serve her people.”

“I know.” He isn’t much of turian, himself. He has pride in being a turian but he can’t relate to Tali in how she sees her people. She lives and breathes for the quarian people. Stripping that part of her away will have disastrous consequences. Her spirit would be crushed. “But no one will defend her with as much fervor as you will. You will fight for her with everything you have, like you always do. You can do this.”

Lily exhales shakily, centering herself before straightening her spine and marching forward determinedly. The Conclave is already set up with Admiral Raan in the middle. As Shepard and Tali take their places and Garrus stands off to the side, Raan officially brings the Conclave to order.

"The accused Tali'Zorah vas Normandy has come with her captain to defend herself against the charge of treason."

Admiral Koris roars, "Objection! A human has no business at a hearing involving such sensitive military matters!"

Not intimidated in the least, Raan challenges dryly, "Then you should not have declared Tali crew of the Normandy, Admiral Koris. By right as Tali's captain, Shepard must stay."

Shepard ducks her head and turns away to hide her smirk. They made a huge mistake in changing Tali’s name and Lily is going to make sure they regret it immensely.

"Objection withdrawn," Koris murmurs reluctantly.

Raan questions, “Shepard vas Normandy, your crew member Tali'Zorah vas Normandy stands accused of treason. Will you speak for her?”

Shepard looks over at her friend. She stands proud and declares, “To help Tali, I will. But in her heart, she remains Tali'Zorah vas Neema, a proud member of the Migrant Fleet. I regret that her captain is forbidden to stand at her side today.” Lily stares each of the Admirals in the mask. They are responsible and now, it is time they begin to rue what they have done to Tali.

Koris denies vehemently, “Nobody has been forbidden from anything! It is a simple—”

Admiral Gerrel, however, refuses to keep silent, “Lie to them if you must, Zaal'Koris, but don't lie to me and expect me to stay silent! The human is right!”

_ *Damn straight, I’m right.*  _ The quarians have underestimated her. She may not know the politics and such of the quarian people but she is intelligent enough to realize that the Conclave is attempting to railroad Tali. Shepard won’t let that happen. She will fight for Tali. Whatever it takes, she’ll do. Lily will win this for Tali, she will accept nothing else. No doubt Tali’s heart aches by the Admirals’ behavior; the Conclave not only changed her name but did so to set her up for conviction. They want her found guilty of treason and Tali has to know that. Shepard glances over at her friend, who has her fingers clutched tight, but they relax as Lily smiles reassuringly at her. Shepard can feel the weight of Tali’s faith in her. She prays she will live up to it, for the thought of being exiled from the Migrant Fleet must be too excruciating to imagine and knowing that some of her own people have attempted to set her up for exile purposely has to be all the more gut-wrenching.

Raan stops the argument. “Admirals, please, Shepard's willingness to represent Tali'Zorah in this hearing is appreciated.” She’s thankful for Captain Shepard. Her niece is in a lot of trouble and she can only hope that she is as good as Tali believes her to be. “Tali, you are accused of bringing active geth to the Migrant Fleet. What say you?”

Shepard doesn’t hesitate. “Tali would never endanger the Migrant Fleet. She pleads not guilty.”

“I left parts and technology for teams to pick up. My father ordered me to do so. But I would never send active geth to the Fleet! Everything I sent was disabled and harmless!” Tali vows. She’s obsessive about safety procedures. She checks and rechecks. An active geth could not have slipped her notice.

Koris sneers, “Then explain how geth seized the lab ship where your father was working!”

Shocked murmurs fill the large room. Shepard gets a heavy feeling in her stomach; something has happened and it isn’t good.

Tali trembles with fear, her father’s ship. “What are you talking about? What happened?” She may not be close to her father but she still loves him. Panic rushes through her.

Gerrel explains gently, “As far as we can tell, Tali, the geth have killed everyone on the Alarei... Your father included.”

Tali gasps, the news slamming into like a bullet. “What? No. My f-father? Oh, Keelah.” She doesn’t want to accept it. Her father could be dead, every soul on Alarei gone, killed by the geth. Geth that she supposedly sent in an active state. Tali cannot believe that, she won’t.

Shepard’s hands curl into fists. Tali’s father could be dead, along with the rest of his ship and they want to fool around with a blasted trial? This is why she hates politics. Lily clenches her teeth tightly to keep her from shouting at the admirals. She meets Garrus’s gaze, the fury she sees there echoes her own. Together, they will find Tali’s father and save him if he still lives. Several calming breaths later, Shepard blatantly lies with careful respect. “I appreciate the need for this trial, Admirals, but right now our first concern must be the safety of the Migrant Fleet. The Normandy stands ready to assist in whatever capacity necessary.”

Raan hides her sigh of relief. If Shepard is half as good as Tali claims, maybe she and her team can defeat the geth. “Thank you, Captain. Quarian strike teams have attempted to retake the ship several times without success.”

Tali turns to her friend, begging “Shepard, we have to take back the Alarei!”

Before she can answer, Koris callously states, “The safest course would be to simply destroy the ship. But if you are looking for an honorable death instead of exile...”

Shepard’s fingers curl into a fist, the urge to punch the idiotic asshole is overwhelming.

Tali yells, “I'm looking for my father, you bosh'tet!”

Shepard smirks with pride. Then she addresses Koris. “Admiral Koris, my team is fully prepared for to face the geth, despite the risks. We will retake the Alarei, by whatever means necessary.” The bastard expects them to fail but they won’t. This is for Tali, failure is not an option. Koris remains silent, his disapproval clear enough without words. He believes they will die and Lily wonders if that’s what he wants.

“You intend to retake the Alarei from the geth? This proposal is extremely dangerous,” Raan cautions.

Shepard answers immediately, “With your permission, Admirals, yes. The good of the Fleet must come first... and Tali needs to find her father.” She scoffs at the thought of this being a dangerous mission. Dangerous missions are her wheelhouse; it’s what she does. She doesn’t fear facing a ship full of geth. She’s fought them before and likely will again. What matters is for Tali to know what happened to her father.

Gerrel adds, “Agreed. And if you die on this worthy mission, Tali, we will see that your name is cleared of these charges.”

“We can discuss that later.” Koris apparently has no intention of doing so and if he thinks everyone isn’t aware of that, he’s a fool.

_ *What a dick.* _ Shepard knows Koris is one of the driving forces behind Tali being charged with treason and her name change. He wants her exiled and Shep’s going to stop the bastard. They are going to take back the Alarei and she can’t wait to come back and rub that in his stupid face. 

Raan announces, “Then it is decided. You will attempt to retake the Alarei. You are hereby given leave to depart the Rayya. A shuttle will be waiting at the secondary docking hangar. Be safe, Tali. This hearing will resume upon your return, or upon determination that you have been killed in action.” Raan prays for her niece. She can’t bear to lose both Tali and her father.

The Conclave breaks up without another word.

Tali stands to the side in shock, clearly overwhelmed by what has happened. Shepard pulls her into a hug.  Lily holds her tightly, knowing Tali must be holding herself together by a thread. Tali’s father could be dead; she can’t let Tali suffer with not knowing her father’s fate. Tali needs to know the truth and whatever happens, Shepard will remain by her side, supporting her. “We’ll find out the truth, Tali. I promise.” 

“Thank you for agreeing to take back the Alarei, Shepard. The admirals sound sure that my father is already dead, but... I need to know. If he’s still alive, I can’t leave him there to die.” She loves him, despite everything.

“Of course we need to go, Tali. If I was in your place, I would feel the same. He’s your father.” Shepard lost her parents, her whole family. If she can save Tali from that or at the very least, give her a shred of peace, she is more than willing.

Garrus rubs Tali’s shoulder comfortingly, “We are ready and willing, Tali. We’ll take back the Alarei.”

“Thank you both,” Tali says gratefully.

Garrus and Shepard give her a bit of time to recover. “Are you holding up okay? They didn’t pull any punches, even before telling you about your father.”

Tali swallows. “I knew this would be bad. But how can you really prepared to be charged with treason? I wasn’t ready for this, I don’t think I ever could have been. And my father... I don't know. I have to hope he is still alive. They don't know for certain that he's dead. I just don't know, Shepard, and I need to know. Either way, I... I just need to know.”

“Do you want to speak to Raan before we leave, or any of the others?

“We could learn more about each admiral’s viewpoint but I doubt it would change anything.”

Shepard takes a moment to talk to Veetor, checking up on him, and to Kal’Reegar, but avoids the admirals. She doesn’t need the distraction of politics before they retake the Alarei. Although she encourages Tali to talk to Raan. Lily isn’t surprised when Tali confronts her aunt about deliberately omitting her father’s status. Although harsh, the shock in Tali’s voice at the news of her father was powerful.

Within minutes, they are leaving in a shuttle to the Alarei. Shepard can sense the emptiness and death of the ship the moment she steps aboard. She exchanges a quick look with Garrus. He feels it too. Tali, however, seems to be too focused on finding her father to realize what they already know. They aren’t going to find anyone alive here. Lily hates that they are too late and that Tali will suffer through finding her father’s body somewhere on this blasted ship. If only they had known sooner, maybe they could have saved at least a few lives. 

Every piece of evidence draws a clearer picture and Shepard despises where it is going to lead. Tali’s father is the traitor, not Tali. The road to hell is paved with good intentions and Shepard fears that rings true here. Tali’s father’s need to help his people went too far and got him and his entire ship killed.

Shepard cannot imagine what it is like for Tali and the other quarians to know that you and your people have no homeworld. Earth is her homeworld, even if she didn’t grow up there. And then there are the suits. Being trapped forever in that suit with the knowledge that you are forever vulnerable cannot be easy. Emotionally, Shepard understands the quarians’ desire to retake their homeworld. But logically, she wonders if it is worth it. How many quarians will have to die before they can do so? And that’s assuming they’d win the war against the geth. The quarians’ attempts could lead to the destruction of their people. Is a homeworld worth all that death? Shepard isn’t sure. Talking and thinking about this isn’t helping and Shepard allows Tali to walk away. They need to clear out the rest of the geth.

When they find his body lying at the bottom of the stairs, Shepard feels helpless watching Tali’s emotional reaction, which is full of disbelief, anger, and heartbreak. Lily gently pulls Tali into a hug, comforting her as best she can in the presence of Tali’s deceased father. It’s too late to save him and now it is Tali’s mess to clean up. If this is the price for progress in the quarians’ fight against the geth, Shepard doesn’t believe it is worth it. His last message leaves much unsaid and Lily wishes that he say something, anything else to show he had cared for Tali. But in the end, all that matters is Tali cares.

Watching the video of Tali’s father, Shepard is only slightly comforted by the fact he tried to keep Tali out of this. Obviously when everything fell apart, his attempt at protection failed. Tali is now the one getting tried for treason when her father is the true cause of this utter fuck-up.

“He did this for you.” Any feelings of love in the act is drowned in the terrible consequences. Knowing he did it for Tali cannot be a comfort and Shepard wishes Tali didn’t know that.  

Tali is horrified. “I never asked for this. Do you understand what he did? I tried to deny it but— _ he _ was responsible. How could he do this?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, quickly saying, “We can’t tell anyone, Shepard. Not the admirals. No one can know what happened here.”

“Don’t you understand that this is the only evidence we have proving your innocence? You will be exiled for this.”

Resigned but firm, Tali promises, “I know. It kills me to think I’ll never see the Fleet again but I can’t do this. I cannot go in there and show the evidence that my father, my  _ father _ , was the worst war criminal in our people’s history. That is something I cannot do, Shepard, no matter the consequences.”

“He’s dead, Tali. He can’t be hurt by this. He didn’t want you hurt by this.”

Tali shakes her head, grief and desperation bleeding in her voice. “You don’t understand. They will strike his name from the manifest of every ship he served on. He would be worse than an exile. He would be a traitor, held up for children as a monster in a cautionary! I can’t let everything good he ever did be destroyed for this, Shepard.”

Shepard looks over at Garrus, wondering if she can abide Tali’s wishes. It feels wrong for Tali to have to pay for her father’s mistakes. Nothing about this trial seems fair.

“You are my captain and how you proceed is your decision, but please,” Tali pleads. “Don’t destroy what my father was.” Her father is dead and nothing she can do will bring him back. Tali can’t watch his name torn to shreds until they turn it and him into the heartless, traitorous monster.

Shepard nods carefully, accepting Tali’s words. The three of them jump into the shuttle and hasten down the hallways to the trial. Predictably, they attempt to judge Tali before they even confirm what happened on the Alarei.  _ *Fucking politicians.* _

They stride through the door and stand before the admiral board. Despite being unable to read their expressions, Shepard knows they are surprised. “We’ve retaken the Alarei.”

When the board asks if they found any evidence to prove Tali’s innocence, Shepard for the briefest of seconds considers handing over the evidence. But she can’t do that to Tali. Instead, Shepard decides to use that silver tongue her crew keeps telling her she has. Lily lays out all Tali has done against the geth and vows her absolute truth.

Even wanting to deny that her trust has weight, the board cannot. They put her in charge of Tali as her captain, that gives her word value. In the end, they are defeated by their own plotting. Lily is simply happy that Tali is found innocent and won’t be exiled from her beloved people.

“No one’s ever spoken like that for me,” Tali admits.

Shepard shrugs modestly. “I spoke the truth. You are my friend, Tali, and I’d do anything in my power to help you.”

“Thank you, Shepard, for being there for my father and for me, even when…” Tali doesn’t want to think about what happened on the Alarei. “Just thank you.”

“You deserved better, Tali. What your father did...”

Tali holds her hand up, smiling behind her face shield. “I got better, Shepard. I got you,” she responds sincerely. Shepard is a true and loyal friend, who will always have her back, no matter what. “Thank you, Shepard,” she says vehemently.

Lily isn’t sure what to say. She doesn’t think she did anything that anyone else wouldn’t have done.

Garrus smiles. “Just take the thanks, Shepard.”

Lily rolls her eyes at Garrus. Then she turns to Tali and opens her arms slightly. Tali walks into them and they hug tightly. “Anything for you, Tali.” Pulling away from the hug, she says, “Let’s go back to our ship, Tali’Zorah vas Normandy.”

Tali smiles at her friend. “Yes,” she pauses before continuing, “Captain.”

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Back aboard the Normandy, Shepard and Garrus watch Tali head down to the engine room, likely needing to get her mind off what happened. Then they go to the quarters they share. 

Lily plops onto the sofa. “That trial was utter bullshit.”

Garrus nods, in complete agreement. “Yeah. Politicians are assholes and that’s across every species.”

She half sprawls over him. “I was scared, Garrus. Especially when she told me not to use the only evidence we had proving her innocence.”

He releases her hair from the bun and cards his talons through it. “I knew you wouldn’t fail her.”

“I wanted to believe that but honestly, I wasn’t sure I could convince them. The trial wasn’t about Tali; they didn’t care about her. They wanted to use this because of the geth. How could they sacrifice her like that?”

“To them, Tali was a means to an ends. That’s how politics works, Lily.”

“Unfortunately, I know that. I wish I didn’t.” She rubs her forehead wearily. “Politics are idiotic,” Lily mutters. 

Garrus smiles. “Can’t disagree with you on that.” 

She knows he hates politics as much as she does. It’s why he quit C-Sec twice. He couldn’t deal with the bullshit it involved. Being a vigilante is the exact opposite, no red tape or political crap getting in the way. “I wonder how she’s going to get over this. I don’t think she’s ever been betrayed by her people before. Through everything, she’s always had her people. Quarians tend to stick together, since the rest of the universe won’t stick up for them.” Shep thinks of the quarian that was accused of stealing a volus’s credit chip. The C-Sec officer and the volus condemned her without evidence simply because of her species. Bastards didn’t apologize either, at least not until Lily yelled at them. “For the first time in her life, she couldn’t count on her people.” 

“Can’t be easy, especially for her.”

“Tali will get through this. She has us.” 

“Have any advice for her?”

Lily meets Garrus’s eyes and scoffs. “Nope. I’m not exactly the best role model on forgiveness. I’m still pissed as hell at Kaidan. Not the healthiest option maybe but I am not in a forgiving mood at the moment.” 

Garrus lightly trails his talons down her back. “Should I surprise you and advise you to forgive him?” he jokes. 

Shepard laughs. “As if you would.” Garrus isn’t the most forgiving and knows how to hold a grudge. 

He shrugs.

Not wanting to talk about Kaidan anymore, Shepard changes the subject. “What do you think the quarians should do? Take back their homeworld or find somewhere else to settle?”

“What do you think?”

Lily considers. “You are a turian. I’m going to say take back their homeworld.”

“Good guess. We turians expect war, grown up with it. Loss is all part of it. If we ever lost Palaven, we would fight for it. If just one turian survived, we’d consider it a victory.”

Shaking her head, Shepard says, “That’s insane.”

“Never said it was a sane perspective,” Garrus admits. “What about you? What do you think they should do.”

“I’m not the best person to ask that. I am not connected to Earth like quarians are with their homeworld. Earth is where my people are from but I never set foot on Earth until my family was killed. Maybe if Earth was lost I would feel differently; I don’t know.” Shepard shrugs, not at all sure how she’d react to losing Earth. “Quarians are vulnerable to attack and throwing themselves at the geth seems entirely too risky. Instead of taking back their homeworld, they could bring their own extinction. One planet isn’t worth it, even if they have to live in those blasted suits for centuries to come.”  

**LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV*LS*GV**

Joker makes his way down to the engine room. Gabby and Ken leave without a word when he gives them a look. Tali is entirely focused on the console in front of her, not realizing he is behind her. “Hi Tali.”

She jumps a little, surprised to see him down in her space. “Oh, hi Jeff.” 

He leans carefully against one of the consoles, steadying himself. “I’m sorry about your father.”

Tali looks down, the pain of her father’s death still fresh. “Thank you.”

“If there’s anything I can do, just, uh, ask, okay?” Joker’s not used to comforting people but if Tali needs someone, he’s willing to be that person. Even if it makes him feel awkward. 

She smiles at the offer. “Thank you, Jeff. I appreciate it.”

“We could talk about what happened. If you want.”

Tali considers brushing him off but of everyone on the Normandy, Jeff is the one person that knows how it feels to be an outcast like she is. “I was scared. Terrified really. If I’d been exiled, I’d have nowhere, no one.”

Joker lifts his hand, hovering awkwardly over her shoulder before giving her a quick pat. “You would of had us. Shep and Garrus and me. Liara. Wrex even.”

It wouldn’t have been the same but she appreciates the sentiment nonetheless. “I know. I’m just glad it didn’t happen.” Tali shakes off a bit of her sadness. “You should have seen Shep. She yelled at the Conclave. It was incredible. No one’s ever stood up for me like that before. It was amazing. I don’t think I can ever repay her for what she’s done for me.” Tali will never stop feeling grateful for pulling it off. She’d have been crushed otherwise.

“We all owe her.” She died for him and Jeff can never repay that. 

“Good thing Shep’s not the type to hold that over us or we’d all be in trouble.”

“Yeah.” Joker laughs. “She’d be able to take over the universe probably if she called in every favor owed to her.”

Tali sobers, thinking of her trial. “I’m still afraid, Jeff. War is on the horizon.”

“Aren’t we already at war?” he jokes, trying to lighten her dark mood. 

“For my people. My trial, it wasn’t about me. Not really. It was a way for the two sides to argue. One wants to attack the geth and take back our homeworld and the other wants to give up on the hope of getting Rannoch back.”

Joker asks seriously, “What do you think they should do?”

Tali looks at him, considering carefully. “I don’t know. Do you know what having Rannoch back would mean? In a few years, we’d likely be able to take off our suits and live without them for the first time in centuries. We would be free once more. You have to understand how much that would mean, more than anyone. You took Cerberus’s upgrades because of what it could do for your quality of life.”

Jeff agrees. “I did.” He can walk without braces now. To an outsider, it may not seem like much but he feels more normal now. He still has Vrolik syndrome and likely always will. Yet, the upgrades have helped. Joker understands the quarians’ perspective. They are trapped in those suits, like he is trapped by his illness. Both of them are outsiders because of their health issues. It is hard always being on the outside looking in. On Rannoch, they’d feel normal. They’d be on the inside, even if only on their homeworld. “I get it.”

She knew he would understand. “The problem is what would be the cost? Challenging the geth will result in death for many of us. That’s a fact. It would happen. I don’t know if the cost would outweigh the rewards.” 

“I don’t know, Tali.”

“I don’t either. Fighting for Rannoch could mean the end of us. But how can we give up on our homeworld? It’d take centuries to acclimate to another planet. I don’t know if my people can wait that long without giving up hope.” 

This isn’t a problem with an easy solution; war never is. 

Tali sighs. Talking about it hasn’t magically given her the right answer but it has helped. Jeff is a good listener and more sympathetic than most would believe. “Thank you for listening.”

Joker shrugs it off. “No problem.”

She smiles at him. Tali surprises him by pulling him into a gentle hug. “You’re a good man, Jeff.”

He laughs awkwardly. “I am pretty awesome.”

Tali squeezes him carefully. “You are. Try not to let it go to your head too much.”

“Too late.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has a few options: Zaeed’s or Samara’s loyalty mission or maybe Project Overlord. Or possibly all three. If there is anything you want to have in those missions, something you want Shepard (or someone else) to talk about or say or do, let me know. I played Project Overload again fairly recently and that image of David hooked up still horrifies me.


End file.
